


every sign pointed straight to you

by parkrstark



Category: Castle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Castle Summer Hiatus Ficathon 2015, Child Death, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Investigations, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Season 6, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:45:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 79,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3993961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2 years after Sarah is born, Kevin's world is shattered when Jenny dies. After a too close call during a case, Kevin realizes he's all Sarah has left. He can't keep risking his life with Sarah here, and 'marrying' his partner is the only way to keep her safe in case he dies. And if he happens to fall for him along the way, he's not complaining. <i>Castle Summer Hiatus 2k15 Entry</i><br/><br/><b>now complete!</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first go at a ficathon for any fandom, but I'm excited to be participating! This isn't a Caskett centric story at all, so if that's what you're looking for, I'm sorry, but this isn't for you. It's a Ryan/Esposito fic.
> 
> This fic takes place 5 years after season 6 (when Sarah Grace is born) and is AU where Castle never disappears and they get married in the Hampton's, and Beckett isn't looking into being Captain of her on precinct/State senator.
> 
> It's loosely based off of _I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry_
> 
> Disclaimer- Castle and its characters belong to ABC and Andrew Marlowe.

 

__

* * *

 

 

 _"I can get up and face the day_  
Just fine all by myself  
Go out and take on the world  
And get it done like nobody else  
Ohh but I don't do lonely well"

 

* * *

 

 

Kevin holds Sarah Grace in his arms, doing his best to split his attention on hushing her cries and acknowledging every 'I'm sorry for your loss' that is said by every person in the room.

At the moment there's a woman by his side, whom he didn't even know, crying, "It's a horrible thing that Jen was ripped from this world. She was a great friend, and I could only imagine an even greater wife and mother."

Kevin can only numbly agree, his beautiful wife was one of the best things that ever happened to him. She was torn away from him only three days ago, but it already feels like an eternity. "Thank you, ma'am, I'm sure she'd appreciate all your kind words."

He wants to get out of there; that small room filled with people that feel their lives were influenced by Jenny, if only for a moment. Sarah Grace's cries only grow louder with each passing second and Kevin wants nothing more than to cry along with her. But he refuses to break down in front of everyone.

"I'm Lily, I taught the class next to hers a few years back. Gosh," She clasps her hands over her heart, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

Kevin gives a tight, forced smile, "Thank you, Lily." He tries to excuse himself from the conversation, but the woman doesn't seem to notice his upcoming break down.

"She was always the brightest in the kindergarten hall. Even on Mondays, she was a big ball of joy. I often envied all of her-" She is cut off by a voice just behind Kevin.

"Lily, why don't we give Kevin a moment to himself?" Javier.

During this entire ordeal, Beckett, Castle, and Javier were always right by his side whenever he needed someone. Sarah Grace would probably have still been in her clothes from last Thursday and starving if it hadn't been for his small, unofficial, family.

"Oh, of course. I apologize." Lily offers another sad smile before walking away to take a seat by the open casket.

Kevin turns around to see Javier, Castle and Beckett behind him. "Thanks, Javi. I just need to…use the restroom." He clears his throat after the obvious fib and turns to exit the room.

"Kevin," Castle calls softly before the Irishman could reach the doorway, "Do you want me to hold Sarah for a little while?"

Kevin looks down at the whining baby in his arms and shakes his head, bringing her closer to his chest. "No thank you, Castle." And with that he turns around and walks through the door to find an isolated spot. He finds a small, deserted hallway just behind the stairs and he leans against the wall, and immediately falls into a slouched position with Sarah cradled securely in his arms.

He finally lets his tears fall and the sobs out. "I don't know what to do, baby girl. I don't know what to do without your mother." Kevin's tears silence Sarah's as she watches her father, not old enough to understand why he is crying. "I can't do this alone."

A sudden presence next to him makes him want to jump up, wipe the tears from his eyes and deny any show of a breakdown, but seeing who it is keeps him in his spot.

Javier looks at his partner and says, "I know what you need to do. You need to let your family be there for you. We're going help you through this together. You won't be alone."

And that's exactly what he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 8,500 words currently written for this fic and I'm just starting. This will be a weekly updated story and I'm hoping for it to be a Maxificathon at 75,000+ words, but will definitely be at least 50,000.


	2. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is where we start to get to the opening case and set the stage. This case isn't going to drag on and on, in fact, depending on how I decide to spit the text, this case should be completed in the next 2 chapters or so. It's not a main plot at all, it sets the stage.
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings: This chapter contains a child case. A six year old girl is murdered and sexual abuse is implied. It's nothing explicit, but f that still makes uncomfortable than you may have to skip around in the end of this chapter.**
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer- Castle and its characters belong to ABC and Andrew Marlowe.

 

_Three Years Later_

"Sarah! I'm leaving for work." Ryan calls down the hall as he fastens his holster to his belt and grabs his shield from Alexis' outstretched hand. "Thanks, Alexis." He smiles and waits to hear his daughter's feet pattering down the hall.

"Wait, Daddy!" She yells as she dashes, bare foot across the hardwood directly into her dad. She wraps her arms around his waist, "Have a good day at work."

He smiles and bends over to kiss the top of her head, "And you have a good day at school. I may be home late tonight so Alexis is going to be here with you for dinner. I don't want you waiting up for me. That pretty little head of yours better be sound asleep on a pillow by the time I get home."

The five year old groans dramatically, and Ryan decides she has spent too much time with her Uncle Rick, " _But, Dad."_

"Butts are for toilets, not little girls. Now, go get dressed." He pushes her back towards her room before turning to Alexis.

The redhead smiles easily, "Don't worry, I'll have her in her nightgown and in bed before you're home."

Ryan smiles, "Thank you so much, Alexis. I can never say it enough."

After Jenny's death, Alexis was quick to offer to watch Sarah Grace during the day and some nights if needed. It's a life saver in so many ways and though he can't pay her much, he makes sure it is enough.

Alexis rolls her eyes with a huff, "If I've told you once, I've told a million times; you're very welcome. Now get to work before you're late."

"Okay, okay." He laughs and exits his apartment with another goodbye to both Alexis and Sarah.

* * *

Ryan walks into the bullpen and smiles when he sees Beckett, Castle and Javier already at their desk clump. "Hey, guys." He greets, finally reaching his desk.

"Morning, bro." Javier says looking up from his stack of paperwork from their last case.

Beckett turns to Ryan and grins, "Running late, huh?" She laughs and lifts her hands to his tie to straighten his crooked knot.

He nods to her in thanks and says, "We were out of milk so I had to run to the store because Sarah doesn't eat her cereal without milk."

"You should've sent Alexis, it is her job." Castle points out.

But, Ryan immediately shakes his head, "Her job is to watch Sarah Grace, not run around and do my errands because I was too lazy to pick up the groceries."

Javier frowns, "Ryan, we've been staying late every day for the past week and a half to close this case. When you finally get home each night and pass out the moment you can, isn't being lazy. You're exhausted, hell, this past week is really taxing all of us."

Beckett agrees, "But we wrapped it up, and now hopefully we'll get a few easy cases to calm the waters."

Castle nods, "It sure would be nice to have an actual meal for dinner tonight."

Beckett rubs his arm, "I'll tell you what, Castle, tonight I'll let you pick what we have seeing as you've spent more time in this precinct this week than it probably takes you to write a book and could have ditched us at any time."

Castle smoothly leans over and plants a small kiss to her cheek, "And what kind of husband would I be if I did?"

Javier grunts after fixing his last stack of papers, "Who cares about husband, you'd be an incredibly shitty friend if you left when the work got rough."

"Hey, watch it if you ever want to drive my Ferrari." Castle said with no heat behind his words.

"Whoa," Javier waves his hand, "I said  _if_."

"I knew you love me." Castle grins cheekily.

Javier shakes his head, " _Correction_ , your Ferrari. Not you."

Castle pretends to look shocked, "I see how it is. Remember what you just said when I have one extra ticket to a Yankee game and I invite  _Ryan_ instead of  _you_."

"So you'll invite Ryan instead of  _your wife_ , you'll sleep on the couch that night and once again I'll be the one laughing.

While Castle and Javier continue to bicker, Ryan busies himself with sorting through the papers scattered on his desk by himself and Beckett or Javier. He's glad to finally be putting this case to an end. He hopes that he'll be home in time to have dinner with Sarah Grace tonight.

Ignoring their other partners' arguing, Beckett sits down next to him and spoke softly, "You know you're not alone in this, Ryan. We're all here for you. It's okay to ask for help sometimes."

Ryan smiles up at her, "Thanks, Beckett, and if it ever comes to that I will definitely ask." He's already relying on them so much. Alexis watches Sarah Grace everyday he's at work, Javier reminded him to take care of himself the few months after Jenny's passing, and he still owes Castle from the money he loaned Ryan when he got stuck a few months ago (and it had taken everything just under force to get Ryan to accept the money by finally pulling the 'Sarah Grace' card).

"None of that crap, Ryan. I don't care if all you need is one of us to take Sarah after work so you can go out. The past three years all you've ever been is your apartment and the precinct. It's not healthy, Ryan." Beckett's a stubborn woman and most times during a case it helps catching the killer, but when she uses it on him, he can't stand it.

"I'm doing okay, I promise you three would be the first to know if I wasn't." He pats her hand, hoping to get her off his case for now.

Thankfully, it works and she turns back to her desk. But he knew she's definitely be keeping a close eye on him the next few days.

Sure, most times when he's home and Sarah isn't or she's sleeping, he feels himself slowly, miserably breaking inside, but he never carries that into work. He doesn't want his partners to worry.

* * *

Later that day, Ryan finds himself cornered by his partner in the break room. He's waiting for his bag of chips to drop from the slot when he hears Javier.

"How you doing, Kev?"

Ryan doesn't even turn around, "I'm fine."

"When you're done lying, how about you tell me what's wrong."

Ryan feels his patience growing thin and thinner. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? He isn't in the mood today to deal with all of this. He just wants to go home and bury himself under the blankets next to Sarah and watch a Disney movie.

Javier just can't seem to let him be, "Ryan, I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

Ryan sighs and turns around, completely forgetting to grab his snack from the machine. "Javier, I'm okay, really. I know Beckett probably put you up to this, but I'm okay. Just tired."

Javier crosses his arms and rolls his eyes with a disbelieving scoff. "Ryan, I've been your partner for 14 years. I know when you want to be alone and just need some space and I know when you want to be alone, but need someone there for you." Stupid partners that know everything.

"I just haven't been a great dad lately…" Ryan knows that he can't hold up his tough guy façade in front of his partner any longer, "Ever since Jenny actually."

Javier shuts the break room door swiftly and was by Ryan's side in a second. "I don't want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again. Do you understand me? You're the best damn dad this world has ever seen."

Ryan lifts his head up, "Oh, so that's why I hardly ever see my daughter or why I missed the Daddy-Daughter Dance last year at her school or why when  _I_   _do_  spend time with her, I burn her dinner and fall asleep an hour in." Ryan rants, finally letting out all of his pent up frustration, "I suck at being a dad and I just wish Jenny was here to make her happy."

Ryan expects Javier to understand that it was Jenny bothering him and let him be, but he's surprised to hear his voice harden. "Ryan, I understand she was your wife. And she meant the world to you, but you've got to let her go. It's been three years, she'd want you to move on. "

Ryan feels like Javier had just slapped him in the face, "I can't just  _move on_ , Esposito. She was the love of my life and she died and she's-"

"She's gone, Ryan. She's not coming back and I know it hurts, but it's time you stopped dancing around like you're walking on hot coals. Let her go and pull yourself together, Jenny would want you to. If not for you then for Sarah Grace." Javier's voice is raised, but not enough to be heard outside the room.

"So you want me to forget all about my wife? The mother of my child?" Ryan asks feeling his throat close up.

"No. I want you to understand that she died, not you. It's going to be hard at first, but I'll be with you every step of the way."

"You're crazy."

"Ryan,-"

Javier was interrupted by the break room door opening up and Beckett peeking her head inside, "Boys, we've gotta go. We've got another drop."

"What? We just cleared our case. Couldn't Gates have found another team?" Javier groans.

Beckett shakes her head, "Everyone else is busy. We're leaving in five, so hurry up." And with that, she is gone, leaving the room silent.

Ryan knows his partner isn't going to start the conversation back up again. He refuses to use the word argument because he and Javi  _never_  fight with each other. "Guess we better get going, sooner we get started, the sooner we finish."

Javier looks like he wanted to say something else, but all that comes out of his mouth is, "Let's go."

* * *

Ryan has always believed that there are four different kinds of cases.

There are the cases that are an easy solve; less than 24 hours and they are putting some sleaze behind bars and filing the paperwork. There are the cases that are a bit more taxing and have a few misleads along the way, but nothing too bad; they were the kind of the cases he prepared for before he became a detective. There are the cases that leave you emotionally and physically drained, whether it be from an intelligent killer that knows how to hide his footsteps or the way the murder had panned out was just so brutal and cruel that the team had to wash away the dirt they felt at the end of every one of those cases with a long night at The Old Haunt.

But then there are the cases that leave you numb. There is no celebration when the case is solved. There is no sigh of relief. There is nothing but emptiness and wonder at how the world could have possibly gotten so  _fucked up_. No amount of alcohol can help and nothing can wash the memories away, it's like every detail of the case is branded into your mind with a hot iron rod.

Unfortunately, their current case is one of those.

Before they even see the body, he knows it.

Javier pulls their car up just behind a squad car with their lights still flashing, warning New Yorkers to stay away from this park. Something is wrong.

And indeed something is because as the four detectives walk through the park's gates, the first thing they notice is a small, pink, stuffed rabbit. It's dirty everywhere, but not from being out overnight on the cold cement. It's worn out and tattered from years of play time; one of its ears is hanging by a stitch. It is also spotted with blood.

It wasn't left behind by a child the day before. It is evidence. Marked with cards and drowned out by the flashes of cameras.

Ryan swallows thickly and notices Beckett stiffen slightly in front of him. They all know.

Ryan can tell that by the way a small huddle of detectives, officers and doctors are surrounding the sandbox that this must be where the body was dumped. He doesn't want to go closer.

He recognizes one of the doctors in the mix when she turns around to walk towards them. There is no smile on her face, her shoulders sag and dark circles hug her eyes. She gives no greeting, and gets straight to business. "Jane Doe, left in the sand box probably sometime last night between 10 and 1. She was discovered by Kelly and Jacob Carter," Lanie pointed to two children, no older than 10, who are silently crying in their mother's arms while doing their best to answer an officer's questions. "When they were digging in the sand. The killer tried to bury the poor baby in the sand."

 _Baby._ Oh God, Ryan is going to hurl.

Beckett opens her mouth first, "How old was she?"

"She was probably around 6."

_She never hit double digits yet, and they are already referring to her in past tense._

"This world is filled with monsters." Castle says, and Ryan can hear how hard he was trying to keep his voice steady; no doubt keeping his own daughter in mind.

"And the ones in the real world are much more terrifying than any a writer could hope to create." Beckett says, taking a deep breath before approaching the sandbox.

Ryan, Javier and Castle follow her until they come to stop just behind the last line of persons obstructing their view from the little girl. It only takes a moment before that wall is gone, too.

Inside the sandbox is a small, dainty toddler thrown carelessly in the sand. Her pale curls are sprawled behind her, some buried in sand, most matted in blood. Her glassy, green eyes are staring up at the sky and the dress she is wearing make them pop even more. It is tattered and worn like the rabbit. Her arms, legs and face are covered in bruises varying in all sizes and colors.

The team looks down at her broken body and no one says a word.

Becket kneels down and uses her gloved fingers to close the girl's eyes. "We don't know who she is?"

Lanie shook her head, "All we have is a first name on the tag of her dress." Lanie leans down besides Beckett and pulls down the collar to show the small tag where a name is printed in faded, black ink. "Casey." She reads aloud.

Beckett frowns, "Her dress is on backwards?" Beckett notes.

Lanie uses her pen to gesture to the line of buttons that are all mismatched and uneven. "The killer must have carelessly thrown it on just before dumping her body." There is more, Ryan can see it in Lanie's face and hear it in the words she didn't say.

"Why was she-" Beckett's question is answered before she even finishes her question.

Lanie lifts up the skirt where it's bunched around her thighs and exposes a small shock blanket covering her underneath. "She wasn't wearing underwear and look what else we found." She pulls down the blanket an inch by her hips to expose bruises lining her sides that looked like-

"Fingerprints." Beckett whispers before pulling the dress back down, both so that even in death the girl can have some privacy and because she can't stand to look at the bruises anymore.

Ryan is definitely going to be sick.

She stands back up and dusts the sand off the knees of her pants before addressing her partners, "I want a canvas around the neighborhood to see if anyone knows a girl named Casey. Also check to see if any parents have called looking for a missing child."

Ryan knows that it is Javier and his job to go door to door, but he can't move from his spot. All he can see in his head is his little Sarah Grace in place of Casey. He feels his stomach churn dangerously. Seconds later, he turns to throw up in the nearest garbage can, but sees none. He is unfortunately forced to settle with the sidewalk directly besides Castle's shoes.

Ryan is glad that instead of making a joke out of his misfortune, the writer makes sure he was okay. "Ry, you okay?" Ryan feels a strong hand rubbing his back soothingly.

Ryan nods and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, "M'fine." He mumbles, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"Are you sure, Ryan? We can always -" Javier starts to give him a reason for him to get upset again, but Ryan won't let him.

"I said I'm fine…it just hit hard. Let's get started so we can figure out who she is." Ryan doesn't wait for Javier to say anything back before he was already off and headed towards the park gate.

He hears Javier's pace was rushed until he caught up to his partner. "Are we going to talk about what just happened?"

Ryan shrugs, "It must have been something I ate."

Javier rolls his eyes, but thankfully drops the conversation. "We'll start over there and see if anyone knows her."

They go from door to door questioning adults, but it's hard to see if they knew a certain little girl without having a picture of her. It takes an hour before they finally get an answer.

"Yes," The woman replies at the door, "I sometimes saw her play in the park down the street with one of the older girls. She's such a sweet girl, it's a shame what she had to go through."

Ryan's attention is caught, "What did she have to go through, ma'am?"

The woman's eyes fill with pain and she shakes her head, "The poor baby lost her mother and father in an accident. She lives in an orphanage for young girls downtown." She makes a face when she said the word 'orphanage'.

Javier beats him to the question, "Which orphanage is that?"

"Miss. Owen's, but if you ask me, she should never have control of children. Not a very pleasant woman."

Ryan knows that he and Javier had all they needed, "Thank you for your help."

Before they can turn away, the woman spoke, "Is Casey okay? If you see here tell her that Mrs. Fletcher says hello."

Ryan sees even Javier pale underneath that darker skin of his, it's hard to tell someone that a person they knew and cared for was killed but it's a completely different story when the person killed was a toddler. Javier must have taken pity on Ryan for the fact that he had just gotten sick from the sight of the poor little girl and brakes the heart shattering news to the woman.

"She was killed last night, I'm so sorry." Javier says with a sympathetic frown.

"She was… _killed?_ " She repeats in a broken whispered question. "Who would kill such a young, beautiful, baby girl?"

Ryan doesn't want his partner to have to do it all on his own, "We're not sure, but the moment we will bring her killer to justice."

She nods, "That's all we can hope for right now." She says sadly followed by goodbye before shutting the door.

Once her door is shut, Ryan and Javier exchange a similar look that show how much the two  _hate_ this part of the job.

"C'mon," Javier sighs and nods his head towards their parked car. "Let's go tell Beckett what we found out. I think the orphanage will lead us somewhere."

"Yeah…" Ryan repeated, almost distractedly, "Let's go."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested, I'm looking for some beta-readers for this fic. If you're willing to help beta please comment below!
> 
> See you next week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to TXMedic37 for offering to be my beta an doing such a fantastic job!

Ryan and Esposito meet back up with Castle and Beckett in the precinct after they get the new information about Casey. The latter two are setting up the murder board when Ryan and Esposito walk in.

Ryan walks in and the moment his eyes find the whiteboard, he feels nauseous again. The picture of Casey's little, broken body is pinned at the top and so far that was it. No leads, no suspects, no anything.  _Because who in their right mind would kill a child?_

Esposito fortunately is able to fill Castle and Beckett in on what they discovered, "Her parents haven't called looking for her because she's got none; she's an orphan down at Miss Owen's House for Girls."

Beckett scribbles that underneath the toddler's picture and wonders aloud, "Then why hasn't Miss Owens called asking about her. A six year old girl has been missing since last night."

"The woman who told us about the orphanage said that she didn't trust children in her care. Maybe she had a good reason to." Esposito is already at the nearest computer, which happens to be Ryan's, running her name through the system.

"Maybe she's got something to hide." Castle offers, studying the murder board intently.

"Wouldn't surprise me, there's obviously no real reason behind Casey's death besides instability." Beckett recaps the marker before putting it down. "We need to go check out that orphanage, look around and maybe ask some of the girls."

"If Miss. Owens  _is_ involved then she's probably been sticking it in their heads to not give anything up." Esposito points out as he waits for the directions to the orphanage to print out.

"Hopefully is Miss Owens is bitch, they bonded over hating her so that means if they know anything about getting rid of Miss Owens and getting their friend justice, they'll give it up." Castle stands up, grabbing his jacket. "We all going? I bet there's a handful of girls to interview."

Ryan hopes he doesn't look as sick as he feel; he needs to sit down and take 5, but he knows they can't afford that in a case like this.

Esposito looks like he is about to join Castle, but he stops moving once he looks over at his partner, "Actually, why don't you and Becks go and question Miss Owens now and tomorrow we'll question the girls; it's late."

Castle looks from Esposito to Ryan and then nods as if he understands Esposito's ulterior motives; Ryan smooths his waistcoat self consciously. Beckett seems to notice as well and frowns sympathetically at the Irishman.

"I'm fine." Ryan brushes them all off. "It's barely past dinnertime, the girls will be up." He may be treated like the baby in the team, but he is by no means weak or unable to hold his own.

Beckett sighs, "Alright, we'll go down for a few hours and see what we can get."

* * *

 

Castle hops into their car just after Beckett; they're waiting for Esposito to pull out so they can follow him. Beckett taps her fingers against the steering wheel idly. "I hate these cases."

Castle glances over at his wife, "Because it's a little girl?"

Beckett nods slowly, "Yes, and how it's affecting our team. Did you see Kevin's face? He's probably had Sarah Grace stuck in his head all day long."

"He did look green even after he let out his breakfast dangerously close to my feet." Castle watches Ryan slowly taking his seat next to Esposito.

"Yeah, and that was not even 5 minutes into the case. I just wish he'd head home right now, seeing Sarah would make him feel better." She starts the car when she sees Esposito finally head out into the street.

"He's gotta give Esposito a chance, you know as well as I do that-" Castle is cut off by Beckett.

"I know, but obviously he doesn't. I think he realizes how he feels, but he remembers Jenny and suddenly backs off because he doesn't want to hurt Jenny."

"It's been three years, I knew she was his wife but even Jenny would understand that Kevin can't do it alone and Javi's his best friend, more if he'd let him."

Beckett lost count trying to remember how many times they've had this conversation. They started before Jenny and then it was all forgotten after their marriage, but after Jenny's passing the spark was ignited again. Ecspecially what she said to her and Castle the last conversation they had.

" _Take care of those two idiots." Jenny smiled tiredly, her eyes barely open. She had Castle's hand held loosely in hers._

" _We will, Jenny, don't you worry." Beckett promised as a tear rolled down her cheek. Castle used his free hand to wipe it for her. "Thank you," She mumbled into his lingering palm._

" _My husband…" She paused to take a breathe, "Is a stubborn man. He can't do it all on his own. And there's only one person in this world who loves him as much as I do."_

_That was the first time since the Ryans married that she thought about the unmistakable love between her partners. It was too soon. "Jenny-"_

" _No, it's his turn. I know he'll be okay if Javier stays by his side. That's all I ask, make sure they make it. I don't want them suffering alone."_

Which made sense. As painful as it was for Esposito to let Ryan go, he was okay with it because Ryan was happy. Since Jenny died, his life was one miserable day after the next and Beckett knows it killed Esposito to just sit by and let it continue. He knows how to make him feel better, but he can't act on it.

If there was a guy code handbook, Beckett is pretty sure that 'don't jump on your best friend the minute his wife dies, no matter how much you love him' would be pretty close to the top of the list.

"So what? We're not gonna help push them a little? Espo will  _never say anything_ about it and Ryan will continue to think it's taboo." Castle interrupts her thoughts.

"We'll figure something out, Castle. We'll just have to see what happens."

"Oh, that's a great idea." Castle scoffs, " If you want to be  _dead_ by the time they get together!"

Beckett narrows her eyes at him and spares a second of driving to pinch his arm, "Unless you're planning on sleeping on the couch, save that attitude for the boys at Poker night."

There's not much heat behind her words, but that doesn't make the pinch hurt any less. " _Okay,"_ He relents, "If I said that nicer, would you have agreed with me?"

"Sure,"Beckett answers without hesitation, "But it's really not our place. Let's just give them time before we try anything."

Castle grins, as if he is a child that was told he can have chocolate before dinner, "Waiting I can do."

* * *

 

By the time the four step out of the cars and are knocking at the front door, it's a quarter past seven. It's dark, but not quiet on the street. Esposito raps his knuckles harshly against the chipped, wooden door.

"Kathy Owens, please open up." He says loudly when she doesn't answer right away. A fews seconds after shuffling around just behind the door, Kathy opens it hesitantly.

Her eyes dart from each of them, "Can I help you?"

Esposito nods, stone-faced, holding up his badge, "NYPD, we'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

The woman is definitely caught off guard, but opens the door wider and allows them to enter regardless. "Sorry for the mess," She mutters as she leads the four to the couch in the living room. "The girls were cleaning upstairs today."

"Miss Owens, how many girls do you house?" Castle asks curiously.

"I didn't get all of your badges." She says keeping an eye on Castle.

"Mine's all you need, ma'am." Esposito retorts dryly and repeats Castle's inquiry. "How many girls?"

"A dozen and a half. I can assure you, I'm not over the limit." She crosses her arms over her chest, offended somehow by all of these questions.

"And it's just you here in charge of the girls?" Beckett asks, ignoring the sudden coldness that Kathy's radiating.

"Yes." She says with a dignified smile, "But, once a month, a woman from the agency comes to check up on the girls."

"Check up on the girls or you?" Esposito asks coolly with an arch of his eyebrow.

"And just what do you mean by that,  _Detective?_ " She spits back, like she's talking with vermon.

Esposito leans forward, his arms resting on his knees, "Maybe because you don't seem to care that one of your girls is missing." He watches as her face darkens and he celebrates internally; he caught her.

"I don't know what-who's missing?" She glances over to the stairway, uneasily, "I thought all the girls were there this morning. Sometimes a few of the older girls sneak out." Her expression suddenly hardens, "Is it Paige? Did she finally get herself into trouble? I warned her this day would come."

"Last night between 10 pm and 1 am, Miss Owens. Where were you?" Ryan finally finds his voice, unable to listen to this monster anymore than he has to.

Kathy's eyebrows knit. "Here with the girls, asleep. What does this have to do with Paige?"

Ryan closes his small notepad and meets her eyes, unaffected by her steely glare. "None of this has to do with Paige, unless you lost two girls last night. We're talking about a six year old named Casey that was killed last night."

"C- _Casey_?" Kathy shakes her head, all of the color drained away from her face leaving it pale and pasty. "But, she's just a baby."

"Which is why we won't stop until her killer is behind bars." Ryan makes that promise like it's his last promise to the world.

Kathy leads them up the stairs and down the hall to a door at the end, "This is the older girls' room. My oldest, Paige, was always with Casey. Most times I caught her trying to sneak out." She explains as she knocks on the door once.

"Why would she want to sneak out?" Castle asks.

"You know teenagers; they're always looking to rebel." She doesn't meet the writer's eyes when she responds and turns back to the door and knocks again. "Paige, open this door. The Police are here to speak with you."

Then the door opens and a teenage girl sticks her head out the bedroom door. Her eyes are puffy and red and her hair is mussed up. "Good evening, officers." She doesn't acknowledge Miss Owen's presence.

"Paige, we were wondering if we could have a word to speak with you about-" Beckett starts to pull out her badge so the girl feels some comfort, but Paige nods and interrupts her before she can finish speaking.

"About Casey. I know." Her voice is as haggard as her appearance.

"You know something is wrong with Casey? How?" Esposito asks hopefully, like she knows something about the murder.

"I know she's not here. Hasn't been since last night." Paige opens her door further, inviting the four inside to continue questioning.

"What do you mean you knew, Paige?" Kathy attempts to meet her gaze. " _Honey?_ "

Paige refuses to listen, "Was there anything you were wondering, officers? I'd like to help all I can to find her."

By the sound of her voice and the look on her face, Beckett knows that this girl may know she's missing but she doesn't know she's dead. "I'm sorry, Paige. We already found her. This afternoon."

"What? No." Paige shakes her head, her eyes welling with tears. "Not Casey...Please, God,  _you're lying._ " She slumps into the doorway.

"We're going to work our hardest to find her killer, but we need your help." Castle says softly, wanting so badly to comfort her until her tears stop falling.

Whatever hope the team had of her knowing something about the murder is destroyed when she shakes her head, "I'm sorry. I only knew she was missing...nothing else.  _I wish I did._ " She cries into her hands and excuses herself back into her room.

"Wait," Ryan says, placing a hand on her shoulder. She turns around to face him and Ryan pulls a card from his pocket. "If you find out  _anything,_ don't hesitate to call." She nods and takes the card with a soft thank you before she shuts herself back into her room.

Esposito notices that Cathy let out a sigh of relief just a little too loud beside him. She straightens and puts the frown back on her face. "I'm sorry we couldn't help you more, Officers."

"Detectives." Esposito corrects, eyeing her warily.

"I apologize. Anyways, if that is all you need…" She extends her arm to the stairs, but none of the team goes to move.

"Any other girls we can talk with? There's over a dozen, someone had to be with her before she was killed." Beckett looks at the other doors in the hall.

Cathy shakes her head, "None of the other older girls really talked with Casey. And the younger girls that did are already in bed."

Beckett knows there's nothing more she can do right now and nods, "We'll be back tomorrow. Please have all the girls here until we solve this. And you cannot leave town either."

* * *

 

As the team walks through the elevator doors into the bullpen, Castle clears his throat. "Are we betting on Miss Owens?"

Esposito huffs angrily. "Casey was 6 years old, she couldn't have known that many people."

Beckett holds her phone up, already turning back to the elevator. "Lanie just called me saying she's got something. Castle and I will head down there while you two get the names of every single girl in that orphanage and anything about Miss Owens and her orphanage that looks suspicious."

"Then we'll head home for the night." Esposito says looking at his disheveled partner.

"Then we head home." Beckett confirms before her and Castle disappear in the elevator.

Esposito watches his partner drop himself into his desk chair with no grace, "You wanna get the girls' names and I'll check into this woman's history and her orphanage?" He knows that the task he gave to his partner would be easier on him.

"Sure," He nods and starts up his computer, but his movements are slow.

Esposito tries to concentrate on looking up anything to do with Kathy Owens and her orphanage, but his partner is worrying him too much. It's been a half hour and he hasn't said a word. Usually, Ryan is always talking about something or another to keep the silence away. He claims that he doesn't work as well when it's silent; he prefers the noise and conversation.

"You finding the list okay?" Esposito asks looking over the top of his monitor.

Ryan doesn't answer right away, he's staring at his own computer screen with a deflated look in his eyes. He doesn't seem to hear Esposito's question, but he isn't busy typing, he's just staring ahead.

"Ryan?" Esposito is now concerned, hoping that Beckett and Castle return soon so they can all go home. God knows they need the rest. "Kevin," He says louder, startling him to look up finally. "Are you okay?"

Ryan nods hastily, "Yeah, I'm just finishing up."

Esposito doesn't believe him. Sometimes he thinks that his partner forgets he can see right through him. "You know, I'm here if you need to talk about anything, right?" He reminds Ryan even though he'd never forget.

"I know, bro." Ryan gives him a weak smile before returning to his work.

_Then why won't you talk to me?_

* * *

 

"You have something for us, Lanie?" Beckett asks when she walks through the morgue door.

Lanie purses her lips with a grimace. "Just to confirm something we already knew. The poor baby was raped before she was killed." She pauses a moment before continuing, "There was a large portion of her brain that was swollen. Her killer was probably shaking her repeatedly and her brain hit against her skull too many times."

Beckett looks down at the little girl on Lanie's medical table, feeling her heart break even more.

She began to think of the 7th birthday Casey would never have. The high school diploma she'd never receive. The aisle she'd never walk down in a white dress she'd never buy. The prince charming she'd never marry and the kids they'd never raise. The stories she'd never create to tell grandkids that would never exist. The funeral that will be held 90 years too early.

All because of the monster who killed her.

"Poor baby," Castle says quietly as he looks down at her.

Lanie nods in agreement, but continues on with her observations. "The bruises on her body are from a man. The fingerprints are too large to belong to a woman."

"Did you get any DNA? Anything that could help?" Beckett asks hopefully, but sees the look on Lanie's face and gets her answer before she can say no.

"Tell me you four have something up there." Lanie says, leaning against desk.

Beckett shrugs her shoulders. "The owner of the orphanage looks good, but I doubt she killed Casey."

"Boyfriend, maybe." Lanie offers with a shrug of her shoulders. She's never been good at figuring out the who's, what's and why's to a murder, but everyone would pitch in on this case.

"It would be easier if she'd answer questions without a warrant." Beckett says rolling her eyes.

"She's being difficult?" Lanie raises her eyebrows.

"You have no idea," Castle sighs as he turns his head away from Casey, his eyes still filled with misery.

"We filed for a warrant, but it'll take at least a day or two to clear. Hopefully the circumstances of this case will speed up the DA, but I'm not holding my breath."

Lanie shakes her head, but wishes them luck. She gives Beckett a quick hug and whispers in her ear that she'll be able to bring the baby justice because she always does. Beckett smiles gratefully, "Thanks, Lanie," She whispers, "I just wish it wasn't his hard."

* * *

 

By the time Castle and Beckett return from the morgue, both Ryan and Esposito have finished their duties. Ryan has the list printed out: All the girls' names, ages and birth parents. He made four so they each have a copy.

"Nothing on Owens, 'sides a few parking tickets." Esposito slumps in his seat.

"What about boyfriends? Hookups?" Beckett asks, coming closer to her partners.

"Nada." Esposito laments, hating he has to say that.

"Well, I guess that's all we're getting tonight. Might as well head home, boys. We'll pick up first thing tomorrow." Beckett runs a hand through her hair, like she does when she's stressed.

Ryan checks his watch and sighs, it's past 9 o'clock; Sarah's definitely in bed by now. Even though she'd be asleep, Ryan knew that at least seeing his daughter would bring his hopes up. It was always nice to have someone with you to wind down with after dead end after dead end in a case like this.

Ryan pulls his coat off the back of his chair and watches his partner do the same. He feels his heart twinge when he realizes that Castle and Beckett have each other when they get home, he has Sarah (more or less), but Javier has no one. He goes home to an empty apartment every night. And Ryan doesn't know why it's taken him this long to realize that. Before he was married he spent every minute of his free time with his partner, but after he married Jenny, he went home to his wife (restricting Madden nights to two times a week). Then after she had passed, he used whatever free time to be with his daughter.

"Javi," Ryan says softly, "You wanna come over tonight?" He notices that his partner looks confused and Castle and Beckett are giving him odd looks. "I know what it's like being alone," Is all he says.

Esposito relaxes and it seems as if a weight has just been lifted off his shoulders. Ryan guesses his partner was thinking the same thing. These cases always hit hard and dealing with them alone was the worst thing to do.

Esposito and Ryan both say their goodbyes to Castle and Beckett, the latter two still staring. They walk to the elevator, neither saying a word until they are out of the precinct, in the car and only a few blocks from Ryan's apartment.

"Thanks," Espo says with his head leaning against the cold car window. "I was kinda dreading the silence."

Ryan turns his head away from the road for a second to smile softly over at his partner. He can say it's no big deal or don't worry about, but he doesn't think that sounds appropriate. Instead he says with the most sincerity in his voice he can muster, "You're welcome, Javier."

When they first became partners, Ryan always called him 'Esposito' and sometimes even 'Espo', but it wasn't until their 5 year anniversary that Ryan called him 'Javi'. It caught his partner by surprise; only his mother had called him by his first name, but he didn't say a word to correct him. It just seemed so natural slipping off of Ryan's tongue.

He hardly ever called him 'Javier'; it was too intimate and he saved those moments for close calls in shoot outs and long, hard chases. But now, he can't think of a better reason to call him that. It just fit.

It's quiet again after that. Not awkward or uncomfortable, more because of the fact that they're both exhausted and just being next to each other is comforting enough.

Minutes later, they pull up in front of Ryan's apartment. It's not anywhere near as spacious as Castle's loft, but it's an improvement from his old apartment. After he and Jenny married, they knew they wanted to start a family and decided that a railroad apartment would be the best solution. It wasn't in an apartment building, the steps lead to a door that opened directly into Ryan's apartment.

Esposito follows Ryan slowly from their car parked in front to the door. He leans heavily against the railing as Ryan sticks his key in the lock and jiggles it a few times. He's only just realized how exhausted he really is.

Ryan manages to open the door after a few failed knob twists and thy shuffle inside the dimly lit apartment. Alexis calls from the living room. "Kevin, is that you?"

"Yeah," Ryan responds and Esposito trails behind him as they walk into the living room where Alexis is slouched on the couch reading one of her textbooks. "Javi's here, too."

Alexis raises her eyebrows, "I saved some dinner, but I'm not sure if there's enough for two of you."

Ryan shrugs, "Don't worry, Alexis. I'm not hungry anyway."

"Did you eat at work? You missed breakfast." Alexis crosses her arms and looks over at Esposito so he can have her back.

"Rough case, don't worry about me," Ryan says, but doesn't look at her so he doesn't see her stare. He turns around to toss his coat on the armchair. "You need a ride home? It's late and I don't want you out alone."

Alexis rolls her eyes. "I'm not a child,  _Detective._ I can make a 5 minute drive." She grabs her purse and coat from the coffee table and gives both Ryan and Esposito a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Ryan smiles as he follows her to the door and doesn't turn away until she is safe and sound in her car, driving away. She waves goodbye to him one last time in the car which he returns. He shuts and locks the door before heading back to the living room.

Esposito had already retrieved a sheet from the hall closet and was draping it over the couch when Ryan enters the room. He watches his partner trying to set up his bedding to get comfortable and he sighs, "What are you doing?"

Esposito is about to lay down, still in his work clothes and gives Ryan a hesitant response, "Uh, going to sleep?"

"On the couch? Dude, that's okay when we both pass out during Madden, but not when I've got an empty queen sized bed in the other room. Not  _tonight_." He emphasizes.

Esposito is too tired to complain and stands back up from the couch. "Thanks, bro," He mumbles, walking beside his partner into his bedroom. He feels like the 'bro' was heavily needed because he's about to share a fucking bed with his fucking partner.

When Ryan opens his door and flicks on the light, he chuckles. "Or maybe not so empty."

On his bed is Sarah Grace curled around his pillow, sleeping soundly.

Esposito grins as he watches his partner blush, trying to explain. "She gets upset when I don't come home on time and sleeps on my bed. I completely forgot she'd probably be here. I can move her to her room-"

"No!" Esposito says a little too loudly, he's afraid for a second that he woke up Sarah Grace when she shifts on the pillow with a soft moan. "Don't wake her up, I'll crash on the couch."

He goes to turn back out of the room, but Ryan grabs his arm and doesn't let him move. "There's enough room, I'll lift her to my chest." He looks Esposito up and down once before bobbing his head towards his dresser. "And grab a pair of pajama pants, those can't be comfortable."

Esposito grabs a pair for him and Ryan and also two t-shirts. He hands the blue pants and the Yankee t-shirt to Ryan before he enters the adjoining bathroom to change into the gray sweats and the Spider-Man shirt he borrowed from his partner. When he steps out of the bathroom, Ryan is changed and laying down on his side of the bed with Sarah snuggled in his arms.

Esposito walks over to the other side of the bed and doesn't stop to think about how ridiculous it is that he's about to share a bed with his damn partner. He just pulls the blanket up and settles into the mattress, keeping a few inches between each other, but not like he's consciously making sure they don't cross invisible lines.

He switches off the bedside lamp and whispers, "'Night, Ryan."

"Goodnight, Javi." He hears Ryan's voice, soft and gentle in the dark of the room. It's too somber; Espo needs to lighten the mood, help him laugh because that's what he always does when they're in any kind of trouble. He makes a joke and gets Ryan to smile away the pain.

"You better not hog the blankets, it's bad enough you snore."

He hears Ryan chuckle besides him, it sounding much louder when the light is off. "And  _you_ better not kick."

And like that, Esposito is able to fall asleep as if he was sleeping in his own bed. He hopes that Ryan is able to do the same. They need all the rest they can get for this case.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Esposito wakes up to see Ryan and Sarah Grace both still asleep. Thankfully, Ryan had gotten more comfortable in the night. He is no longer sitting up to hold his daughter, he is lying down flat with Sarah's head resting on his shoulder facing Esposito.

Esposito sees that she has wrapped one of her arms around Ryan's waist, but the other has a tight grip in Esposito's t-shirt. Her little arm had reached over during the night to close the small gap between them.

The digital clock sitting on the nightstand reads 6:15, long before Ryan will wake up. He's never been a morning person. Esposito figures that he has probably an hour and a half before Ryan wakes up. So he carefully dislodges Sarah's small fist from the borrowed t-shirt he is wearing and gets up.

Once out of the bedroom, he starts breakfast; settling on simple pancakes and cooks and hums quietly through the silence until there is a stack of pancakes on the table and a bowl of cheesy, scrambled eggs beside the plate.

Just as he is about to go in and wake up his sleeping partner and Goddaughter, there's a knock at the door. He's confused at first but then remembers Sarah goes into school after Ryan is already at work, so it's most likely Alexis at the door.

He arrives at the door and opens it with a smile. "Good morning, Alexis."

"Good morning, Javier." She starts to pull off her scarf as she walks through the doorway. She sniffs the air and grins. "Didn't know you could cook."

Esposito shrugs his shoulders. "It's just pancakes and eggs. Ryan didn't eat last night so I'm gonna make sure he does before he goes."

"You didn't eat either." She says pointedly.

Esposito avoids her eyes and clears her throat. "I was just gonna go in and wake them. Ry was tossing and turning all night, I figured he needed the extra hour."

"I'll go get Sarah's uniform ready while you wake them." She turns around to the hall where she gos to get everything ready for Sarah to get to school.

Esposito watches her disappear in Sarah's doorway before entering Ryan's. He starts with Sarah since she is much easier to wake than her father. He shakes her shoulder softly and whispers, "C'mon, Sarah, it's almost time for school. I made breakfast." She blinks her eyes steadily before smiling and raising her hands up. Esposito smiles back and lifts her up against his hip. She leans her head against him and begins to suck her thumb and twirl her hair.

Esposito uses his free hand to shake his partner, rougher than Sarah. "Yo, Ryan. Up and at 'em." Ryan peeks an eye open, a mere sliver of blue bright, before shutting it with a grumble when he sees his partner.

Esposito rolls his eyes and tugs the blankets off of him. "Get your skinny, white ass out of bed before I kick it."

"No."

"I'll give you 10 minutes to get up and get dressed before I come back with a bowl of warm water." Esposito walks out after that, but doesn't miss the grumbling from his cranky partner.

Esposito heads back into the kitchen with Sarah and once she sees the breakfast in front of her, she immediately perks up. "Looks good, Uncle Javi."

"Tell your father that so he eats it." He says before making her a plate, then making one for Alexis as well before he takes some for himself.

Sarah polishes off her plate just as Ryan walks out, dressed and ready. Dark bags pool under his eyes, but Esposito pretends like he doesn't notice and starts making a plate for him. "You've gotta eat." He leaves no room for arguing.

Sarah bounces in her seat. "You'll love it, Daddy. Uncle Javi is a good cooker."

Ryan smiles down at her, though it doesn't reach his eyes, but Esposito is thankful when he sits and starts to eat. Content that he's eating, Espo stands up from his chair. "I'm gonna get ready and then we can head out. Alexis is here. She's getting Sarah's uniform."

Ryan nods his head as he chews on a piece of pancake and Espo turns to the bedroom where he left his clothes the previous night. He thinks he hears Ryan say, "Thank you so much, Javi." But he chalks it up to him hearing things before shutting the bedroom door.

Once his bedroom door shuts, Ryan sighs heavily and leans back in his chair. Next to his plate on the table is a small stack of mail from the previous day that he never got the chance to open. He figures that he can go through it while he finishes his breakfast and Espo gets dressed.

He pulls the first envelope from the pile and opens it up, only to wish he hadn't seconds later. His eyes keep rereading the letter just to be sure he's reading it correctly. Glad that Sarah Grace left the table already to get ready for school, Ryan curses and slams his fist against the table.

It's a letter from the pension department stating that Jennifer Ryan is still the one to receive his pension, not Sarah Grace like he wants.

He's already pulling out his cell phone, dialing their number so he can get this mess out of the way. A computer operated voice answers the phone and Ryan groans when he's put on hold. He drums his fingers against the tabletop anxiously, keeping the clock in his side view so he doesn't lose track of the time.

He swears he's been sitting there for 15 minutes and still no one has taken his call yet. When his partner reenters the room, his hair is combed, his shirt's buttoned and he even smells suspiciously like Ryan's cologne.

Esposito notices him on the phone and raises his shoulders with a shake of his head asking,  _What's going on?_  Ryan sighs and cups the speaker of the phone even though no one is answering to even hear him. "My damn pension is fucked up." He growls, all but shoving the letter to Esposito. Ryan watched his partner's eyes skim down the paper when finally someone answers the phone.

"Good afternoon, how may I assist you today?" Came the cheery voice on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah," Ryan tries not to sound too bitter. "I got a letter in the mail about my pension and I was wondering if there's someone I could speak to about changing who receives it. God forbid something happens."

"I'm sorry, sir, there are only three reasons that can allow an officer to switch it and that is; death, divorce or marriage." She didn't sound too sorry.

"My wife passed and she's currently set to receive it, all I want to do is switch it to my daughter." Ryan runs a hand through his hair.

"Oh, of course, I'm so sorry for your loss." She says sincerely and continues after a pause, "Let me get someone on the line that can help you with your problem. If you could just hold for a moment."

Ryan jumps up from his chair with a shout, "No, please, don't put me on hold." She must not hear him because the annoying music he had just suffered through for 20 minutes is back.

Esposito stifles a laugh at his partner's expense. "On hold again?"

Ryan rolls his eyes and pushes the chair from out behind him, "I'll keep her on until I get to the precinct. Hopefully someone will have helped me by then." He stands up and calls for Sarah Grace while he grabs his jacket from the chair behind him.

Sarah comes barreling down the hallway in her uniform just like every morning, her skirt bouncing and her stockings smacking against the hardwood floor. "Wait, Daddy!" She giggles and collides into her father's legs. Ryan smiles, his daughter draining his stress away as always and leans over to place a kiss to the top of her head.

"I'll see you after work, it's Friday so you can stay up a little later." Ryan promises, watching his daughter's eyes light up.

She turns to Esposito and tugs on his pant leg, "Will you come, too, Uncle Javi? We can have a movie night."

Esposito laughs and gives her a kiss as well. "I guess I could squeeze you into my busy schedule."

"Yay!" Sarah twirls right into Alexis' arms behind her. She has Sarah's Mary Janes in one hand and her backpack in the other.

"C'mon, Giggles, you've got school. You don't wanna be late like Daddy and Uncle Javi, do you?" Alexis looks at the two detective pointedly.

Ryan waves his hand at the phone. "For once we have an excuse, thank you very much."

Esposito scoffs. "Yeah, bro, that'll go over with Gates perfectly. I'll drive and you can finish your phone call, princess."

Ryan ignores his partner and turns to thank Alexis. "I'm sorry I was home so late last night. I know its Friday and I hate to dump my kid with you-"

"Don't, Kevin. I love Sarah Grace and there's nowhere else I'd rather spend my night than with her." She squeezes her softly."She's the little sister I never had."

"I'm serious, Alexis, you're 26 years old. You should be able to go out and have a life. If I'm late, just drop her off at the precinct or call Castle."

Alexis rolls her eyes. "I'm not going to do that. Now get to work."

Kevin smiles gratefully and thanks her again before heading out the door. He follows his partner to their car parked out front and just as he's sitting in the passenger seat, he gets someone to pick up the call.

"Good morning." He sounds grumpy and it's not even 8 o'clock in the morning yet.

"Good morning, I was calling about changing my status in the pension files-."

"Badge number and identification." Wow, they should really switch him to the night shift.

"Uh, Detective Kevin Ryan, badge number 42344." He looks over at Esposito and makes a face at the phone. His partner laughs again. Dick.

"You're calling in reference to…?" He sounds agitated, like Ryan is wasting his time.  _Hate to break it you buddy, but this your job._

"I need my late wife, Jennifer Ryan changed to my daughter, Sarah Grace Ryan."

"It says here your wife has been deceased for over three years."

Ryan's eyebrows furrow. "Yes, sir, April of 2016. I don't understand why-." His partner looks at him curiously when he stops talking because the operator cuts him off.

"Pensions may only be changed up to a year after the death, marriage or divorce."

Ryan sits straighter in his seat. "What do you mean I had a year?"

"We sent multiple letters," is all he says and now Ryan is angry.

"Sorry I was too busy mourning the death of my wife to worry about this shit!" His outburst causes Esposito to look at him in concern.

"Those are the rules and I cannot bend them for anyone. is there anything else I can help you with?"

"She's my daughter!" Ryan slams his palm against his car door. "Why the Hell can't you just switch them out?" He runs a hand through his hair, already ruining his gel. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry I didn't respond in a year. But, come on, this is ridiculous."

The man on the other end sighs, making him seem just a bit human. "I'm sorry, Detective, but there's nothing I can do."

"Yeah, yeah, I understand." Ryan huffs before muttering a goodbye and slamming his phone on the seat besides him.

Esposito lets his partner cool down for a few blocks before he decides to bring up the phone call. "What's that all about?"

Ryan moves his angry eyes from staring out the window to his partner. "Those asses won't let me change it because I only had a year to do so after Jenny died. What the Hell is wrong with them? I can't go to work, risking my life everyday, to not even have anything for Sarah Grace."

Esposito knows when his partner is upset and right now, that would be an understatement. "So what're you gonna do?"

"I don't know, man. The only possible way of changing it is marriage, now." He sighs and his forehead hits the glass window with a thud.

Esposito turns his head towards the road in front of him and clears his throat. "We'll figure something out, bro."

Ryan enters the bullpen with Esposito by his side, and he's radiating fury with each step. Esposito gives anybody and everybody the stinkeye that dares to give them a weird look. They've got a rough case and now Ryan has this other crap to deal with- it's not fair.

Castle is the one to mention it first because when does the writer ever know when to keep his mouth shut? "Who pissed in your Lucky Charms?"

Esposito glares at him and answers on behalf of his partner, who has just thrown himself into his chair. "Not including this damn case? He got a letter from the pension department because Jenny's still listed, but he can't change it unless he gets married."

Beckett whirls to face Ryan. "You didn't file for it like I told you? Of course you can't now, it's been over a year."

Ryan shoves papers and folders to the side of his desk. "It's a stupid rule. I don't remember any of that year. How was I supposed to start to file that shit?"

Castle shares a quick glance with Beckett; both feeling sorry for the detective, but knowing there's not a lot they can do to help. "So you can't change Sarah to receive your pension?"

"No," Ryan huffs, giving up on organizing his desk. "I bust my ass for the city every day and they can't just give me this? It's bad enough if I die, she's already getting sent to some orphanage and now she'll have no money for college-."

"Hey," Esposito grabs his shoulder firmly. "Stop talking like that. I already told you once." Both Ryan and Esposito hold each other's gaze, neither willing to move or even blink. "You're. Not. Going. To. Die."

Their silent argument can go on forever, but an officer behind them interrupts. "Excuse me, Detective Ryan?"

Ryan's nose scrunches before turning away from his partner's narrowed eyes. When he turns around, he doesn't need the officer to tell him why he's here. Behind him is the young girl from the orphanage yesterday, Paige. She looks terrified standing in front of the detectives, fidgeting.

She looks up to the officer and nods so he can leave giving her privacy. "I thought about what you said and I want to help."

Ryan's face brightens, pulling out a chair for her to take between him and Castle. "That's great, Paige, we could really use your help if you know anything."

Paige nods, almost forgetting to speak before clearing her throat. "Miss Owens can't know." She seems almost hesitant, but continues. "She thinks I'm in my room right now, but I snuck out of the fire escape. Please don't tell her."

Castle chuckles. "Don't worry, Paige, we'd be the last ones to tell on you. You're safe here."

Paige's lips turn up and she speaks with a stronger voice. "Good, because I know who killed Casey."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who follows and favorites this story. Especially those who also review because reviews make me smile. I want this fic to hit at least 50k words and it will, but it's nice to see when people enjoy it. And reading your reviews always put me in a good mood to write and keep the juices flowing. So please don't be shy and maybe drop a review?
> 
> An extra big thanks to txmedic37. She is keeping this fic from looking like total garbage. Couldn't do this without you, girl:)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning that the non-con and murder scene are very _vaguely_ described here. But it's nothing too bad, just want to warn you.

Paige sits down across from the four in an empty interrogation room. She glances down at the small microphone and asks, "Are you recording this?"

The others let Ryan speak seeing as she has already started to trust him. "We need it for the case, so yes. But, we'll be the ones hearing it. Miss Owens will most likely admit to being guilty and we won't even need it in court."

Paige sighs. "As long as Casey gets justice." She picks her head up with her eyes narrowed in determination.

"That's what we're here for." Ryan smiles softly. "Just start from the beginning."

Paige takes a deep breath and nods. She doesn't take her eyes away from Ryan's as she begins. "I have to start off saying that Miss Owens is not the best caretaker. She don't hit us or anything like that, but she doesn't treat us like she should. We call her Miss Hannigan." She pauses like she doesn't expect him to understand the reference. Of course he's seen  _Annie_. "I usually sneak Case out with me some nights because she deserves-" She closes her eyes and corrects, "Deserved a childhood. But that night we didn't go out, I swear."

"We believe you," Ryan says, holding her gaze so she can continue.

"That night, Miss Owens had her boyfriend over. Ethan, she called him. She met him one night out and brought him home. We'd thought it was a fling, then he came back and back again for a few weeks. We, the girls," She clarifies. "Didn't like him one bit. He thought it was amusing to watch her forget all about us in favor of him.

"That night they were out late, until like 11. They came stumbling through the door, all loud and noisy. I knew they were drunk. I heard him saying... _stuff_ , but Miss Owens kept on saying how she didn't want anything that night. She just wanted sleep and they went into her bedroom. I thought they were done, so I went to bed." Tears start to fall down her face. "I shouldn't have went to bed."

"It wasn't your fault, Paige."

"I coulda stopped him." She shakes her head and wipes the tears from her cheeks. "I woke up an hour later, maybe less. Casey was crying, I thought it was a nightmare." She looks down into her lap and whispers darkly. "Little did I know it'd be mine."

Ryan reaches over and rubs her arm gently, easing her to continue, but take her time.

"I got out of bed and went to her room. The younger girls and older girls are split. So there's only 3 girls in Casey's room. They slept through it." She explains. "Anyway, I peeked into her doorway and I saw him...he was...his pants were around his knees and he was-" She can't get it out, she'll get sick before she describes the horror she saw in the bedroom that night. "I couldn't move." Her tears are back and she's choking on sobs. "She saw me. She called my name." She lifts her head to meet Ryan's eyes. "He thought she was just calling for help so he covered her mouth and screamed at her. I shoulda done something, but I couldn't move. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her so hard. Just kept shaking her small little body until she stopped crying."

She pauses her recount to try and subdue her tears. "He realized what he'd done and jumped off her. I ran back into my room after that. I didn't want him to see me and I just ran. How could I do that?"

"Paige," Beckett speaks up. "There was nothing you could have done. Right now, what you're doing is the best help she'll get. It's the only way."

Paige nods and her sobs turn to a mixture of sniffles and hiccups. "Is that enough? Can you get him?"

"Can you give us a last name or where he works? Somehow we can narrow him down?" Castle asks.

"How's this?" She slips her hand in her pocket and pulls out a cell phone. "It's Miss Owens'." She slides it across the table and doesn't remove her hand until Ryan reaches for it with a smile.

"That's perfect."

* * *

 

"Ethan Mills, 28 and a prior of battery," Esposito reads from his computer screen.

"Soon to be sexual assault and murder," Beckett says bitterly, leaning over Esposito's shoulder to find his address. "36th and Lex."

Ryan's already grabbing his gun from his drawer and ready to leave the bullpen. Beckett and Esposito are a few seconds delayed, but are ready to go alongside Castle and Ryan.

"Vests are in the car, but I want you staying back, Castle," Beckett announces when they're in the elevator.

Castle turns to her and his eyebrows furrow. "Why do I have to wait in the car? I can take care of myself; I've held my own before."

"You know what he did to a six year old girl, Rick. God only knows what he'd do to you and you have nothing to protect yourself." She doesn't want to continue this conversation, as the elevator doors slide open and they step out to exit the precinct.

"Then give me a gun to use, Beckett." He huffs to keep up with her power walking in those tall heels of hers.

"You know I can't do that. God forbid something happens and you shoot it off. IA will be looking into all three of us and we could easily lose our jobs. Especially me for letting a civilian handle my gun that was given to me by the city."

"Better to be judged by 12, than carried by 6," Ryan mutters, not looking at his partners.

They all give him a concerned stare; Ryan had been down all morning and only Esposito knows the prominent reason was because of the letter he received. Beckett sighs and takes one last glimpse of Ryan before turning to Castle. "Fine, I'll give you my off-duty. But only use it if you have to."

"Besides," Esposito says just as they reach the car. "We've got bigger problems than the IA if Castle has to defend himself with a gun."

The mood grows somber and their conversation goes silent. Beckett unlocks the door and she and Castle slip into the front seats, while Ryan and Esposito slide into the back. Beckett drives faster than the speed limit and is ready to wave her badge if she's pulled over. Sirens would be preferable, but that's pushing the envelope.

It's quiet for the first few minutes until Beckett hits her first red light and is forced to a stop. She's grumbling under her breath, even though it will not make the light change any faster. Kevin's head hits the window with a thud and he says, "I'm a horrible father."

Esposito is quick to say otherwise, "Ryan, stop that. I already-"

"I should have kept an eye out for the pension. I should have made sure I switched it." His head hits the window again.

Castle turns around, concerned for his friend. "Ryan, come on, you were grieving. Don't beat yourself up."

Ryan stubbornly shakes his head. "No, Castle. I was careless and rolling around in my self pity instead of caring for my daughter. Because I was such an ass, I'll get shot and Sarah Grace will have zero of my pension, she'll be sent to some crappy orphanage where monsters like Ethan can get to her and-"

Esposito's strong grip on his arm is what keeps him from having a full blown anxiety attack. "Kevin Ryan, you are not dying. You hear me? You've got the three best partners in the fucking city having your back. And Sarah Grace would  _never_ be thrown into the system. You know that."

"He's right, Ryan. You're a great father." Castle attempts to lighten the mood. "I mean I may still have the 'RHD' award, but I'm sure you'd get the R _D_ D award."

Beckett eyes him through the corner of her eyes as she speeds ahead. "And that would be?"

"Ruggedly  _Dorky_ Dad, of course." He winks at the Irishman before turning back to face the road.

"I just...I just want to do what's best for Sarah," Ryan mutters, slumping against the seat.

"You are, bro." Esposito drapes an arm around his partner's shoulder and squeezes him lightly. "Don't ever doubt that."

"Yeah, okay," Ryan says dejectedly looking out the window.

* * *

 

When they reach the apartment building 15 minutes later, Castle really starts to feel the butterflies not fluttering around his stomach, but rather gnawing. He steps out with his 'Writer' vest in hand, staring up at the seedy building. It was located on a block where gunshots going off were as frequent as the sun rising each morning.

Just as he finishes wrapping the vest around his chest, Beckett comes to his side and fastens it for him. After a check or two, Beckett deems it safe enough and pulls out an extra Glock. She places it firmly in Castle's hand with one last warning. "Only use it if you have to and  _don't get shot_."

Castle nods, and wraps his fingers around the cold grip. For all they know, they could be overreacting and nothing will go awry. But, it's better to be safe than sorry in the line of duty.

Once Beckett leaves his side, Castle stares down at the weapon in his hand with distaste. He was never a fan of guns, except when they were in the hands of a trained professional. And that belief only grew when three NYPD detectives became his best friends, borderline family. Knowing that one of them could go into work, but not come home just because some kid got a little trigger happy, or the stoner that didn't even know he was shooting until the sirens woke him up, or the general murderer who got off on killing people, especially the cops that tried to stop them. Now he's glad that his family has a way to protect themselves, but he still finds it disgusting that they  _need_ to protect themselves.

He doesn't like the feel of the gun in his hand. It's all wrong and makes him uncomfortable. Sure, he'd joked about using one in the past, but it's a whole different light when you're given one because someone may try and shoot you right back. He prays that no one will have to use their gun today before he slips his into his waistband.

Beckett and Castle wait for Esposito to finish putting on Ryan's vest before they turn to head into the building. "We're getting his ass," Beckett promises as they walk past his car parked into the front. Thankfully, he lives in a railroad like Ryan and they don't have to walk up endless amounts of stairs to find his apartment.

When they reach the door, Beckett pounds three times. The four finish exchanging their uneasy glances just before the door opens. Standing on the other side is Ethan, looking like crap. He looks at them with furrowed brows. His eyes land on the badge around Esposito's neck and his face pales. He immediately slams the door and makes a run for it.

Castle sticks his foot in between the door and the door frame just before it closes. Beckett shoves it with a curse. "Ryan and Esposito you go out the back while Castle and I try and get him before he sneaks out."

"Got it," Esposito nods his head, and he and Ryan make their way down the stoop and around the back.

Castle stays behind Beckett and they begin their chase through Ethan's living room. Ethan already has a headstart, but that doesn't dampen Beckett's hopes. She knows there's no one on their team who would let him get away. "NYPD! Ethan, stop running!" Beckett yells as they race down the hall.

He chooses his bedroom window to try and fit through; it has a convenient exit to an alley. Well, convenient if Ryan and Espo weren't waiting on the other side of the window. He disappears from the window frame and his hesitation of jumping helps Beckett and Castle to catch up to him.

Beckett hops out the window in one swift motion. Castle knows it's his turn next; he looks out the window. Castle pulls himself into the window frame and doesn't look down before sliding out. The fall isn't bad at all; he lands in a crouch and pulls himself up a second later. He looks up and sees that Ethan is cornered by Ryan and Esposito, and Beckett is advancing a few feet behind.

The second he's fully vertical again, the world stop turning. It seems to go in agonizing slow motion; Beckett goes to read the Miranda rights and pull her handcuffs out when Ethan raises his arm with a gun in hand and shoots. He doesn't warn them. He doesn't give them a moment to get cover. He just shoots.

And Ryan falls to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to leave it like this. I hope you're all enjoying this fic so far:)
> 
> Thank you for everybody reading, favoriting, subscribing and reviewing my story! Reviews make me so happy and want to write even more.
> 
> A _big_ thank you to txmedic37 for being my beta.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a day late. I thought today was Saturday and only just realized it was Sunday.

They had him. All they needed was for Ethan to drop his weapon and get him cuffed. Esposito was positive they had him, until he raised his gun and shot his partner.

Watching that scene unfold before him is going down as the worst heart stopping moment in his entire life. He couldn't do anything, but watch the bullet sail directly to his partner, causing him to fall back unconscious against the pavement. He doesn't know if Ryan's still alive, but he decides to take down this prick before running to his partner's aid.

One. Two. Three bullets rip new holes into Ethan's chest. His face shows he's in tremendous pain just before he crumples to the ground. Esposito stares at his now lifeless body for a long second before Beckett's shout rips him back to reality.

"10-13," she's screaming into her walkie talkie. "I have an officer down, GSW on the side of his head. I need a bus, now!"

Esposito sees his partner's limp body beneath Beckett and Castle, but he's not sure if he can make it.  _His partner was shot in the head._  His knees feel weak and shaky, but he needs to see his partner before the ambulance comes. So he pushes forward and falls to his side.

Esposito sees the puddle of blood beneath his head. There's so much; Esposito feels nauseous. His fingers graze over the wound just below Ryan's temple. He lets out what sounds like a choked sob when he realizes it's just a graze. His bloody fingers move to just under Ryan's ear searching for a pulse. It takes a few extra frightening seconds that Esposito could have lived without until he finds it.

"He's alive," Esposito says before screaming into his own radio. "Where the fuck is the bus?" Esposito growls before turning his attention back to Ryan's head. There's too much blood for it to be just from his bullet wound, so he turns Ryan's head and sees that he's also bleeding where his head connected to the cement.

"God," Esposto muttered. "You better be okay, you fucking idiot." He lifts Ryan's head off the ground and cradles it in his lap, so he doesn't have to lay on the hard pavement any longer.

Just over a minute later, an ambulance comes tearing down the alley and pulls up besides the three. There's also two squad cars pulling up to the scene with their lights flashing. EMTs rush out of the vehicle to their side.

They're checking his pulse and assessing the damage as a stretcher is wheeled their way. They're yelling all kinds of medical mumbo jumbo, but Esposito doesn't understand any of it. He's too wrapped up trying to comprehend the fact that his partner was just shot in the head, causing him to collapse to the ground rendering him unconscious.

The EMTs lift him up carefully, and they're all working diligently to save Ryan; they're working even harder knowing he's NYPD. Another set of responders are hovering over Ethan's body, but it's too late to save him. Esposito made sure of that.

"Wait!" Esposito says once his partner's head isn't in his lap anymore. "Can I ride in the ambulance with him?"

One paramedic nods, but warns him. "We're leaving right away."

Esposito turns to Beckett. "You two following?"

Beckett nods her head. "We'll be right behind you."

She squeezes his hand softly in hers before he lifts himself off the ground. He follows the EMTs as they rush to the back of the ambulance. He watches anxiously as they load the stretcher into the back and Esposito pulls himself up.

He sits on the on the opposite side of the paramedics in the back of the ambulance. Esposito gives the professionals room to do what they can. Esposito's still close enough to make sure Ryan knows he's not alone. His partner wouldn't leave him. Espo grabs his partner's limp hand and stares at how pale his skin looks compared to his; even more so than usual.

As he watches the EMTs fuss over Kevin and do what they can to stop the bleeding, he feels himself start to shake. His partner is dying in front of him; it's just hitting him. This could very well be the last day on earth for Kevin. The pension ordeal seems so stupid now.

The paramedics continue to work on him until they arrive at St. Michael's Hospital. They haven't stopped communicating with their medical terms and Esposito doesn't know if it's good or bad that he doesn't know what they're saying about his partner's condition.

They hustle out of the ambulance, but Esposito doesn't fall behind them. He runs by the stretcher's side, holding Kevin's hand until they're about to go through a pair of double doors leading into the emergency rooms. A nurse stops him and he loses hold of his partner. "Sir, you have to wait here. He's in good hands."

"No," Esposito mumbles and tries to push out of her arms.  _If he lets Kevin go in there, there's a good chance he won't come back._ "He needs me."

"He needs medical attention. Why don't you sit down in the waiting room and wait for a doctor to come with some questions?" She asks patiently.

Esposito thinks about trying to break free again, but a firm grip on his arm stops him. He turns around when he hears a familiar voice assure the nurse. "Thank you. We'll be sitting in the waiting room."

Esposito turns his head to find Beckett behind him; Castle is behind her already saving two other seats for them. He sighs heavily and wipes the sweat from his forehead, forgetting that his hands are covered in his partner's blood.

He manages to smear the drying blood all over his forehead. Beckett sees the panic rising and she takes his hand to lead him over to the chairs lined up against the wall. She makes sure he sits in a seat before saying, "It's going to take a few hours to stitch him, I'd imagine. So why don't we get cleaned up while we're waiting."

The 'we' strongly implies Esposito because he is the one covered in blood. His lap, hands and face are red. Esposito knows this. "Only if it doesn't require me leaving this hospital."

"You can wash your hands and face, but you can't change your clothes. We can run home and be right back." Castel tries to reason with the detective.

"I'm not leaving him." Esposito doesn't even weigh the options in his head. He knows that he doesn't want to leave his partner alone in this hospital and that's that.

"That's fine." Castle pats his arm and offers to bring him to the bathroom and help wash the blood off.

Javier sighs, but allows Castle to lead him to the men's room. He doesn't say a word as he watches the sink turn red. Castle washes his hands, too, but he's not nearly as covered as Espo is.

The writer waits patiently for Esposito to clean his face before they decide they are decent enough to enter the waiting room again. All they need is an already on edge family to see two men covered in blood, causing them to panic.

It's easier to just stay to their three chairs and not cause any trouble for the next few hours.

* * *

One of Javier's favorite memories he has of his mother is his first time to Coney Island. It was two months after his father walked out of the door and never came back. Javier's mother said they didn't need him; he was hardly there for them when he was there, anyway.

She took him to Coney Island to celebrate.

The rides were fun and the food was even better. But if there was one thing he hated, it was the lines. If he wanted to ride a roller coaster, there was a line. If he and Mama wanted to share a funnel cake they, had to wait on line. Hell, even using the restroom required waiting on a line.

And it wasn't necessarily the lines that bugged him so much. It was the waiting. Eight-year-olds can only stand in one spot for so long without going crazy.

And as it turns out, his intolerance for waiting followed him into adulthood. Or maybe it's the fact he isn't waiting for his turn to ride the Cyclone, but rather find out if his partner survived or not.

He's been sitting in his chair for three and a half hours waiting for the doctor to come back with news of his partner. Castle's already made a trip for food in the cafeteria, and Beckett decided that they should wait until after school to call Alexis to tell her about the accident. Hopefully they would have news on Ryan's condition by had no say in any conversation, as he was too busy staring at the emergency doors and waiting for a doctor to emerge.

Castle and Beckett gave up trying to distract Esposito after the first hour. But, as much as Beckett or Castle thought it would be better to go home and take a quick shower and change, Javier didn't so they stayed put.

Castle's in the midst of his second attempt to get Esposito to at least take a bite of the turkey sandwich when the doctor steps through the doors. Esposito looks up, praying it's Ryan's doctor. Espo's heart is one thump away from pounding out of his chest.

The doctor takes a look down at his clipboard before glancing around the waiting room. Esposito follows suit and notices that there aren't many others waiting.

"Family of Detective Kevin Ryan." The doctor announces grabbing the trio's attention.

Esposito stands up first and starts towards the doctor with Castle and Beckett following closely behind. "That's us."

The doctor nods and asks, "What is your relation to Detective Ryan?"

Esposito eyes narrow wondering why the Hell he's being asked how he's related to Kevin when he should be being told if he's okay or not. "I'm his partner. How is he?"

"I'm sorry, Detective, but I cannot give out any information unless you're related to my patient." The doctor didn't seem happy to relay that news, but it was his job.

"What that Hell are you talking about? That's my partner in there and I don't know if he's okay or not!" Esposito jabs a finger behind the doctor.

"I'm very sorry, but those are the rules-"

The doctor's interrupted by Castle, notorious for charming his way to what he wants. "Excuse him, Doctor. He's a little frazzled. You can only imagine the stress he's feeling from waiting in this hospital for four hours just to see if his fiance is okay or not."

Esposito's head whips towards the writer and there's so much he wants to ask, but knows better and keeps his mouth shut. Beckett's equally as surprised and places a hand on her husband's back. "Rick," She whispers with a faux smile on her face. "What are you doing?"

Castle ignores the two in order to wipe the slightly dubious look from the doctor's face. "Kevin is his partner. At work and at home. He should have mentioned that earlier, but as I said he is very upset." Cue the famous, Castle smile.

The doctor sighs, but gives in whether he believes Castle's story or not. "I apologize for the misunderstanding."

Esposito nods in acceptance before asking again if his partner is okay.

Finally, the doctor introduces himself and begins to share Ryan's condition. "As you know, I am Detective Ryan's doctor, Doctor Clarke. The bullet only grazed his head, thankfully. There was no damage to the brain or skull. We were able to stitch up his wound. He has a minor concussion from the impact with the cement."

"So he's alive?" Esposito asks even though he has his answer. All he needs is confirmation that his partner is alive and well.

Doctor Clarke nods. "He is, but he's still unconscious. He should wake up in an hour or so."

Esposito breathes a sigh of relief and Castle grabs his arm to make sure he doesn't slump over. "Can we see him?"

"Yes, but-" Esposito sees he is looking at Castle and Beckett about to challenge their relation to Ryan, so Espo interrupts him.

"I'm his family and I say that these two are close enough to family just as much as I am. They're coming." He doesn't uncross his arms until Doctor Clarke gives in with a small nod.

"Very well then, follow me." Doctor Clarke says before leading them down the hall until they reached Ryan's room. He opens the door and says before leaving, "If something happens or when he wakes up, press the button above his bed and Nurse Young will come."

"Thank you, Doctor," Beckett says just before he walks away and the three step through the door.

Esposito walks in first with his breath held. He doesn't know what he'll see or how broken his partner will look. When his eyes do lay upon his partner in the hospital bed, he can feel his breathing stutter. Esposito and Ryan were always arguing over who was the taller and more built one, and Esposito always said that his partner was a good three inches shorter. But now with Ryan wrapped under blankets and surrounded by looming machines, he looks  _years_ younger than Esposito.

Ryan's hair is down against his forehead, reminding Espo of the time that he and his partner were undercover as college students. His skin is pale, but his cheeks are rosey. It's his face when he's asleep that takes years off him. He doesn't look entirely peaceful, but there is a significant amount of stress gone. His chest is rising and falling underneath the repulsive hospital gown.

"God, Kevin." Esposito falls into the chair placed beside the bed. "If you ever scare me like this again, I will kill you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, following, favoriting and especially reviewing! Reading your reviews make me so happy!
> 
> An even bigger thanks goes to txmedic37 for beta-ing my story and helping fix all the mistakes.
> 
> I have to go on a short hiatus after this update because tomorrow morning I'm leaving for vacation and I'll be away for 2 weeks. I hope to write while I'm away and keep ahead of schedule, but I may or not be able to post.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Short hiatus is over now that I'm back from vacation. But, unfortunately I did fall behind on writing and only have two chapters pre-written and may have to take another short break in the future to catch up.**

 

" _We interrupt your regular scheduled program for breaking news."_

Alexis barely lifts her head from Sarah Grace's math problem. She isn't watching anything; the TV is just on as background noise.

The TV cuts to the nightly news reporter, Gwen Carter standing just outside a taped off alley way. Police lights are illuminating the darkening New York street. "Just behind me, you can see where this morning's shooting took place," Gwen turns to the side a bit and motions to the scene behind her. "Reports have been confirmed that a NYPD Detective was shot during an attempt to arrest their suspect."

This grabs Alexis' attention as she stares at the television; she hopes no one that Ryan, Esposito and Beckett knows was the one shot. Sarah continues to do her homework as Alexis watches the television from the corner of her eye.

The screen splits into two with one side showing Gwen at the scene and the other side a reporter stationed in the studio. The latter, Jeff Anderson, begins to speak. "Gwen, is it true that the bullet was aimed towards the Detective's head?"

Gwen nods her head. "Thankfully, the bullet only skimmed his head. He's recovering in St. Michael's Hospital in unknown condition."

"But, he is alive?" Jeff asks like he doesn't already know the answer.

"He was alive when he left in the ambulance. The suspect that shot him however was pronounced dead at the scene."

"What else would you expect when someone shoots a member of the NYPD in the head?" Jeff then changes the subject. "Now, there have been rumors that the Detective shot was one of the inspirations for Richard Castle's  _Nikki Heat_ series."

"I can confirm those rumors, Jeff," she says with a grim nod. "Which one, I don't know. But, I can promise you his fans will be saddened when they hear the news."

The pencil drops from Alexis' hand when she hears the news.  _It's her family._ She wonders why her father didn't call the second it happened or when they arrived at the hospital. She checks the clock and sees that it's been at least six hours since the shooting.

_Shooting._  That word churns her stomach in the most nauseating of ways. Their job is dangerous, but she never really worried too much. She's known them for 11 years and although their have been several close calls, it's never made the news. But, getting shot in the head is serious.  _Skimmed._ Alexis reminds herself. He's alive; it was just a skim.

But, who is he? The news said it was a male detective, so it couldn't have been Beckett or her dad. That only leaves either Ryan or Esposito.

She looks down at the little girl doing her homework happily, ignorant to what's going on. Soon they'd find out if it was her father shot or if it was her Godfather.

She's going to find out now, though.

"Excuse me, Sarah," Alexis says stepping away from the table to shut off the television. The reporters are just going over the scene once again and Alexis can't stand to hear it anymore. "I've got to call my Dad. You finish up that worksheet and then you're done with homework for the rest of the night."

She nods and gets to her work so she can get it finished. "Can you make dinner afterwards? Your mac and cheese is so good."

Alexis tries to smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Of course, Sarah."

With that, she exits the kitchen and stands just outside the doorway in the hall. She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket and dials her father's number quickly. He doesn't pick up right away and she can just imagine him fidgeting in the hospital deciding whether or not to pick up.

He picks up on the fourth ring. " _Alexis,-"_

She immediately cuts him off. "Dad, why didn't you call me the second you heard something?"

Her father sounds genuinely confused. " _Honey, what do you mean?"_

Alexis huffs and answers, "I saw it on the news. What happened this morning?"

He doesn't respond right away. "The news? I swear, Alexis, that's not how I wanted you to find out. We were just gonna wait for Ryan to wake up so you didn't have to worry."

Alexis swallows the lump in her throat. "So it was Kevin?"

"Oh, yeah," he says almost distractedly. "They didn't say so on the news?"

"No." She runs a hand through her hair. "I wasn't sure...but, why didn't you just tell me? I'm not a kid."

Her dad sighs. "I know, Alexis. We just didn't want you to worry. We were going to call when he woke up and knew he was fine."

"Is…" she's almost afraid to ask. "Is he okay now?"

"He's still unconscious, but he should be up in the next hour or two. I think you should bring Sarah over. He won't be going home until tomorrow morning and I think seeing her would make him feel better."

"Of course," Alexis agrees. "I'll bring here over after dinner."

"Good idea," he says. "I'll see you soon, then."

"Call me the second you find something out, Dad. I mean it," Alexis says sternly.

"Okay, okay. I will," he promises. "Love you, baby girl."

Alexis smiles softly, glad that she has her father to go through life with. She can't imagine what it's like to have no one by your side. She looks sadly into the kitchen where Sarah is still working diligently and prays she never has to know either.

"Love you, too, Daddy."

* * *

When Castle hangs up the phone, he doesn't miss a beat before turning on the television attached to the wall across from Ryan's temporary bed. "It's all over the news." It's all he says.

Esposito turns slightly in his seat. "Kevin?"

Castle changes to the news channel. "Watch."

Beckett and Esposito turn to fully face the television and watch two news reporters as they are discussing the shooting in detail.

"Well, Todd, I for one think that the officer was right to shoot the suspect. It's a hard job they've got; sacrificing their safety for us. Sometimes without a 'thank you' from anyone."

The man next to him purses his lips. "Of course they deserve our gratitude, but you're missing the point. The NYPD detective was not killed, but the suspect was. Was killing him necessary?"

The lead reporter, the one that is regularly on the show seems disgusted with his guest. "So what, we're supposed to let people run around thinking it's okay to shoot police officers? I don't know what kind of a world you live in where that's acceptable," he points down to the ground. "But here in America, in  _New York_ , we look after our own."

Their argument continues on, but it's drowned out by Esposito. "What the fuck do you know,  _Todd?_  You can bet your ass I'm killing the scumbag that tried to kill my partner."

"Alexis found out through the news," Castle explains. "She'll be here later with Sarah Grace."

Esposito scoffs. "I hope not every channel is making me out to be the bad guy."

Beckett sighs and rubs her partner's am comfortingly. "You did the right thing, Espo. You didn't know if Kevin was alive or not. You did the right thing," she repeats so he can't second guess himself.

"I know," he says and Beckett believes him. Because that was his partner in the line of a bullet and there was nothing Esposito wouldn't do to keep him safe.

Castle's phone rings and breaks the silence of the room. Well, almost silence, if the steady beeps and drones of machines aren't included. It can't be Alexis, as she just hung up, and anybody else that calls him normally are in this room. Maybe his mother? He checks the ID and is surprised to see 'Gina'.

He raises the phone to his ear and speaks hesitantly. "Gina?"

"It's good to talk to you, too, Richard," she brushes off his insincere greeting, despite her being the one to mention it. "Anyway, I just heard the news and there are some things I wanted to bring up."

"Wait." He stops her before she can continue in a never ending breath. " _The_ news? Or are you referring to something else?"

"What happened today, dear. Listen, if we hurry up I can get a few interviews and we can promote the upcoming  _Heat_ book. The world will eat you up if they hear how much this accident is affecting you."

Castle grips his phone tightly in his hand, instantly furious. "This  _is_ affecting me, Gina. He's like my kid brother; why the hell would I look to make money from this?"

Gina is quick to try and please her ex-husband. "Of course you care, and so do I. I hope he does feel better soon." Gina doesn't sound anything but apathetic.

"Goodbye, Gina," Castle says harshly.

"Wait! At least  _think_ about it," She coaxes.

"There is nothing to  _think about!"_ With each word he makes sure she can hear just how disgusted he is by her proposal.

"You can write it into the book! He'd love the attention." she's desperate now.

"Listen to me, Gina. Closely and  _very_ carefully. I'm not going to parade this around looking for attention. And when I write about him, it's not about the money or anything else other than the look on his face when he reads the parts he's in. It was never about anything else and it never will be." Castle is close to yelling now, but he keeps his voice down so they aren't kicked from the hospital.

Beckett and Esposito are staring at him and although they only hear one side of the conversation, they know exactly what it was about. They don't say a word as Castle sits down heavily in the vacant chair. They're quiet for a few moments and Esposito fiddles with his thumbs looking down at his lap. It takes him some time before he clears his throat and says, "Thanks, Castle."

Castle looks at Esposito in bewilderment. "For what?"

Esposito shrugs his shoulders and finally meets the writer's eyes. "I dunno. For staying, I guess?" He looks uncomfortable, but continues on. "You could have left any minute and you never did. 11 years and you're still by our sides. And, you know, thanks for being such a great friend. I know I bust your balls a lot, but you're one of the only people in my life that I can turn to no matter what. What you did just now; stick up for my partner, that means a lot to me. So, thanks," he repeats, feeling like an idiot.

Castle smiles widely for the first time today. "You're welcome, Javier."

* * *

As Ryan struggles back to consciousness, his hearing returns first.

For the first moment or two he's awake, he lays still. He hears monitors beeping around him and he's aware enough to know that means alive. Adding the sterile smell and the uncomfortable sting in his arm, Ryan guesses he's in a hospital.

Now that he knows where he is, he focuses on trying to open his eyes. It's difficult, but he's been through worse and soon he's squinting trying to block out the bright lights. He's expecting for Beckett, Castle and especially Javier to be all over him, but the room is surprisingly empty.

Until he feels the weight on his thigh and he looks down as best as he can while he's laying down to see what's on him. His lip upturns a bit when he sees his partner asleep on his thigh.

Ryan wants to know how long he's been out, but he can't find a clock. He's about to try and wake up Javier when a nurse walks into the room. She smiles brightly when she notices he's awake. "Good evening, Detective. How are you feeling?"

'Evening'. So that means it's at least nighttime, hopefully on the same day. "Wha' day 's'it?"

His nurse's smile doesn't falter when she answers, "Wednesday."

He breathes a sigh of relief, thankful that he was only out for a few hours.

His nurse finally notices Javier snoring on Ryan's leg and comments, "You're lucky to have a fiance like him. He's been here since this morning."

Ryan smiles fully now; of course Javier would stay here with him for hours. He really is a great fiance- _wait, what?_

His eyes widen and he looks down at his partner. He's 98% sure that he isn't engaged to Javier. "I don't, um," he stutters, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"I know." She pats his arm and steps back to finish checking his vitals.

But she  _doesn't_ know because she didn't wake up soon-to-be-married to her best friend. But that thought doesn't make him uncomfortable, even with Javier still sleeping soundly on his thigh. Well, maybe it's leaving his leg uncomfortable because he's starting to feel the pins and needles, but mentally he's fine.

So he lets Javier sleep.

Ryan lets him sleep until Castle and Beckett come through the door a few minutes after the nurse left his room. Castle's holding several wrapped sandwiches and bags of chips in his arms while Beckett holds the waters.

"Hey, Espo, they didn't have salami so I got a ham sandwich for you…" Castle trails off when he sees Esposito asleep on Ryan.

"Well, isn't that adorable?" Beckett chuckles and shuts the door behind them when they're both in the room.

Ryan doesn't think either of them realize he's awake yet, so he decides to have a little fun. Well, as much fun as he can have without hurting himself. "You mind moving Sleeping Beauty? I can't feel my leg anymore."

Both Castle's and Beckett's heads snap up to stare at Ryan. Castle's the first to speak, "Oh my God, Kevin." He and Beckett rush to his side. Castle tosses his load of food onto the foot of the bed, just after Beckett's water bottles fall to the floor.

Ryan smiles looking up at his friends, whom he never thought he'd see again. He wants to reach out and grab Beckett's hand or tug on Castle's arm just to make sure this isn't a dream, but he can't move his arms with all the wires.

"You scared us, buddy," Castle says with a smile, but Ryan can tell he's still upset by the near death experience.

"I'm sorry, Castle," Ryan whispers so sincerely that it just about breaks Castle's heart.

Castle leans over and tugs the younger man into a tight hug. Ryan can't do much to hug back, so he just enjoys the embrace. Castle squeezes so tight that Ryan has trouble breathing for a second, but he doesn't say anything to risk interrupting their moment.

"Don't apologize, Kevin. None of this is your fault. I'm just glad you're okay." He gives one more squeeze before allowing Beckett to hug her youngest partner. Her hug isn't as strong or lingering as Castle's was, but it's just as soothing.

All of the rustling and hugs wakes Javier from his sleep. He lifts his head from Ryan's thigh and uses the back of his hand to wipe the drool dripping off his chin. He stares at the small wet spot he left behind and winces. "Hey, when Ry asks, it was Castle that fell asleep on him…" He stops talking when he looks up to Ryan and their eyes connect.

Castle and Beckett watch in amusement as Javier practically leaps up from his chair to get closer to Ryan. He grabs Ryan's shoulders and just stares at him. "Kev," he breathes. "You're awake, I didn't know, how long, why didn't you-" he cuts himself off by pulling Ryan up into his arms for a hug.

Javier feels his partner wince in his arms and immediately sets him back down. "Sorry, I forgot," he says dumbly.

"S'okay, Javi," Ryan mumbles softly as Esposito lowers him back down. Esposito takes his seat again and grabs his partner's hand. "I'm only going to say this once: you ever pull shit like that again and I'll kill you myself."

Ryan squeezes his hand and smiles. "I'm okay, partner. I am."

"Yeah, well, it took too much frustration and work just to find that out if you ask me," Esposito huffs before letting go of Ryan's hand and leaning back heavily in his chair.

"Oh." Ryan laughs lightly to avoid upsetting his headache any more. "So  _that's_  why the nurse informed me that my  _beloved fiance_ was very worried."

Esposito blushes. "Yeah, we kinda told the doctor that I am your fiance in order to learn  _anything_ about your condition."

"You think as my fiance, you would have warned them not to mess with my hair. But what do I wake up to? A shaved head."Ryan lifted his arm sans wires and his fingers brushed over the bandage wrapped around his head.

"Calm down, princess. First of all, your head isn't shaved; only where you were shot is. Second of all, they couldn't stitch you up with your hair in the way." Esposito rolls his eyes and swats Ryan's hand away from the stitches. "Don't touch."

"Since when did you suddenly become a doctor?"

"So what, I suddenly need to be a doctor to tell you not to mess with your stitches?" Esposito asks incredulously

"Maybe," Ryan's lip upturns enough to form a small smile.

"Daddy?" A small voice comes from the doorway and the smile disappears from Ryan's face. Esposito moves over from his line of view so Ryan can see Sarah Grace and Alexis.

"C'mere, baby girl," Ryan lifts his arms to beckon his daughter over to him.

WIth tear filled eyes, she runs over to him and jumps into his arms. Once she's safely in her father's arms, she starts to cry. Ryan tries to calm her down and assure her that he's okay, but she can't hear him over her own sobs.

Alexis walks slowly to her dad, who gives her a sideways hug and kiss to her temple. "I didn't know what to tell her, so I didn't say anything. She recognized the hospital and she thought…"

Ryan hugs his daughter tightly. "I'm okay, Sarah. Look at me; I'm fine." He watches her head peek up from his shoulder. Her cheeks are streaked with tears so Ryan lifts his hand to wipe her face dry.

"This is the same place where Mommy…" she hiccups and wipes her nose with the back of her hand.

"I know, but I'm okay," Ryan repeats before placing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Promise?" Sarah asks in a small voice.

"Of course I promise."

Blue eyes meet blue eyes and only then did Sarah Grace calm down enough to lay down with her dad. She crawls underneath the blankets and wraps a little fist around his hospital gown.

"Get some sleep. We'll all still be here in the morning," Ryan whispers to his daughter and lets her use his shoulder as a pillow. She whispers her 'good night's and minutes later, she's sound asleep in her father's arms. Ryan follows soon after.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> I would like to thank all my readers and those who favorite, follow and review! It means the world; seriously reading one review makes my week.**
> 
> **Thank you to TXMedic for bet-aing my story. This would be horrendous without you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got 30k+ words written so if I keep that up hopefully I'll get back to regular updates. A _big_ thanks to TXMedic for beta-ing my work.

The next morning, Ryan wakes up to his daughter's and partner's voices. He would have appreciated another hour of sleep, but they're being too loud for him to ignore.

"Uncle Javi, can I have more syrup?"

"You're joking. Your pancakes are soaked in it."

"They need  _more_."

"Nuh uh, that stuff is sticky. It's all over my fingers from just pouring it. When I clean all this up, I don't want everything to be even stickier."

" _Please, Uncle Javi."_

"Ugh, fine."

Ryan opens his eyes slowly to see Esposito sitting in his chair with Sarah Grace in his lap. They're both leaning over a small bedside table eating from their own plates of pancakes. Esposito makes a face every time Sarah Grace lifts up a forkful and syrup slowly drips off.

Sarah is still in her nightgown from last night and Esposito's wearing the same clothes, so Ryan guesses they didn't go home last night.

"Good morning," he says groggily.

Esposito and Sarah both turn their heads around at the same time. Sarah jumps from Esposito's lap, but not before grabbing his hand to help her down. The second she lets go, Esposito groans, "I knew I'd get covered with it."

Sarah ignores him and grabs Ryan's blanket to try and pull herself up. Ryan shakes his head and holds her wrists. "Not before you wash those hands."

"I'm so glad you were spared," Esposito mutters and stands up. "C'mon, munchkin, let's wash our hands."

"Uncle Javi," Sarah whines. "I'm a big girl now, not a munchkin."

Esposito looks hurt for a moment that he can't use her nickname anymore so he says, "Fine. Come on,  _donut_."

Ryan laughs when Sarah's pout deepens. "Well, baby girl, you did say you were too big for munchkin."

She glares at her dad before going to Esposito's side and purposely grabbing his hand. When Esposito looks down at her at the feel of the stickiness, she gives him her best smile.

While they wash their hands in the small bathroom, Ryan lifts himself up into sitting position. It takes him a few attempts, but he doesn't stop trying because he doesn't want to do it in front of his partner. Ryan knows he will make a big deal of staying put.

He props himself up against his pillow and takes a sigh of relief. Just as he catches his breath, Javier and Sarah walk back into his room smelling of the hospital hand wash. Sarah runs directly back into her father's arms now that she's clean.

Esposito is behind her and lifts her up so she doesn't upset the wires in Ryan's arms. Ryan makes sures she's comfortably lying down before asking his partner, "How much longer until I'm allowed out of here?"

Esposito rolls his eyes. "The doctors have to check on you and see how you did through the night. You'll probably be home this afternoon."

Ryan sighs and relaxes against the pillow. "Thank God. I can't stand to be locked up here much longer."

"Just be careful, okay. I know you're in a rush to get out, but you were shot in the head...I want to make sure you're 100% okay before we leave," Esposito takes his seat next to Ryan's bed again.

"Stop being such a worrywart. I'm talking and walking-well, would be if they'd let me out of this bed." Ryan kicks the foot of the bed lightly with his foot...and is that the start of a pout that Esposito sees?

Esposito places his hand on Ryan's ankle and says, "I told the nurse that I'd take you for a walk around the floor to help get you back on your feet."

"My knight in shining armor." Ryan rolls his eyes, but secretly his heart swells knowing that his partner already offered to do something for him as boring as walking around a hospital.

"Just don't fall and I won't need to be," Esposito winks and lifts his hand up off Ryan's ankle.

"I'm not going to fall, Javier. I know how to walk."

"You know how to whine, too."

"You're a natural comedian," Ryan deadpans.

"Thanks, bro. Maybe one day I can teach you how-" Esposito is interrupted by a knock at the door. It's not Castle or Beckett because they would have just walked in. Espo turns around to see a man and a woman dressed in suits standing by the door.

Esposito doesn't recognize them from anyone in Ryan's family. He clears his throat and asks, "Can we help you?"

"Yes, you may." The woman walks into the room followed by the man. "I'm Agent Waters and this is Agent Victors. We're from Internal Affairs investigating the death of Ethan Mills."

Esposito growls from his seat. "Oh, you mean the child raping murderer? Who also shot a New York City Detective. You're looking to stick up from scum like that?"

Agent Victors narrows his eyes. "Sir, we are just here to see that his death is justified in the court of law. We're only doing our jobs."

Esposito scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest. "So was I."

Agent Waters raises her eyebrows. "Oh, so you're Detective Javier Esposito? Do you mind answering a few of our questions?"

Esposito glances at the door before reluctantly nodding. "Fine, but the second a doctor or nurse comes back we're done."

As Esposito stands up to follow them out of the room to a place where they can speak more privately, Agent Waters says, "We're in charge of this, Detective. We're done when we're finished."

Esposito bites back his bitter retort when he sees his partner shaking his head slightly from his spot on the bed. His partner doesn't want him to start anything and he understands why, but he refuses to sit back while they push him around.

"I'll be right back, Kev. Castle and Beckett will be here soon. They left last night, but they said they'd be back this morning," Esposito says back to Ryan one more time, waiting for Ryan to give him a short nod to tell him he'll be okay on his own.

"Stop mother henning me, Javier. Go," he waves Esposito out of the room.

Esposito doesn't want to leave his partner alone, but the sooner he answers the IA's questions, the sooner they would get out of his hair. But unfortunately, he has to deal with their accusations.

He follows the agents to the smaller waiting room between the hospital wings. They're alone as they take their seats; the two agents across from Esposito. He watches as they settle down and get their voice recorder ready.

Agent Waters clicks a button on top before she begins to speak. "Time is 0845 hours. This is Agents Regina Waters and Ronald Victors questioning Detective Javier Esposito about the shooting involving the death of Ethan Mills-"

"And my partner, Detective Kevin Ryan was shot in the head."

Agent Waters glares at him and looks pointedly down at the recorder before starting the interview. "Detective, can you please recall the events that lead to you shooting Ethan Mills three times?"

Esposito narrows his eyes. "Should I start with the fact that  _he_ shot a NYPD detective, my partner, first in the head? Or would you prefer me to start by telling you that  _poor Ethan Mills raped and killed a 6-year-old girl?_ "

To Esposito's satisfaction, the two agents' faces pale slightly hearing what Mills was guilty for in the first place, as if they didn't already know. They pull themselves together to continue their job and Agent Victors speaks. "The beginning; start there."

Esposito huffs and begins to tell his tale; he refuses to let  _anyone_ make this into his or his partner's fault. "Like I said, we were just going to bring him down to the station for questioning and a confession." Agent Victors raises his eyebrows when the detective sounds so certain that Mills would confess so easily, but Espo ignores him.

"He ran, and we chased. I had  _no_ intention of firing my piece until Mills shot Kev-Detective Ryan in the head." Esposito takes a deep breath before he's able to keep talking, "Do you have any idea what that's like? Watching your partner,  _your best friend,_ fall to the ground after a sleeze bag puts a bullet into his head. Hell, I thought he was dead; he wasn't moving, just laying there in a pool of his own blood.

"I wasn't going to let him turn the gun on one of my other partners. So, yes, I shot him. Three times in the chest. Intent to kill? No. Intent to make him suffer? Absolutely. And don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing." Esposito takes a shaky breath and looks down at his lap.

"I held Kevin in my arms as he bled out and I thought he was gone. I thought I- _we_  lost him. It was the worst feeling I will ever know, I promise you that. But I don't regret my decision; the other people Mills would have caused pain to, I stopped. How would I live with myself going to see Sarah and answer her when she asked where her daddy was? I wouldn't be able to-not without him and-" Esposito stops, remembering this is all going on tape and he's not supposed to be treating these agents like his therapists.

"That's it." He looks up to see Agents Waters and Victors wearing a pair of sympathetic frowns. Esposito casts his eyes down to his lap again, hating the pity in their eyes.

Agent Waters nods and quickly clicks the tape off. "You'll most definitely be cleared; it's just procedure."

"I didn't think I wouldn't be. I did nothing wrong."

Agent Waters purses her lips and stands from her seat and her partner follows mutely. She holds her hand out and Esposito shakes it firmly once he's on his feet again. "We'll keep in the loop with how this goes; whether you're indicted or not."

Esposito only nods and turns away from the two. If they feel guilty about accusing him of wrongdoing, he definitely wasn't going to ease it for them at all. He doesn't bother with farewells before heading back to his partner's room.

He knows he's not in the clear yet; IA still has to officially close the 'investigation'. Which means he'd be on modified assignment if Gates hadn't given the team a few emergency days until Kevin was at least out of the hospital.

But that's honestly the least of his worries. His partner is still on the top of his list.

Esposito walks back into Ryan's room to see Castle and Beckett keeping Ryan and Sarah company. Castle is braiding the toddler's hair while Beckett talks quietly with Ryan. Most likely trying to see how he's doing.

"Did the doctor come in yet?" Esposito asks as he takes a seat next to Castle and Sarah Grace.

"No." Castle shakes his head. "He was going to get Ryan's test results back."

"I'm fine." Ryan rolls his eyes, but doesn't try to move his head from his pillow. "They're little headaches I get every so often. I'd feel much better at home."

"We're not arguing about this any more, Kev," Javier says sternly. "Whatever the doctor says, goes."

"Come on, I'm not going to bre-" Kevin's complaint is cut short when his doctor walks through the door.

"Good afternoon," Doctor Clarke greets and it drives Esposito crazy because he just wants to know if everything is okay with his partner. "How is everyone today?" He asks as he shuffles through the papers clipped to his clipboard.

Esposito knows that Ryan would never mention it to the doctor, so he takes it upon himself to ask, "He's been getting headaches constantly. That's normal, right?"

Doctor Clarke glances over at Ryan, who is busy glaring at his partner. "Unfortunately, because of your concussion, you'll be getting headaches for the next couple of days. The stitches will dissolve in a week or two. Thankfully, your MRI showed no signs of bleeding or swelling." He smiles softly. "So you should be okay to leave tonight, maybe early morning."

Ryan breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Doctor."

"You're welcome, Detective. Hang in there, you're almost free," Doctor Clarke jokes as he walks closer to his bedside. "I just want to check your vitals and make sure you're only improving," he explains as he reaches for the blood pressure cuff attached to a small stand in the corner.

Esposito moves out of his way, so Doctor Clarke can wrap the cuff securely around Ryan's bicep, just above his elbow. He starts up the machine and it whirs to life, increasing the pressure on Ryan's arm. It grows uncomfortable after a few seconds and Ryan must make a face because Sarah hops from her Uncle Rick's lap and trots slowly to her dad. "You 'kay, Daddy?"

Ryan looks down at his daughter, careful not to move his arm so he doesn't have to start all over. "I'm fine, baby girl."

Sarah nods, but eyes the machine warily as it makes weird noises. The doctor's voice drags her attention away from it. "I'm only measuring his blood pressure. This is one of his vitals I need to check to make sure your dad stays healthy," Doctor Clarke looks down at Sarah with a fond smile.

She crinkles her nose and says, "It's weird."

"This machine is called a sphygmomanometer." The doctor is able to pronounce that word without one stumble, impressing the entire room.

Sarah doesn't want to know more about this weird machine, she wants it off her dad (even if it's only helping). "How long does it take?" Sarah asks as she takes one step closer to the bed.

Just as Doctor Clarke opens his mouth to answer the young girl, the sphygmomanometer beeps. "All finished," he announces as the air releases from the cuff. He unwraps it from Ryan's arm and puts it away.

Sarah watches silently as Doctor Clarke continues to check each vital until he is finished. Doctor Clarke tries to make conversation with the little girl standing by his feet, but she's too occupied with worrying about her dad.

The doctor drapes the stethoscope behind his neck and across his shoulders. "Everything looks good. I'll be sending a nurse in later to see if you're in the mood to eat. That isn't for another few hours, so I suggest catching up on sleep." He isn't only talking to Ryan; he looks each adult in the room in the eye.

Esposito rolls his eyes. "We're fine, doc. Go worry about your other patients."

Doctor Clarke walks towards the door to the hall, but before he leaves, he turns around and narrows his eyes slightly. "I'm not joking. I don't want to see  _any_ of you in here because you worked yourselves into exhaustion." He nods his farewell before leaving the room.

Beckett turns to Ryan and asks, "What do you think, Ry? A nap sound good to you?"

"Sarah Grace takes  _naps_ , I take  _short resting periods_ ," Ryan corrects Beckett childishly. "Especially after I was  _shot at_."

Beckett rolls her eyes, but she's thrilled that Ryan is okay and joking around about it. She knows, from personal experience, that it will be a while before he's completely okay again. But, he's trying and healing and that's all that matters. "Yeah, okay. Well, while you're  _resting_ , Castle and I will get our interview with IA over with."

"Good luck," Esposito grumbles and sits back down in his seat next to Ryan's bed.

"We've dealt with them enough, Espo. Some of us just know how to hold our tongues better than others." She sends Esposito a pointed glare.

"You guys do get investigated often," Castle muses.

Beckett smacks his arm. "Don't act like you're the innocent one, Castle. You're a part of our little group of trouble makers, too."

Castle smiles and places a kiss to his wife's cheek. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Beckett pats his cheek and smiles over at Ryan and Esposito. "Isn't he sweet?"

"I'm swooning," Ryan says sarcastically as he makes room for Sarah to crawl into bed next to him.

"Hilarious. Let's all gang up on the writer." Castle makes a face at each one of them before stalking out of the room.

Beckett rolls her eyes and says, "We'll be back in an hour. Behave," before she follows Castle out.

"So," Espo turns to his partner. "Are you tired? I can take Sarah to the cafeteria to help you fall asleep."

"Nah." Ryan shakes his head. "I got a good night's rest last night."

Esposito raises his eyebrows and says dubiously, "Right. And those bruises under your eyes must have been left by the Sandman."

"Javi, I'm okay, really. I'm still nervous about this whole pension situation, but it's nothing to lose sleep over." Ryan avoids eye contact with Esposito as Sarah cuddles close into his side. Her eyes shut and he hopes that she isn't paying attention to their conversation.

"I was here all night last night. I saw you turning and mumbling in your sleep. You're not  _okay_ ," Esposito says, growing irritated. "You're pretty damn far from  _okay."_

"It was just a dream. Jesus, when did you become my mother?" Ryan mumbles, but he understands where Esposito is coming from. His dream had been a nightmare; a nightmare filled with bullets, pain, and fear. But Esposito does not need to know that.

"Don't even try to give me that." Esposito shakes his head. He sits in the chair silently, trying to get his words out. He isn't used to this; Ryan and Esposito don't  _talk about their feelings._ Even when they got into their fight, it wasn't solved by sitting down and talking about what happened and why (although Ryan tried a few times). It was all resolved when Ryan took a punch for his partner. No words were required and Espo knew he couldn't stay mad at his partner for long.

He takes a deep breath and tries again. "I watched him shoot you, Kevin. And I watched you fall to the ground and not get back up." Esposito raises his head to look Ryan in the eyes. "I didn't stop him-what kind of partner lets their partner get shot? What kind of partner am  _I_?"

Ryan huffs and wants to sit up, but he doesn't want to disturb Sarah Grace-who is being very quiet or fell asleep-as she snuggles into his shoulder. "What kind of partner are you?" Ryan asks incredulously. "You're the kind of partner that I know has my back through thick and thin. You're the kind of partner that makes me smile in the least likely of times. You're the kind of partner that picks me up milk for my cereal when I call you 3 o'clock in the morning because I'm too lazy to leave my apartment. You're the kind of partner I want by my side forever."

Ryan cringes at how corny that sounds, but doesn't regret saying it. Sometimes Esposito needs the blunt truth, no matter how much he prefers to dance around it.

"Still, I shoulda done more. You were counting on me-"

"And you didn't let me down. You killed that sleezebag. If not for my sake, then for Casey's." Ryan blinks tiredly, trying to fight the force of the painkillers Doctor Clarke made him take. "When I get outta here, we'll set this whole mess with IA straight right after we go right to that bitch's orphanage and get all those poor kids out of there. I can't- _no other child will be hurt_. Not if we can help it.  _What he did_ , that can't happen to another little girl. God, just imagining a little girl, like, like,  _Sarah Grace_  in his hands-"

"Woah." Esposito places a comforting hand on Ryan's arm, when the heart monitor starts to blare louder and angrier as Ryan got himself more and more upset. "Bro, calm down. Look, stop,  _look at me_ ," Esposito says sternly and tightens his grip briefly on Ryan's arm to grab his attention. He waits for Ryan's bright blue eyes to meet his. "Ethan Mills is  _dead_  and Sarah Grace is  _safe_ in  _your arms_."

"I know, I know," Ryan mumbles, but doesn't sound like he does. "I just can't stop imagining her and him, and," Ryan's arm curls protectively around his daughter. His mouth opens and shuts a few times, but he can't manage to finish his sentence.

"Kevin, do me a favor, okay?" Esposito's voice softens. "Close your eyes and take a deep breath." Ryan does so, hesitantly and nods his head signalling Espo to continue. "Now put your hand over Sarah Grace's chest. What do you feel?"

Ryan moves his hand slowly until it rests on her rising and falling chest. He stays still and silent, not saying a word, but knowing what Esposito wants him to feel.

Esposito knows he knows, but won't mention it. "Her heartbeat. That's her heart beating beneath your fingers. She's alive and will remain that way for another 90 something years."

"She's alive," Ryan repeats in a hushed whisper. He moves his hand to her tiny fist in his much larger hand and smiles softly. "Thanks, Javi. We-Sarah Grace and I- are extremely lucky to have you," he admits. "And I don't say thanks nearly as much as I should."

"You don't need to, bro. You know we don't do all these feelings crap." Esposito brushes him off, but holds the appreciation sincere to his heart.

Ryan shrugs his shoulders and looks down in his lap. "Maybe we should."

* * *

**I would like to give my endless thanks to TXMedic37 for beta-ing my story and making it bearable. Hopefully I have another update next Friday.**

**Until next time,**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have a new chapter up next Friday. Don't worry, we're almost out of the hospital and into the domestic Ryan/Esposito. I've found writer block quickly disappears when you write otp in domestic situations. 
> 
> Until next time,


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight delay, life has been busy and hectic. But I did post just in time for Castle Monday! I have a few more chapters written ahead; halfway through 13 to be exact. And it totals to 40k words...and I still have ways to go. But Every Sign is a monster that I am loving to write every step of the way. 
> 
> Thank you again to TXMedic for beta-reading:) Please enjoy and tell me what you think in the comments below!

"Do you think Alexis would want to eat with us?" Beckett asks as she and Castle exit the small room they just finished up their interview in.

Luckily, the agents weren't as harsh as they usually treated them. Beckett thinks they're slacking off because they know that their partner is lying in a hospital with a bullet wound to his head or maybe Esposito just put them in their place during his questioning. Maybe it was a little of both.

"No, I told her to get her mind off everything and go out with some friends, but she stubbornly refused," Castle shrugs his shoulders and continues, "So I had mother take her out."

Beckett laughs and leans closer to her husband's comforting embrace. "A night out would be good for her."

Castle hums in agreement and wraps his arm around Beckett's waist. His lips find her temple and he kisses her. "I love you so much, Kate."

Beckett responds not a second later. "I love you, too, Castle."

Castle nods. "I know. I just had to say it again. What Ryan's gone through; losing his wife, this pension shit, and now this. God, I can't even imagine losing you and my life just going downhill from there."

"I'm not leaving you, Castle. I think the universe has made that clear the many times people have tried to kill me."

"There's been a few close calls, though." Castle holds back a shiver at the thought.

"Yeah well, maybe that's just my mom testing you to see if you'll stick around to the bitter end," Beckett almost whispers.

"I'm with you until the end and beyond," Castle promises her with another kiss to her skin, her cheek this time.

**xXx**

When Beckett and Castle get back to Ryan's room, Espo is talking quietly to the doctor in the corner while Ryan and Sarah sleep peacefully. There are a few nurses in the hall waiting to bring in dinner.

The two stop beside Esposito and start listening to the rest of their conversation. They don't even have to ask before Esposito is filling them in. "Ryan can go home later tonight. They want to keep an eye on him during dinner and then they'll get the release papers ready."

Doctor Clarke nods, but repeats what he already told Espo. "He will need someone to stay with him-I'm assuming that he'll stay with his fiance-and I ask that everyone keep a close eye on him. If his headaches don't go away, or his memory lapses or just general discomfort when there shouldn't be don't hesitate to call."

Castle struggles to keep a straight face when the doctor refers to Esposito as Ryan's fiance, but the amusement wears away when they're reminded that Ryan isn't fully out of the woods yet. "Of course. The moment one of us notices something wrong, we'll bring him here."

Doctor Clarke gives a somber smile. "That is all I ask." He looks around at the three people in front of him that haven't left Detective Ryan's side since he was admitted. "He's very lucky to have friends like you."

"Yeah." Esposito looks over at his partner with a fond smile. "So I've heard."

Doctor Clarke nods and says, "I know you'll all take great care of him. I'll let you have your dinner and I'll be back later with his release papers."

"Thank you, Doctor," Beckett says before he exits the room to allow the nurses to wheel the two carts with their dinner in. Beckett thanks each nurse before shutting the door so they can eat in privacy.

Esposito lifts the cover off the nearest plate and raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Didn't know they served bacon cheeseburgers at a hospital."

Castle waves his hand, coming up to his side. "Oh, they don't. I had to pull some strings."

Esposito laughs and places his hand on Ryan's shoulder to shake him slightly. "Ryan's gonna love you when he wakes up. That's his favorite."

Castle nods happily. "I know."

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Dinner's here and if you don't get up I'm eating yours." Esposito shakes Ryan, but careful not to hurt him anymore. "Man, those sleeping pills knock you right out," he says to his unconscious partner.

"How long has he been out?" Beckett asks as she sets up the small table for them to eat on.

"An hour? Not even," Esposito says. "But he's been having trouble sleeping. But, he also hasn't eaten so I'm gonna wake him up and he can go back to sleep when he's home." He shakes Ryan again, but his partner only moans.

Esposito hears a small yawn below him and looks down to see Sarah Grace, drowsily blinking her eyes open. She'd been so quiet that he'd forgotten she was taking a nap with her dad. She sniffs the air twice before she sits up. Her now wide blue eyes are searching the room intently. "I smell a chee'burger."

Esposito laughs and pulls her up from Ryan's arms. "You are your father's daughter." He runs a hand through her hair after he drops her to the foot of the bed, close to the table of burgers.

Once she's settled, Espo turns back to waking up Ryan. "C'mon, bro, dinnertime." He groans when Ryan mumbles what sounds like 'shut up, Javi,'.

"If you don't get up, Kevin, Espo's going to eat your burger  _and_ I will never make a spin-off Roach book called  _Off the Rales_ like you asked," Castle taunts Ryan with a small smirk.

Ryan peeks one eye open and finds Castle standing next to his partner. "Not cool, bro."

Castle laughs and slaps his hand lightly on Ryan's thigh. "I did not bust my butt for you to eat a cold burger."

"Okay, okay," Ryan mumbles and picks his head off his pillow and jiggles his leg softly that Sarah is sitting on, munching her burger happily. "But, this lump is going to have to move first." Sarah doesn't stop eating to acknowledge her dad.

Castle smiles brightly at the toddler and takes the seat in front on the hospital bed. He pulls Sarah off of Ryan's leg before she takes another bite. "C'mere, kiddo." Castle lets her sit on his lap to give Ryan the chance to sit up.

Esposito extends his hands to help Ryan sit up, but Ryan pushes his hands away. "'M fine, Javi," he says stubbornly, pushing himself into a sitting position. It takes him three tries before he's up and scooting closer to the burgers. He pushes himself an inch, fighting the leftover drowsiness of the painkillers, before he accepts help from Javier to help him out of the bed and sit in a chair only a few inches away.

"Careful," Esposito says as he slowly lowers Ryan into the chair.

Ryan fixes himself once Esposito lets go so he's comfortable in the chair. "You're the one dropping me in this." He gestures to the chair beneath him. "Just give me a second. I can do it myself." He eyes his partner when Esposito goes to bring the plate closer.

Esposito stops his hand before he can grab the plate. "You're still working off the painkillers and you've been laying in bed for the past two days. Just let me help." He continues to pick up the burger and move it the few inches until it's in front of Ryan. "There, bon appetit."

Ryan hesitants, but sighs softly and says, "Thanks, Javi."

As Ryan takes his first bite from the burger, eliciting a small moan, Esposito pats his back with a small smile. "No problem, bro." He looks to his family sitting around them. "We're all here for you."

* * *

"This is stupid," Ryan grumbles as he and Esposito take their first step. Ryan can feel his legs wobbling and his muscles are aching to go back to resting, but he knows if he doesn't do this, he'll be cooped up in this room for who knows how long.

"It's not stupid, Kevin. You haven't used your leg muscles in a few days; it'll take some time to get your strength back," Esposito says as he secures one arm firmly around his partner's waist, so in case Ryan falls, he will catch him before he hits the ground.

"And the doctor said that if you don't take a walk, then they can't release you," Castle says, trying to help.

"I know, I know," Ryan mumbles as he casts an uneasy glance towards the doorway that leads out to the long, seemingly never ending hallway.

Ryan hates that he has to go walking around the hospital floor, clinging to his partner like an invalid. He has to wear the stupid hospital issued socks that have grips on the bottoms, preventing him from losing his footing. And he  _knows_ people are going to laugh at him in the dumb gown that doesn't shut all the way in the back. Ryan's just glad that he could wear his boxers underneath so at least his ass isn't showing.

"Let's go," Esposito says as they finally reach the door frame. The Latino turns around to look at Beckett and Castle and gives a tight smile as he inwardly sighs. "Wish me luck." Castle smiles and gives him a thumb up, but Beckett merely rolls her eyes.

As they start their slow, but steady journey, Esposito takes a moment to fix his grip on Ryan's waist. "Tell me if I'm going too fast."

Ryan huffs impatiently in his hold. "We're not even moving, yet, Javi. And besides, I was shot in the head, not my leg. I can walk."

Esposito silences when Ryan brings up the accident. Just like he's done each time someone mentions it. Ryan doesn't understand why his partner keeps avoiding the obvious. Ryan was the one shot and he thinks he's handling it better than Esposito ( for nightmares that shall not be mentioned to his partners).

"Just tell me if you need a break," Esposito says after they take a few steps. His eyes are no longer focused on Ryan like usual, checking to see if he was  _really okay_ , but rather his eyes were downcast.

They walk in silence until they reach the nurses station not far from Ryan's room. One of his nurses greets them with a smile. "Finally getting out of that stuffy room, huh? This'll do the both of you some good."

Esposito nods, but cuts straight to the point asking, "Are his discharge papers ready?"

If the nurse is offended by Esposito's bluntness and obvious lack of interest in small talk, she doesn't show it. "We're just finishing up the last of it," she promises with a smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, as it's the typical smile a doctor or nurse wears to keep their patients calm. "Doctor Clarke was going to drop them off to you in a few moments, but I'll tell him to wait there until you've finished your laps."

Ryan doesn't ask why she's pluralizing 'lap' because he's not doing more than one. He'll pinch Esposito if he even thinks about it. Ryan wants to get this over with so he tugs on Esposito's sleeve. "C'mon, I think it's time for a U-turn," Ryan nods his head to where they just came from. It's not that far, Esposito could get there in no more than 20 seconds when he didn't have an injured Irishmen plastered to his side.

Ryan expects Esposito to be all for taking the easy (cheating?) way out if that means they get to go home sooner. But it's not the nurse that quickly shoots down his idea. "We're finishing our walk around the hallway, Kevin. So suck it up and let's go."

The nurse's smile is a little more sincere as she bids them goodbye and good luck. Ryan returns the farewell as they start walking again. The interruption in their walk seems to bring back mother-hen-Javier as he watches Ryan every step he takes. Ryan figures he can easily bring up the accident again and Esposito will keep his distance, but Ryan doesn't want him to feel guilty because for some reason Esposito blames himself for this mess Ryan's in. And he also likes the comfort of having his partner close to his side.

"Do you feel a headache coming on? Am I holding you too tight? We can go slower if you'd like."

Ryan didn't have a headache, but he feels one coming on just trying to wrap his head around all the questions his partner is directing to him right now. Instead of answering each specific question, Ryan tries to assure him by saying for the dozenth time, "I'm fine, Javi."

"You're fine," Esposito repeats and Ryan gives him a weird look. "Of course, you're fine. Please, don't let my worrying bother you."

Ryan can feel Espo trying to continue their walk, but Ryan plants his feet on the ground. Esposito's been acting weird and Ryan wants to know why. "Stop. What's wrong?"

Esposito hesitates and Ryan thinks that he'll open up about what's bugging him, but he shakes his head and says, "Nothing, Ryan. Let's just keep walking. I don't want to overwork you."

Ryan flexes his jaw and holds himself back from sighing irritably. How long will it be until his partner remembers he's not going to break any second. "Javi, please,  _just tell me._ "

Esposito doesn't tell Ryan what's on his mind, not that Ryan expected him to start gushing about his feelings, but Ryan is glad to hear his voice is softer when he says, "I'm sorry, Kevin. It's nothing." Ryan doesn't believe him, but he doesn't bring it up again for the rest of their walk.

Esposito continues to stop every two minutes to check to see how Ryan is faring during the walk, his previous foul mood forgotten. He's taking their pace slow and careful. The part of Ryan acknowledging that this is his first time out of bed in two days thanks his partner for his consideration endlessly. But unfortunately the part of Ryan that favors his ego over his health is the one groaning and moaning.

"Javi," Ryan says 35 minutes in when they stop again, only a few feet from his room. "I can walk this last stretch through. No breaks," he says slowly, hoping Esposito would understand that Ryan worked hard. And really, it's only a few feet.

"What? This is only our first lap, bro," Esposito says matter of fact, like he he expects Ryan to not argue his decision.

"I'm not walking around this place again, Javier." Ryan tries to keep his voice steady and firm.

"Just once more and then we're done." Esposito meets his eyes, and Ryan can see the concern swirling through them. "Just one more."

"No, it took me an hour to not even complete one." Ryan doesn't make a move to start walking again. He refuses to continue until they both agree that Ryan will be finished once he reaches his door.

Esposito rolls his eyes. "It's not even been more than 40 minutes, drama queen."

"Close enough."

Esposito sighs and asks, "What's wrong with squeezing in an extra exercise session? You're usually crazy about walking places within two miles and taking the stairs." Esposito is right, Ryan would love to go on a walk around the city right now. But he's in a hospital with horrible hair, wearing this dumb dress. Not to mention, Castle and Beckett waiting in his room until he finishes this damn walk.

"At  _home_ , not here." Ryan shifts anxiously on his feet, remembering Castle and Beckett watching Sarah. "Can we hurry-"

Esposito cuts him off impatiently, "What's the hurry? You got a hot date?"

Ryan gives his partner his designated shut-the-hell-up-face. "It's nothing-"

"But it's something." Damn Esposito with his stupid interrupting and his ability to know everything about his partner, including when he's bothered.

"No, but...I just don't want to hear about how a grown ass detective can't walk a quarter of a mile, not even, under an hour," Ryan admits sourly and doesn't meet his partner's eyes.

Ryan feels Esposito place his hand on the small of his back and Ryan doesn't know what to make of the sudden, comforting warmth that slowly diffuses throughout his body. Ryan instinctively moves closer into Esposito, dispersing some weight for his tired legs, but his head remains downcast.

Esposito is silent for a moment and all Ryan can hear is the soothing sound of his best friend's steady breathing. When he speaks again, his voice is soft and just above a whisper, "Castle isn't going to make fun of you. Sure, Castle is unbearable sometimes, but he's not a dick. You," Espo takes a deep breath before continuing. "You were  _shot_ , Kevin." Ryan can see he had difficulty say the 's-word', but at least he's not straight up ignoring what happened. "They don't think that you're going to just jump on your feet and run a 5k."

Ryan finally looks back up at Esposito. "But, maybe,  _I do_."

Esposito smiles and wraps his arm around Ryan's waist and prepares to start walking again. "Well, the only way you're getting that done is practice. Just once more and then we're finished," Esposito reasons. "I'll be right by your side the whole time if you need something to lean on. And if you really need it, I'll call over a nurse and we'll wheel you back the rest of the way in a wheelchair."

Ryan narrows his eyes, knowing full well that Esposito is just trying to get a rise out of him. There is no way Ryan will be pushed around this place by his partner. But if he goes on this lap, Espo would think Ryan didn't think he was strong enough to complete the walk around the wing. On the other hand, if he continues on, he'll finish in another hour and sure, Castle and Beckett won't outright say anything, but Ryan will be able to see the pity. It's a catch 22 straight out of the damn dictionary.

"Fine," Ryan grumbles, finally relenting. "I'll take another stupid lap." And it wasn't because Esposito told him to.  _Or_ because of whatever that small part of him that enjoyed being held close to his best friend's side wanted. He just wants to walk because he enjoys walking and some sleeze bag pedophile isn't going to ruin that for him.

"Good," Esposito says warmly as they officially pass Ryan's room.

Ryan glances into the room quickly and sees Sarah sitting on Castle's lap as he reads to her from a storybook he must have brought over. Beckett is curled against his side, her head tucked securely on her husband's shoulder and her arms are wrapped around his. She seems content to look up at the author and stare at him, rather than paying attention to the story.

Ryan feels his heart warm at the sight, glad that two of his best friends found happiness in each other. Suddenly his heart pangs and the image of his beautiful Jenny is dancing around his mind. But before his heart can start yearning unreasonably for his late wife, it's silenced by his partner's voice.

He looks at Esposito and sees his lips moving, but doesn't hear the words he's making. He realizes that Esposito is holding him close, closer than needed and yet Ryan still wants to nuzzle himself deeper in his best friend's arms. For the first time since Jenny, Ryan feels happy enough that he doesn't wish anything was different. Right now, Ryan wants it all to stay the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's that time of year again, guys! The Rysposito Secret Santa Fic Exchange sign ups are open from now until October 25. And this year, it's not only writers who can participate. If you ship Rysposito and want your own fic to read based off a prompt of your choosing then you should join. You also do not need a tumblr account to join. And I'm guessing since you're reading this you ship RYsposito so all of you could sign up and get your own fic without needing to write one, unless you want to. Here is the post where you can read the rules and learn how to sign. I hope some of you join!
> 
>  
> 
> [The Secret Santa Fic Exchange post](http://detective-rysposito.tumblr.com/post/128802780617/welcome-to-the-2nd-annual-rysposito-secret-santa)
> 
> _Until next time,_


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure you don't want us to keep Sarah for the night?" Beckett asks again as Castle and Esposito help move Ryan from his bed to the wheelchair that the hospital policy makes him use.

He thought he'd gotten out of needing one when he successfully completed his second lap. It took longer than the first, but not because they kept stopping for breaks. In fact, they only stopped six times with a minute or so's rest each. The second go around wasn't surrounded by tension and Ryan wasn't begging them to stop every step of the way. He was too busy laughing at all of Esposito's attempts to keep Ryan's mind off of everything.

"No, you've spent enough time worrying about me for the past two days." Ryan shifts in the chair, glad that he only has to use it to get him to the car. "Javi'll stay with me until I'm back 100% and if we need  _any_ help, you two will be the first people we call."

"Don't think that means we won't be checking up on you." Beckett grins and runs a hand through Ryan's hair. She's too quick for Ryan's shoo-ing hand, so he sends her a half hearted glare that she isn't intimidated by at all.

"Don't touch my hair, Beckett. I'm trying to grow it back."

Beckett rolls her eyes. "Oh, and me touching it slowed down the process?"

" _Yes._ "

Beckett raises her eyebrows and shares a look with Castle. Beckett's face seems to ask her husband if Ryan's being serious, while he just looks amused. "You're such a girl," she chaffs him.

"Oh, so I'm a girl because I care about my appearance?" Ryan twists in his chair slightly to address Beckett. Esposito tries to hide his grin as he starts to push Ryan out the door and down the hall.

"I think it's more than that, bro," Esposito chimes in above Ryan's head.

"Yeah, yeah. I bet you all feel mighty proud of yourselves, picking on the  _handicapped_." Ryan crosses his arms over his chest. He sees his partner cringe just the slightest, so he drops it. It slipped out, Ryan didn't mean to make Espo uncomfortable. Ryan's injury was life threatening, but he's not going to get over it by tip-toeing around what happened. He wants them to know he's a big and strong detective that won't be slowed down by a bullet and a brief meet up with some concrete.

But Esposito thinks it's still too soon to even come close to joking about what happened to his partner, so Ryan promises himself he won't joke around about it in front of his best friend. Ryan would expect the same respect if their roles were reversed. God forbid.

"Really though," Castle clears his throat, thankfully changing the subject. "Watching Sarah is no problem." He gestures to the sleeping toddler in Ryan's lap.

"I'll keep that in mind," Ryan smiles. "But it's already almost one. We're probably just going to get to my place and crash."

Castle laughs and nods. "Okay, but don't hesitate to call. Even if you just want to hear my voice." He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and Ryan rolls his eyes.

Beckett raises her eyebrows next to the author and says, "So, you're leaving me for Ryan?"

Castle sighs dramatically with a frown and pulls Beckett to his side. He shakes his head and says, "I have needs. Blue-eyed leprechaun needs that you just can't give me." Castle keeps a straight face for an impressively long time.

"You're gonna have to choose, babe. A great ass with an even better personality or a man living at the end of a rainbow. Besides, I hear he's grumpy in the morning- not pretty," Beckett teases back, but ruffles Ryan's hair to show she's just kidding around with him. Ryan grumbles and swats above his head. Really, what doesn't she understand about, 'Don't touch the hair'?

Esposito is the one to break up the friendly ribbing when the taxi that Castle had called earlier pulled up. "Listen as much as I'm enjoying this impromptu, kinda creepy conversation that sounds a lot like the beginning to a horrible threesome porno...I really don't want to scar our poor cabbie."

"You would know, huh, Esposito?" Castle smirks with a gentle jab to his arm with his elbow. Esposito glares at him with a look that clearly suggests the writer shut his mouth before he was eating Esposito's fist.

"Let's put 'em away boys and get in the cab." Beckett walks past them where there was a yellow taxi idling at the curb. "It's already almost one in the morning and some of us didn't have the luxury of sleeping the day away."

Ryan sticks his tongue out childishly at Beckett. She deserves it. And she really deserves it only two minutes later when she voices the humor she finds in watching Ryan stubbornly try to lift himself from the chair and into the back seat by himself. It would be much easier if the doctors hadn't made him take more painkillers after his walk. They make him feel tired and he loses all of the control he  _should_ have over his body.

Without any help from his team, as far as he knows, Ryan makes it into the cab and the other three all squish in beside him. The drive is quiet and almost relaxing, with Sarah Grace still snoring softly in his arms, Ryan feels his own exhaustion creeping up on him. He's barely awake when they stop at Castle's loft, but he's coherent enough to say his goodbyes. By the time they reach Ryan's apartment, he's close to falling asleep until Esposito wakes him up.

"C'mon, you lazy ass," Esposito says as he shakes Ryan's arm softly. Ryan does his best to ignore his partner and go back to sleep, but suddenly the comforting warmth is gone from his lap and he's wide awake.

"What-?" He's looking blearily around the car until he sees his daughter safely in her uncle's arms. "Oh." He releases a soft breath and his heart rate calms down.

"I'm not carrying Little Leprechaun and Big Leprechaun so start walking, bro," Esposito says as he hands the cabbie their fare.

Ryan wants to tell his partner that he doesn't want to be called a leprechaun, but his tongue doesn't want to cooperate so he settles on a glare that is hopefully intimidating. Judging by the look of amusement on Espo's face, he knows it isn't, as always. So he stumbles from the taxi and follows Esposito up to the door, watching as Esposito pulls his own copied key from his pocket to unlock the door.

Once inside, Esposito immediately starts down the hall to Sarah's room. "I'm going to put her in bed. You should get in bed, too." Esposito doesn't wait for Ryan's opinion on the matter of  _his_ bedtime before disappearing.

Ryan huffs and turns to his bedroom, wishing he could fight Esposito every step of the way of him going to bed early. (Technically one in the morning was early. Not for sleeping, but it could be.) Unfortunately, he's too tired to do much more than pull his pants off. He falls to his bed in a heap and doesn't even bother to climb under the blankets.

His eyes slide shut and he reaches out slowly to pull his daughter closer when he remembers that Esposito put her to sleep in her own room. Ryan doesn't usually let his daughter sleep in his bed, unless of course for special circumstances, but tonight he really wishes he could have her presence beside him to lull him to sleep.

He should wait for his partner to come back so Ryan could insist that he bring back Sarah, but minutes after his head touches the pillow, the painkillers take him to sleep.

* * *

Esposito flips past the dozenth infomercial with a sigh. His eyes are burning and he wants to do nothing else but go to sleep. Unfortunately, he probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep if he tried because he's too worried that something will happen to Ryan when he's sleeping. Concussions are dangerous and nerve wracking injuries while asleep.

He checked on his partner after he put Sarah in her bed; he was already asleep. He managed to strip down to his boxers and t-shirt, but not get under the blankets. Esposito rolled his eyes and pulled the comforter out from under him and covered Ryan.

That was three hours ago before Esposito grabbed the box of donuts that he knows Ryan keeps above the fridge with a tall glass of milk. He only meant to have one or two, but as he goes to grab another, the box is empty. He frowns as he tries to remember if the box was full when he started.

Just as he gets up to throw away the box and hide the evidence from Ryan before he can buy a new box, he hears muttering leaking through Ryan's open doorway. Thinking he woke Ryan up with the annoyingly loud television, Esposito turns it off and goes to apologize.

Reaching the doorway, Esposito notices that Ryan isn't sitting up and grumbling, like he expected. He's lying down, kicking his feet feverishly under the blankets. Now that he's watching Ryan thrash, Esposito can tell that he isn't awake, he's having a nightmare.

"Shit," Esposito curses under his breath before hurrying to Ryan's side. Esposito debates whether or not he should wake up Ryan. Was it people with nightmares or sleepwalkers that were not to be woken?

Ryan's sudden shout of, " _Don't hurt her!_ " decides for him. Esposito pulls the blanket off his partner's head and gets on the bed next to Ryan. He grabs Ryan's shoulder and tries to shake him awake.

"Ryan, c'mon. Wake up!" Esposito bites his lip worriedly when Ryan doesn't acknowledge Esposito's attempt at comfort other than flinching. Esposito takes in Ryan's sweating face that displays discomfort. He wants to do nothing more than to be able to scare off whatever was frightening Ryan like this. He's so used to being able to protect Ryan from anyone he sees that could hurt his partner, but when he's having a nightmare, Esposito is useless.

" _Kill you-away from them-no!_ " Ryan's breathing is labored and his chest is rising and lowering faster than it should be.

"Kevin," Esposito says softer this time. "You're okay. We're all okay." Esposito shakes Ryan's shoulder.

Instead of Ryan waking up, or even a flinch, Ryan's balled up fist sails through the air and collides painfully with his nose. Esposito gasps as pain erupts to his face and he falls off the side of the bed. "Ugh," Esposito groans and lifts a hand to his face. He feels warm, sticky blood slowly leaking from his nose.

The crash Esposito made when he fell must have woken up Ryan because suddenly he's at the edge of the bed wide-eyed and panicking. "What...Javi, you're bleeding!" Ryan gasps and scrambles forward and off the bed.

Esposito rolls his eyes. Of course Ryan would be more worried for his partner, even though Ryan is the one still breathing heavy and fighting off the last of the terrors from his nightmare. Esposito wipes his nose with the back his hand, trying to hide the wince so Ryan doesn't feel too bad for clocking him.

Esposito shakes his head and assures his trembling partner, "I"m fine. You were having a nightmare."

Ryan nods his head slowly. "I"m sorry. I didn't mean to punch you...I didn't know." Ryan's eyes are trained on his nose and Esposito wills it to stop bleeding.

Esposito stands up and offers Ryan a hand, which his partner takes to help him stand. Ryan looks around nervously, honing in on the bed where the blankets are all rumpled and thrown about the bed. He looks down at his feet like he's ashamed of having a nightmare.

Esposito turns around to face Ryan's dresser and pulls open the top drawer consisting of his underwear and undershirts. He pulls out a shirt and tosses it to his partner as he turns back around. "Get changed. You sweated right through the other."

Ryan nods numbly and pulls off his damp shirt, to replace it. The new shirt smells like Ryan's not-too-masculine-but-not-quite-girly detergent, the familiarity enough to calm Esposito. Right after he's changed into the shirt, Ryan's worries are back to Esposito. "Is your nose still bleeding?"

Whether it is or not, Esposito shakes his head. "Go lay back down, I'll wash my face and be right back." Esposito hurries to the en suite bathroom so he can wash his face before Ryan starts to grow unsettled again.

He looks in the mirror and winces. It was a good punch and Esposito hopes he won't have a black eye in the morning. He wets a rag and gingerly dabs underneath his nose and hisses at the sharp pain.

A sudden voice surprises him and he jumps slightly. "I usually don't have them that badly...I should have warned you. Sarah usually snuggles with me when I'm having a bad night. She calms me down after Jenny..." Ryan admits and Esposito immediately knows this is a serious moment when Ryan says he likes to 'snuggle', even with just his daughter.

"I'm sorry, man, I should have put her to bed with you." Esposito feels guilty.

Ryan starts shaking his head feverishly. "I want her sleeping in her own bed. Now especially that I hurt you. I'll just deal with 'em as they come. Please don't worry about me." Ryan is looking down as he plays with the hem of his shirt.

Esposito puts the bloody rag down and walks slowly to his partner. "I'm going to worry about you, Kevin. Whether you like it or not." He tries to catch Ryan's eyes but they're still downcast. "I remember you saying once that we're partners and that means we're together until wheels fall off. So I'm going to be here for you. Whether all you need is me to stay over until you're concussion is gone or you need a punching bag or someone to eat all your donuts or hell, even someone to snuggle when you need the comfort." Esposito doesn't doubt he'll regret saying that last one in the morning.

Ryan is looking down, but Esposito can still see his lips curl into a soft smile. Ryan whips his head up and narrows his eyes. "You better not have finished off my donuts."

Esposito rolls his eyes, but fondly. "Seriously. That's what you pick up from everything I just said?"

Ryan's smile comes back as he shakes his head. "No, I understand and I want to thank you. For sticking by my side and everything."

Esposito rubs Ryan's arm. "No problem, bro. I'm here for you. You know that." He watches Ryan nod and asks, "Do you want to try and get back to sleep? I can, uh, stay with you, you know. So you don't get upset again." It's now Esposito's turn to turn his head down when he feels his cheeks burn up.

"Nah, I'm not falling asleep again tonight, I don't think." Ryan chuckles humorlessly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Esposito checks his watch and says, "Bro, it's only four. At least get a few more hours of sleep."

Ryan shakes his head and not for the first time since he's known his partner, Esposito wishes he isn't so stubborn. "I've got a headache. I'll just join you on the couch if you don't mind."

"S'your couch, dude," Esposito says once he gives up trying to coax Ryan to bed. He isn't a stranger to nightmares and understands Ryan's aversion to sleep. Esposito checks his nose one last time in the mirror, making sure the bleeding has stopped, before exiting the small bathroom with Ryan by his side.

They both sit on the couch, Ryan curling up to one side and Esposito lounging on the other. Esposito yawns, still having yet to sleep, and stretches his legs as far as they reach to the floor and his arms way over his head. He looks over to where his partner is leaning on the arm rest on his side with his knees tucked to his chest and his feet hiding underneath him.

Esposito frowns and looks to the vacant space between them, then back to his partner. "Kevin, get comfortable. There's plenty of room."

Ryan moves his head slowly to look at Esposito. Him lying on the couch vertical gives the chance for Ryan to lay horizontally. Ryan pauses for a moment before stretching his legs out until the souls of his feet lay flat against Esposito's thigh. "This okay?"

Esposito looks down to where Ryan's socked feet are wiggling self consciously. Esposito looks up and quickly answers his partner before Ryan moves them away. "You're fine, Ryan. Just try to get some sleep."

Ryan ignores him and says, "I've got  _Smokey and the Bandit_ in the DVD player. The remote's in the drawer beside you."

Esposito rolls his eyes at Ryan's obvious avoidance to sleep and grabs the remote from its spot in the drawer. "You finally put it where you can find it, huh?" Esposito comments because Ryan  _never_ has anything organized. His so-called 'system' doesn't work for anyone, except him.

"Nah, it was under the couch, but Alexis cleaned up when I was in the hospital," Ryan admits with a shrug of the shoulder he's not lying on.

"Ah, I shoulda known." Esposito smirks as he switches the TV from 'cable' to 'DVD'. The title menu immediately brightens the screen.

"Shut up and press play," Ryan says as he digs his toes in Esposito's thigh. Esposito starts, but then looks over to see his partner smiling smugly at him.

"Bossy, bossy," Esposito mutters as he starts the movie. Once the opening song starts to play Esposito feels Ryan's feet relax against him and he starts to sing along, with as much enthusiasm as a concussed, exhausted man could.

Esposito has seen this movie many times, and Ryan's seen it a million times more. It's one of his partner's favorites ( _The Sound of Music_ is also included in that list). But when he can perform the lines along with the characters  _perfectly_ , Esposito knows he's watched it too many times. A few times, he cuts himself off with a yawn, but he doesn't let his drowsiness stop him.

Esposito wants his partner to get rest. Not only are the nightmares keeping him up, but the doctor also told them that the concussion would cause exhaustion and fatigue, as well. But he knows there's too much on his mind and he won't willingly fall to sleep. Not only is the other day's... _accident_ , most likely stuck on replay every time Ryan closes his eyes, but he's stressing himself out over his pension problem.

Esposito has an  _idea_  how to fix it all, but he'd rather not share it and save the awkwardness. It's simply a last resort, a last resort after the  _first_ last resort fails.

Esposito emerges from his thoughts when he feels Ryan shaking next to to him. Thinking that something's wrong, Esposito places a steadying hand on Ryan's back and leans over to see if he's okay. Esposito lets out a breath of relieved air when he realizes that Ryan is only laughing. Laughing so hard that he can't get a sound out. "Jesus, Ryan."

Esposito looks over to the television and watches as a police car crashes into another police car and they both go splashing into the lake. Sure, this scene was hilarious the first few times he watched it and every other time Ryan forced him to watch it, he let out a chuckle, but recovering from an almost-heart-attack because his best friend is a fucking idiot, Esposito doesn't find it too funny now. "How many times have you seen this? It's not  _that_ funny."

Ryan nods his head, still recovering from his breathless laughter. "Yeah, it is."

"Whatever you say, Ryan," Esposito says, slouching heavily into the cushions. He can feel his own eyes drooping and can't imagine Ryan not being tired. Esposito watches as Ryan's eyes blink slowly and each time it takes longer for Ryan to open them back up.

It doesn't take long before Ryan closes his eyes and they don't reopen. Esposito waits for his breathing to steady to know he's fully asleep before he closes his own eyes giving into his exhaustion. Now that his partner is asleep and not running from nightmares, Esposito can sleep soundly.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reviewing and favoriting and following this story! Your reviews definitely make me that much more to excited to post and write. This is where we start getting to the pining from both sides and maybe they'll pull their heads out of their asses to do something. lol if only
> 
> Until next time,


	11. Chapter 11

"Mmm," Castle inhales the delicious aroma surrounding the bag in his hands. "These smell so good."

Beckett looks briefly to Castle with a nod before turning to the front door. "Well, we just picked them up at the bakery. I hope they smell good."

Castle lifts his hand towards the bag and says, "I doubt they'd notice _one_ missing…"

Beckett swats his hand away before he can steal one of the baked goods. "Stop it, Castle. Can't you wait until you walk through the door that is _two inches_ in front of you?"

Castle considers this, then shakes his head. "Not a chance." He peeks into the bag and reasons, "I'll leave Ryan's croissant. However, no promises on Espo's Boston cream."

Beckett ignores him and knocks on the door. She waits a moment before knocking again and sighs with another knock. "I told Espo we were coming by in the morning." She glances down at her father's watch fastened around her wrist.

Castle shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe they forgot," Castle says over the donut he's chewing. He smiles innocently when Beckett turns around to give him an are-you-serious look.

Beckett lifts her hand to knock again when the door opens slowly. Beckett smiles, expecting to see Esposito on the other side, but sees no one. "What the-"

" _Beckett_ ," Castle whispers before Beckett can let the curse out. When his wife turns to look at him, he nods his head to the floor where a sleepy, blue-eyed toddler is leaning heavily on the door. He quickly hands Beckett their breakfast and leans down to pick Sarah Grace in his arms.

"Hey, Uncle Rick. Aunt Katie," she mumbles as she relaxes in his arms, resting her head against his shoulder. Castle smiles as he rocks her gently and walks through the door.

"Sarah, where's your Daddy and Uncle Javi?" When he enters the living room, he gets his answer. He laughs when he sees Esposito laying on one side with his head thrown back, snoring loudly. One of his arms is curled around Ryan's foot that is thrown over his lap. The other foot is pressed against his thigh. _Smokey and the Bandit_ is playing on the start screen, so Castle assumes they fell asleep last night watching it.

Castle still gets a kick out of it, how much Ryan loves the movie. Castle finds it kind of ironic because The Bandit makes a fool out of _the police_ chasing him and that's Ryan's favorite part. Castle still has the pictures of the year that Ryan decided to dress as Bandit for Halloween complete with the cowboy hat and moustache.

"How cute." Beckett grins before heading into the kitchen to set up breakfast. "Wake 'em up before all this gets stale!" She calls from the kitchen.

Castle huffs and says quietly to Sarah, "She's so bossy."

" _I heard that_!"

Castle chuckles nervously before blaming the sleeping man in front of him. "Ryan said it!"

Esposito groans and opens one eye to only a sliver. "What did Ryan do?" He mumbles and pulls Ryan's foot subconsciously closer before closing his eyes again.

"He ate your Boston cream donut," Castle lies easily and wipes his hand over his mouth to make sure there is no evidence left on his face.

"No," Esposito mumbles. "Ryan likes croissants."

"Shit," Castle curses under his breath, momentarily forgetting that he's holding a 5-year-old. "Well when you do wake up, I _didn't_ eat it. Just fyi."

"Just let me go back to sleep. Ryan had me up all night watching Smokey," Esposito turns his head away from Castle.

Castle knows he'll regret playing this card when Esposito is awake and no longer has a foot on top of him, but it's the only way to get him up. Well, not the _only_ way, but Castle really wanted to see Espo's reaction. "By the way, what time did Alexis pick up Sarah Grace? We couldn't find her when we came in."

That does it, and in a flash Esposito is wide awake freaking out because he thinks he lost Ryan's kid. "She didn't! _Fuck_ , Ryan is going to kill me." Esposito looks around the room wildly, but he makes a conscious effort to keep Ryan asleep.

Castle holds back a chuckle as he whispers, "Shh," in the toddler's ear. She's just waking up, but she doesn't entirely understand so Castle doesn't have to worry about her giggles giving them away.

Esposito runs a hand through his hair and curses, "What the fuck am I-?"

" _Fuck_."

Okay, so Castle _tried_ to keep her quiet, but Esposito said that word too loudly in front of a kid. Castle looks at her in surprise as she chews her thumb and says, "'uck."

Castle grins. "'Sito, just wait until Ryan hears the new word you taught his daughter. He'll _love_ it."

Esposito turns to give him a murderous glare. "Dead, Castle. You're dead and I promise no one will hear you scream. I thought she got out or something." He places a hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Because I gave you the beginning stages of a heart attack or because it's my fault you taught the word 'fuck' to a toddler? _Ryan's_ -"

"Fuck."

Castle's eyes widen as he turns to his niece, who is smiling. He can tell now she's doing it on purpose. "Say that in front of your father and I'll take back that Barbie car I bought you." Sarah's eyes quickly widen and she decides that she'd rather keep the car than say foul words.

"Dude, you're supposed to tell her if she says it again at all, she'll get soap in her mouth," Esposito says looking pointedly at the little girl.

"But you said it," she pouts and looks down at Castle's feet.

"That's because men are idiots, Sarah," Beckett says, joining them all in the living room. She leans over the couch and shakes Ryan's shoulder gently. "Breakfast time, Kev."

"Watch out," Esposito grumbles as he lowers Ryan's foot from his lap to the couch. "He's cranky in the morning."

Beckett smiles and promises, "Nothing a little coffee and fresh pastries can't fix."

Esposito tugs Ryan's leg as he stands up. "Ryan, get your as- _butt_ up before I eat your food." He takes Sarah Grace swiftly from Castle's arms and drops her on Ryan's shins. "Get your father up."

She grins in a way that makes Castle _never_ want to be woken by the toddler. She crawls up him and stops on his chest. She opens her mouth to scream when Esposito, without even turning around, says, "No shouting. He's got a headache."

Castle watches as Sarah deflates, but wakes Ryan up, the _boring_ way. He blinks his eyes slowly open and flinches at the living room lights. "'M up."

Castle pats his leg with a satisfied, "Good," before turning around to go into the kitchen. He hears the couch moan behind him and knows that Kevin is following with Sarah by his side.

Once in the kitchen, they all sit around the table with the plate of goodies in the center. Esposito makes sure Ryan takes his medication with a glass of orange juice before he's allowed to start eating. No one seems to notice the missing Boston cream, albeit he already told Espo he ate it.

They're eating in a comforting silence and Sarah lifts her strawberry frosted donut to her mouth to take a large bite. Unfortunately, it falls to the floor before it reaches her mouth. She looks down to the ground in shock. "Fuck!"

Castle can tell by the look on her face that she hadn't meant to say it, it just slipped out. Unfortunately that doesn't save Esposito from his partner's glare. "Javier Esposito, I am going to kill you."

* * *

Castle and Beckett leave a few hours after breakfast. But not before Castle promises he won't take away Sarah's Barbie car. Esposito admits that they got no sleep the night before because of Ryan's nightmare. Castle and Beckett offer to watch Sarah Grace while Ryan and Esposito take a nap.

Esposito follows Ryan into his room, ignoring the confused stares he's getting from Castle and Beckett. Once inside, Ryan hesitantly moves towards the bed, but Esposito sighs and gestures to it. "Lay down. You need rest and this time I'll be right here in case you have a nightmare." Ryan seems to think about it for a moment before he lays down on one side, leaving more than enough room for Esposito. Esposito rolls his eyes and lays down next to him, staying on top of the blankets while Ryan lays under them.

It has to be a few hours later when Esposito wakes up because he feels groggy when he opens his eyes. He lifts his head up off the pillow to look outside where he's glad to see the sun still up. They haven't messed up their sleep schedule too much.

Next to him, Ryan is still asleep, but he doesn't look at ease. His face is slightly scrunched and his arm is stretched towards Esposito's side of the bed. Ryan's fingers stop just before they touch Esposito's pillow, but if he stretched out his arm fully he would easily be able to reach him. Esposito sighs, realizing that while he didn't have a nightmare, Ryan still was searching for his partner. Or at least the comfort. Esposito hopes it was the former.

Esposito brushes his fingers quickly and softly against Ryan's. He smiles when the discomfort on Ryan's face immediately dissolves. That's all Ryan really needs, to know someone is there for him. And Esposito will make sure it's him.

Slowly, he gets off the bed and makes sure Ryan doesn't wake up. Once Esposito is sure he'll remain sleeping, he steps by the closed door to hear the theme song to one of Sarah's cartoons playing on the television and Castle singing along. Surely, he wouldn't mind sitting with her for a few more minutes so Esposito could jump in the shower. He hadn't taken one since Friday before work.

He walks into Ryan's bathroom and gingerly closes the door behind him. In the mirror, he checks out his face again and is glad that his eye didn't bruise like he thought it would. Espo turns to face the shower and turns the water on. As he waits for the water to warm up, he strips out of his clothes and grabs Ryan's shampoo from underneath the sink, knowing he won't mind.

Once he's in the shower with the warm spray hitting his skin, he finally realizes just how much he needed one. For both hygiene and for the tranquility. Unfortunately, showers do not just calm you down, they also give you time to rehash every single thought running through your mind. And Kevin Ryan seems to be the only thing in Esposito's.

He's only been staying over at Ryan's for a day and already he feels at home. Last night watching a movie with Ryan by his side was amazing. And Kevin in just his t-shirt, boxers and socks curled on his side made it hard for Esposito to keep his eyes on the screen. And when Ryan asked for Esposito to stay with him so he stopped getting so upset at night, Esposito got a feeling in his stomach he hasn't felt since before Jenny.

Esposito always knew he had a slight crush on his partner and knowing that Ryan was pansexual also made it easier for him to hope that they could become a thing. Until Ryan brought Jenny into the precinct that first time. The moment he saw his partner look at her, he knew she was going to be the one to steal him away. Esposito couldn't even be mad at her because she was such a genuinely sweet girl that cherished Ryan. She even treated Esposito, Castle and Beckett just as she would treat any other members of her family.

But the reality is, Jenny's gone and she would want Ryan to move on. That doesn't mean that Esposito doesn't feel like a total ass for even thinking about Ryan in any way other than platonic. He won't take advantage of his partner like that. Which put a slight hitch in Esposito's plan to get Ryan out of his Pension Predicament. It would become too much and Esposito wouldn't be able to control himself. Ryan's probably still grieving over his late wife and not looking to be jumped by his partner. It's out of the question.

No matter how nice it would be if he could have Ryan as his. They could raise Sarah Grace and take her out all the time and spoil her silly. Esposito could steal a kiss from Ryan whenever he wanted. He could hold Ryan late at night to keep the nightmares away. He could wake up every morning to those blue eyes and kiss his partner's early-morning-grumps away.

Suddenly thinking of what their relationship could become and some of the things they could do when Sarah was asleep or at school makes his blood start to rush south. But he shakes his head stubbornly. "No. No. _No_ ," he mutters to himself. There is no way he is going to jack off to his best friend, who is asleep just behind the door.

He wills his erection to go away and picks up the shampoo to distract himself from the dirty thoughts. He squeezes some of the shampoo into his palm and brought it up to his hair. The familiar smell of Ryan hits his nostrils and he groans. He glares at the bottle of Cotton Fresh scented shampoo like it offended him.

"He's your best friend, idiot. Give him a break," Esposito says quietly as he scrubs his short hair. "He lost his wife and he's got to worry about raising his daughter."

 _But, it's been three years and you can help him raise Sarah. You know she loves you._ Esposito hates arguing with himself because he's always right, but he's always wrong. _You're just not giving it a chance because you're a chicken._

"Fine," he growls to himself. "I'll talk to him about it. But if this goes south I'm blaming you." Yes, Esposito realizes he'd just be blaming himself. "I'm not going to just make a move. Not until I _know_."

He finishes lathering his hair, as well as his body with soap before he rinses himself off. He switches to cold water in order to take care of his _issue_. Once finished, he steps out and grabs a towel off the rack to dry himself off with. He exits the bathroom with it wrapped around his waist and grabs a pair of sweats and a shirt from Ryan's dresser to borrow. He'd have to run to his place tomorrow morning after dropping Sarah off at school to grab some clothes.

He casts one last look to his sleeping partner before dropping the towel and pulling on the pants. He'd have to go commando until he got his own clothes. Sharing shirts and pants was one thing, but sharing underwear was another. He pulls on the shirt and then picks the wet towel off of the floor. He drapes it over the bedpost before walking to Ryan's side.

He pauses a minute, just watching how peaceful Ryan is when he's sleeping. And he's so grateful Ryan's not having a nightmare to disrupt him. Listening to his soft snores, Esposito realizes he doesn't have the heart to wake Ryan up from whatever sleep he's managing to get.

So he turns around to the door and opens it slowly halfway, knowing if he opens it fully, it'll creak and the sound may wake Ryan. He shuts it behind him before any of the light can spill into the bedroom. Castle and Beckett turn their heads when he enters the living room. "Thanks again, guys, for letting us catch some sleep."

Beckett shakes her head. "No problem, Espo. We told you we'd be here to help." She finishes picking up the legos that Sarah was probably playing with earlier.

"So," Castle smirks as he looks past Esposito's shoulder to the shut bedroom door. "Where's Ryan?"

Esposito furrows his eyebrows and glances behind him before turning around. "He's sleeping…?"

Castle leans back against the couch, but keeps his arm wrapped around Sarah Grace. "You two always share a bed?"

Realizing why Castle looks so smug, Esposito groans. "Shut up, Castle. We usually pass out on the couch or I take the couch and he goes in his room."

"Really?" Castle says, but is quickly shushed by Sarah, who is trying to pay attention to her cartoon. Castle lowers his voice and continues, "What's so different now, huh? And don't blame the concussion."

"Castle, please just leave it alone." Esposito sighs as he sits in the recliner by the couch. "It's nothing."

"Oh yes it is _something_. Few years ago- " Castle starts, but Beckett shushes him. Castle looks like he wants to say more and Esposito wants to hear more. But Beckett gives him _the look_ , so he shuts up.

Esposito eyes the writer before shaking his head. He can corner the writer later when Beckett isn't around. "You guys eat, yet?" He asks, changing the subject.

Beckett puts the last lego away in the bin before standing up. She walks over to the couch as she answers, "No, we were actually just about to order a pizza in."

"I'll call," Esposito offers. He knows where Ryan keeps all of the takeout menus and he even has some of the best places' numbers already saved in his phone. "You guys staying?"

"We're heading back after this episode is finished." Castle gestures to the television. "We were going to keep Sarah occupied until you woke up and then give you some peace and quiet. Especially for Ryan's headache."

Sarah's head whips away from the television and she shakes it furiously. "Stay, Uncle Rick!" She turns and looks over at Beckett. "You, too, Aunt Katie!"

Beckett smiles over at her niece. "It's almost bedtime for you. You have school tomorrow."

Sarah sighs heavily and tucks herself deeper into the crook of Castle's arm. "No school. Why can't you guys sleep over like Uncle Javi?"

Beckett smirks. "Because unlike Uncle Javi, we have to get back to work tomorrow-"

"Stop your whining. I'll be back Wednesday." Esposito raises his eyebrows. Captain Gates gave them each a few days off until Ryan was out of the hospital, but Esposito wanted to use some of his vacation days to stay until Ryan was _really_ okay.

Beckett rolls her eyes at him before turning back to Sarah. "We'll come everyday to check up on your dad and we'll stay for a few minutes, okay?"

Sarah slumps her shoulders with a small nod before looking up to address the writer. "Is Alexis coming over this week?"

Before Castle can answer, Esposito says, "Oh crap, I almost forgot. Castle, you can tell Alexis she has the week off. Ryan doesn't go back to work until the stitches come out. That'll be at least a week or so."

"No, Espo, it's her job. Ryan needs the time to rest," Castle argues.

"I'll be here to help. Besides, Ryan's been looking to spend some time with Sarah Grace." Esposito shrugs his shoulders. "I think in a few days when the exhaustion and head poundings are gone he'll enjoy the days off."

Castle agrees that this will be good for Ryan. "I'll tell her when I get back to the loft. She may come over though to see how Ryan's doing."

Beckett sits down next to her husband and leans against his side. Castle's arm automatically wraps around her. "Gates said there's a lot of people in the 12th worried about him. They're all sending him their best."

Esposito smiles softly. It's nice to know there's a world of people out there worrying about his partner. "He got a few cards in the hospital."

The room goes silent, except for the voices in Sarah's cartoon. The toddler got bored with the conversation and is once again enthralled with the television. Castle stares at the TV blankly for a short moment before breaking the somewhat silence. "You know sometimes I wish I was an actual cop. It never stops amazing me when I see how close you all are. Even if you've never once spoken before, you're still brothers and sisters in blue."

Beckett nudges his arm with her elbow. "C'mon, Castle. You're just as much of a cop as any."

Castle shrugs his shoulders, disagreeing. "I'm a writer, Kate. And at first all this was, was just a way to get more inspiration for my book. But now that I've spent almost 10 years with you guys, I wish I was a cop from the beginning. Be by your sides from day one, you know?" He frowns and sighs sadly. "Because before I showed up...one of you three could have been killed on duty and I wouldn't have known or cared as much as I should. Hell if I never got dragged into that first case, then I'd just be reading about Kevin in the paper. But now I can't imagine losing any of you."

Beckett kisses Castle's cheek softly and whispers just loud enough to be heard over the TV. "You're not going to lose any of us, okay? This family won't be torn apart. We're strong and we've got each other's back."

Castle nods. "I know. Sometimes I just worry. Being a cop isn't a game and I appreciate all the sacrifices that you three and every other member of the NYPD has made."

Esposito knows that Castle can get on his very last nerve, but he still loves the guys like his own brother and he's glad that they crossed paths all those years ago. Castle has definitely grown into a mature adult; Esposito knows he wasn't one the first night they met. The team knows just how important they are to each other, but sometimes it's good to hear it out loud. "Thanks, Castle. Same goes for you."

Castle grins over at the Esposito. He isn't usually so open with his 'feelings'. "One day when Ryan's feeling better, we should all go out to celebrate."

Beckett laughs softly. "Now we need a celebration to go out for drinks?"

Castle shakes his head with a grin. "This will not be _just_ an ordinary celebration. All of the 12th will be invited to the Old Haunt. A surprise, 'welcome back, Ryan' party. We'll charge the press for each question they wish to ask our famous compadre."

Esposito rolls his eyes. "He was on the news, Castle. That doesn't make him famous."

Castle raises his eyebrows and shrugs his shoulders - well, he shrugs them as best as he can with Sarah clinging to one arm. "Do you know how fame and New York works, Espo? He was all over every single news channel. He took a bullet to the head and lived to tell the tale. People will want to know how he is and not to mention all the girls that will be drooling over him."

Esposito scowls, thinking about everybody who will smother Ryan just for his 15 minutes of fame. He wants his partner to be surrounded by friends and family who are in it for the long run. He _especially_ doesn't want those women around Ryan just because he's so 'brave' for taking a bullet and would be the perfect trophy-boyfriend.

"Aw you're making him jealous," Beckett sang like an annoying little sister.

"I'm not _jealous_ , Beckett. I just really can't imagine people chasing after Kevin because he was on the _news_." Esposito turns his head away from Beckett so she can't catch him in a possible lie. He's not really sure what he's thinking right now, but these past few days he's been leading himself into uncharted territory.

Attempting to get Beckett's attention off of him, Esposito notices the credits to Sarah's show are rolling down the screen, so he shuts the TV off with the remote. Sarah knows not to complain or she wouldn't watch any TV tomorrow, so she silently pouts next to Castle.

"Well you better start imagining it because Gates already has gotten numerous phone calls from newspapers and reporters looking for a story." Beckett is smiling now, but Esposito knows she won't be smiling when there will be cameras following her team.

"We'll keep 'em all away. Ryan'll dye his hair and wear a dress to work to sneak in." Esposito jokes with a smirk knowing full well that Ryan would kill him if he even heard that joke, let alone asked him to dress up like that.

"A hundred bucks, Espo. I will give you one-hundred bucks if you get that to happen," Castle promises. Esposito nods and gives him a thumbs up.

Of course, Beckett ruins the fun. Like always. "I will not let you make him come to work like that."

"I'm sure Sarah's got a dress he can borrow. They're both size Leprechaun." Castle grins and sticks out his hand for Esposito to feed his birds. Esposito does so with a smile.

Beckett rolls her eyes and waits for Esposito and Castle to finish before she stands from the couch. "We better get going before you continue to make fun of Ryan when he's not even here to defend himself."

Castle sighs, but follows his wife to his feet. "We shall continue this tomorrow, 'Sito. When Ryan is awake and we can see him get peeved at all the leprechaun jokes."

"Sounds like a plan to me, bro," Esposito says, skillfully avoiding Beckett's hand as she tries to hit him upside the head. He looks up and laughs at her narrowed eyes. She's not really upset with them; she knows they're joking.

" _Goodnight_ , Esposito." She emphasizes the farewell and Esposito knows he better drop it. He hopes Castle has the common sense to follow suit. "C'mon, Castle, say goodbye. We've got to get home so Sarah can get ready for bed."

Castle huffs and mutters about how Beckett always treats him like a child. Esposito doesn't point out that his whining doesn't really help him. "Goodnight, Sarah." Castle leans down to place a small kiss to the top of her head. Castle stands back up and says goodnight to Esposito as well.

Esposito returns it, but as they turn around to leave, Esposito calls out, "What, _I'm_ not cute enough for a goodbye kiss?"

Beckett mockingly blows a kiss to him, but when Esposito turns to Castle, the writer raises an eyebrow. "I don't think so. You're not cute enough for these lips." When Castle's eyebrows lower and a smirk spreads across his face, Esposito grows concerned. "Why don't you go ask your boyfriend for a goodnight kiss?"

Esposito leans down to grab a pillow to use for ammo, but Castle slams the door shut before he can be hit. Esposito huffs and grumbles a good riddance. At least with Castle gone, he won't have to hear those stupid jokes about his crush on his partner and worry about how to get away with murdering him.

"Uncle Javi?"

"Yeah, Sunshine?"

"Who's your boyfriend?"

Nevermind. _He's definitely going to kill Castle._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, favoriting and adding this story to your list. I'm glad you're all enjoying this fic:) Thank you to TXMedic for betaing this for me! 
> 
> Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. ( i think)
> 
>  

 

"It's a little late for me to order a pizza, so how do grilled cheeses sound?" Esposito asks Sarah once he sits her at the table. "Then you'll get a bath, and then a bedtime story before bed."

Sarah groans and kicks her foot against the table leg. "I don't _want_ to take a bath."

Esposito eyes her foot, a silent warning for her to not throw a tantrum. "You haven't bathed since at least Thursday. Do you want to smell like a puppy dog going to school tomorrow?"

Sarah figures out she won't win this argument without her secret weapon, so instead of answering Esposito, she gives him her biggest puppy dog eyes. "Please, Uncle Javi?"

Esposito feels his eye twitch. He wants to give in, but he can't or else she'll use this tactic every time she wants something. And she'll win. "Nope. You're getting washed whether you nicely take a bath or I have to hose you down outside."

Sarah's lower lip sticks out. Her grin quickly returns when she asks, "Can I bring my mermaids in?"

Esposito can't think of the harm, so he nods. "Only if you eat all your dinner." He smiles when Sarah nods and her face brightens even more.

Esposito turns to the fridge to pull out the cheese singles and then to the bread drawer for the loaf of bread. He rolls his eyes when he reads the package of Honey-Wheat bread. "Even his bread is honey flavored."

He also notices that there isn't much to cook with in Ryan's cabinets or fridge. It's all mostly meals that are heated in the oven and ready to serve. Esposito wonders if Sarah has ever tried _real_ chicken compared to her frozen dinosaur chicken. He knows that Ryan isn't a cook, hell he could burn soup, but Sarah did not have to suffer because of that. Esposito would definitely have to change that.

Sarah entertains herself at the table, sometimes asking Esposito random questions until her sandwich is ready. She dives right into it, but not before she slowly pulls her two halves apart to watch the melted cheese stretch.

Esposito eats his next to her, but pays more attention to the toddler as she fills her mouth with cheese and bread. "S'goo'!" She says with her mouth full of food. Since it's a compliment, he lets her 'bad manners' slide. Ryan doesn't have to know.

Dinner takes 15 minutes at most to finish and Esposito sends Sarah away to get her dolls for the bath while he washes the dishes. He keeps out the pan for when Ryan wakes up looking for food. Esposito finishes up the kitchen and goes to the hallway bathroom where Sarah is waiting patiently. The bathtub is already full of Barbies.

Esposito fills the tub with warm water before turning around to give Sarah privacy while she strips out of her clothes. He waits for the soft plop of her sitting down before turning back around. He washes her quickly, but thoroughly as she plays around with her dolls. After the last of the conditioner is washed out, Esposito grabs the towel next to him and says, "Up."

Sarah looks at his outstretched hands holding the towel open for her to step into. Normally when Esposito gave her a bath, he'd allow a few extra minutes to play as the water drained, but that was when she bathed earlier in the night and not right before bedtime. Sarah surprises Esposito and gets out of the bath without a single 'but'. She must be tired.

He wraps her up in the oversized towel and lifts her up. She looks like a burrito, wrapped up in the fluffy towel with only her head sticking out of the hole. Esposito chuckles at the sight of her bundled up like an Eskimo and she smiles.

He holds her close to his chest and carries her to her room. Not for the first time, Esposito finds himself wishing he'd settled down and had a baby of his own. Now he's not sure he wants to make a family. He wants to be apart of _this_ family. He's spent so much time at Ryan's apartment that he already feels like this is his home.

He already feels like Sarah's second father. He makes her dinner, gives her baths, knows every little quirk she has and she's always excited when he's over. But Esposito can't just slip himself into her life. That's up to Ryan and sometimes Esposito feels that Ryan's still wrapped up in trying to get over Jenny that he doesn't see what's right in front of him.

Esposito sighs and places Sarah down on her bed so he can get her nightgown from the dresser. "Ariel or Belle tonight, munchkin?"

Sarah debates the options in her head as she pulls her panties up to cover her bare behind. She turns around and says, "Ariel, please."

Esposito dresses her in the Ariel nightgown and scoops her up in his arms. He can see her eyes beginning to droop and she's trying hard to stay awake. He sits at the head of her bed with her curled in his lap. He looks at the bookshelf across the room and knows a bedtime story is out of the question.

He rocks her gently and sings softly, " _Goodnight sweetheart, well it's time to go. I hate to leave ya', but I really must say, goodnight sweetheart."_ He hums softly, watching her eyes close one more time before she falls asleep in his arms.

* * *

Waking up from a decent sleep has always been difficult for Ryan. He's not a morning person. So he isn't surprised that he doesn't want to open his eyes and be forced to face the real world yet. He's comfortable with falling back asleep and catching up on his rest. He hasn't had a terror-less dream since last week. Before the case, before the letter and before the shooting.

That surprises him that his subconscious had let him stay content in his dreams. The last thing he remembers is Esposito promising to stay close and make sure Ryan slept soundly. This morning's events come crashing down on him and he winces remembering how vulnerable he felt in front of his partner. But Esposito hadn't teased him or made a big deal about it. He offered to lay down next to him in case he needed the _comfort_.

Ryan smiles at the memory of falling into bed next to him. How at ease he felt with his partner close to his side. Ryan reaches over to the other side of his bed, expecting to brush Esposito, but he feels nothing but cold, vacant sheets. Frowning, he peeks an eye open to see an empty bed. Esposito must have woken up already and judging by the cool sheets, it had to have been a few hours ago.

Turning his head towards his bedside table he reads the clock that is steadily blinking _8:47_. Ryan's eyes widen as he curses under his breath, "Shit." He'd slept the day away. Who was taking care of Sarah while he slept? "Shit. Shit. _Shit_."

He stumbles out of his bed, his grogginess bothering him more than his slight headache. Once his feet find solid ground, he walks out of his room, looking around for Sarah or his partner. Both the kitchen and living room are empty so Ryan turns down the hall towards Sarah's bedroom. He stops in the doorway and leans against it while he breathes a sigh of relief.

Esposito is sitting at the head of Sarah's bed with her cradled securely in his arms. She's asleep already which surprises Ryan because she hardly ever gets to bed on time. Esposito's good at getting her to bed, unlike her other uncle that gives her sweets before bed and lets her stay awake watching movies that aren't age appropriate. Castle doesn't watch her alone very much.

"Were you watching her all day? Why didn't you wake me up?" Ryan asks softly so he doesn't wake up Sarah.

Esposito jumps slightly, but doesn't jerk the toddler in his arms. "Don't sneak up on me like that, bro." He shakes his head before continuing, "Castle and Beckett were here earlier and stayed with her while we slept. They left just before dinner."

Ryan looks down at his daughter and sees her curls are still damp. So not only did Esposito watch her, but he also fed her dinner, bathed her and put her to sleep. He hadn't that much help in one night in a while. Alexis is always there when he needs her, but he tries his best to take over when he's home. Once again, Ryan is reminded that he can rely on his partner for absolutely _anything_. "Thank you for taking care of her."

Esposito immediately responds, "It's fine. I like to spend time with her, you know that. Tonight was nice. Relaxing, even."

Ryan nods. "And thanks for letting me sleep. My head feels a hundred times better. Hopefully the headaches will be gone for good soon."

"It doesn't help that you haven't eaten today. C'mon, I'll make you a grilled cheese," Esposito says as he carefully moves Sarah Grace from his lap to the bed. Ryan feels a small smile grace his face when he sees how gentle his partner is with her.

Ryan waits in the doorway for Esposito to tuck Sarah in underneath the comforters. He tip toes to Ryan's side and follows him down the hall. Ryan sits at the table once they're in the kitchen while Esposito goes to the counter. The bread and pan is still out, so Ryan assumes that Esposito made Sarah a sandwich for dinner.

"I was thinking," Esposito says as he opens the fridge to get the cheese and butter. "About your issue with your pension. I think...I may have an idea on how to fix it."

Ryan perks up in his seat. "Really? How?"

Esposito isn't facing Ryan as he starts the stove. "Well, it's just an idea...but you can only change it for death, marriage, and divorce. There's no way around it. Your only real option is marriage." Esposito is too busy putting together Ryan's sandwich to see his eyebrows furrow.

"That doesn't really help, Javi. I don't want to marry some random person just to change my pension. That'll leave me in the same problem if something happens to me. But, instead of the state getting my money, whoever I marry will." Ryan shakes his head. He had such hope for a solution.

Esposito sighs as he flips the sandwich. "First, _nothing_ is going to happen to you. Second, I'm not asking you to settle down with a stranger."

Ryan laughs dryly. "There's not a lot of people I know who would marry me just for the pension."

Esposito finally turns to face Ryan. "What if…" He swallowed thickly before continuing, "What if _I_ said I'd do it. You know, marry you so the pension goes to me and I'd be Sarah's guardian. I don't think you'll ever need it, but this is bothering you...So if this makes you feel better, I'm willing to do this."

Ryan blinks and can't tell if he heard Esposito correctly. "You...what?"

"I'll marry you, Kevin," Esposito says again, this time with a faint blush. He turns back around to flip the sandwich.

This is when Ryan would make a joke. ' _At least take me to dinner first'_. But Ryan is caught up in the fact that his partner would be willinging to do this for him. "I...I don't know what to say…"

Esposito chuckles. "Try, 'yes'."

"Javi, you know if you do this you won't be able to get married in the future." Ryan watches as Esposito turns around with his steaming sandwich on a plate. Ryan tries to catch Esposito's eye to see if he's really okay with this or just saying so to make Ryan feel better.

"I'm not looking to settle down with anyone else," Esposito says and Ryan feels his heart warm when Javier all but says he wants to settle down with him and Sarah Grace. Ryan believes him when he says he doesn't mind. "So, whattaya say, Kev? Wanna get married?"

Ryan smiles and for the first time in a while he's happy about how everything is going in his life and he only has his partners to thank. Especially Javier. "Yeah, I think I'd like that."

Esposito gives him a lopsided smile and outstretches his arm holding the steaming grilled cheese. "I don't have a ring, but how about a delicious grilled cheese instead?"

"Even better," Ryan says, taking the plate from Esposito's hand. "Good thing I'm marrying a chef." Ryan takes a bite of the sandwich and he's not surprised that Esposito can make a simple grilled cheese sandwich taste like heaven.

"You ain't seen nothin', yet, sweetheart." He teases with a wink.

"I'll believe that when I taste it." A yawn catches Ryan off guard, but he doesn't need the sleep for his exhaustion as much as he needs to sleep off the last of his headache.

"Trust me, you will. No more poisoning Sarah with your burnt soup."

"That was _one time_ , Javi!"

"One time too many, bro."

Ryan rolls his eyes and takes another bite of his sandwich. Once he swallows, he says to Esposito, "You can go to sleep. I'll clean up in here."

Esposito shakes his head. "No way, bro. I made the mess so I'll clean it. You relax and eat your dinner."

Ryan can be just as stubborn as his partner. "You made the mess for _me_ and _my_ daughter. _I'll_ clean it."

Esposito frowns. "Nu-uh, we're in this together now. Eat." Esposito taps the table next to the plate before standing up and washing the pan.

Ryan smiles as he watches Esposito clean up from behind. _Together_. He likes the sound of that.

* * *

Ryan finishes his sandwich just before Esposito is putting away the cheese and butter. He quickly washes the plate himself so Esposito doesn't. Esposito rolls his eyes when he sees it drying in the drain along with the other dishes that he washed.

"Before we head to bed...do you wanna talk about this?" Esposito gestured weakly between them. "Like are we going to tell Sarah Grace? When are we heading down to city hall? Are Castle and Beckett going to be our witnesses?"

Ryan bites his lip. Truthfully, he hadn't even thought about how Sarah would feel. Would she be upset? Would she think that her father was just trying to replace her mother? Would she even understand? "I don't know," he admits to Esposito. "I think for now we shouldn't mention it to her. It's not really a _real_ marriage...I don't want to confuse her or anything."

Esposito quickly responds, "I get it, Kev. Don't worry. We'll have Alexis watch her while we get our certificate and then we can bring it down to the department."

Ryan sighs when he answers Esposito's last question. "I guess that leaves Castle and Beckett as our witnesses." He pauses. "This was _your_ idea, so it's only fair that _you_ ask."

Esposito crosses his arms. "I don't think so. I did the hard work already, so you can do something."

"I'm _marrying_ you, aren't I?" Ryan says with a smirk.

"Ha-ha." Esposito uncrosses his arms, but doesn't give in. "We'll ask them _together_ tomorrow when they come over."

Ryan's really starting to love that word. _Together._ He smiles and repeats, "Together."

"We'll run to city hall Wednesday or Thursday and viola, your problem is solved." Esposito pats Ryan on the shoulder before turning his head towards the bedroom door. "I'm gonna get to bed so I wake up in time to take Sarah Grace to school."

"Of course," Ryan says hurriedly. "You don't have to take her, though."

"Yeah, I do," Esposito challenges. "Alexis has the week off and you're not driving until your head is better."

Ryan can't argue with that logic so he nods his head. "Okay, but wake me up. I want to get back on my sleeping schedule."

"As long as I don't get punched again, it's a deal." Esposito says and for a moment Ryan feels guilty. Is Espo's nose still bothering him? Is he waiting for Ryan to say, 'punch me back'?

"I'm sorry again, Javi-"

Esposito's laugh cuts him off. "I'm joking. Seriously. I've had much worse."

Ryan's guilt eases away. "Good-well not good that you've had worse, but good that I didn't hurt you too badly." Ryan shakes his head. "Anyway, I'll follow in a few minutes. I'm not tired enough yet to sleep."

Ryan can practically see the worry in Esposito's eyes. "You sure, bro? I can stay awake with you if you want."

"I'm fine, Javi. Get some rest."

Esposito eyes him warily, but nods and walks over to the bedroom door. Before entering he says, "Just call me if you need anything."

"I will," Ryan promises even though he knows he won't. Esposito wouldn't go to sleep otherwise. He'll be fine, Esposito just has to stop mother henning him all the time. Ryan stands and waits for Esposito to close the door (he refuses to shut it all the way _just in case_ ) before he starts towards Sarah's room.

Ryan smiles softly as he watches her sleep peacefully under her thick blanket. Even though it's nearing the end of May, she still buries herself under pillows, blankets and stuffed animals every night. He shuffles quietly into her room and stops by her bed. Earlier, he hadn't gotten the chance to kiss his daughter goodnight so he leans down and places a soft kiss to her head. The corner of her lip upturns subconsciously just the slightest.

Stepping back, Ryan sits in the rocking chair in the corner of the room that he and Jenny once used to rock Sarah Grace to sleep in. He drags his hand gingerly up the armrest and smiles bittersweetly. So many times he would come in here just to watch his wife holding their baby girl close to her chest. He hadn't used the chair since she passed.

"Jenny…" Kevin whispers brokenly. "I don't...I don't know what I'm doing. Javier's helping me out; I don't know how or if I would have survived without him. He offered to...marry me, just to help me get rid of this pension shit that I caused. No one would ever do that for me, except him. I'm not replacing you-I don't even know why I'm defending myself because you know this relationship could never be like ours…" Kevin trails off, thinking about the parallels of his relationships with both Jenny and his partner. Now that Ryan thinks about it, he and Javier act the same way as he and Jenny, except for the kisses, sex and romantic aspect of it.

"Sarah loves him. Sometimes I think more than me." He chuckles as he changes the subject. "He'll take good care of her just like he always has; there's not a doubt in mind. I don't think she'd have much of a problem with this...or maybe she will." Ryan sighs deeply and hangs his head in his hands. "I really don't know. All I know is, I needed to talk to someone and you popped into mind." He looks back up to the ceiling. "I just need a second opinion. So if you think I'm making a mistake and fake-marrying Javier is wrong, _please give me a sign_."

Ryan sits still in the chair for a few minutes waiting for something impossible to happen, like a giant neon sign to slowly descend in front of him telling him the right solution. He looks around the almost dark room, save from the stream of light slipping through the window curtains and the small night light by Sarah's bed. His eyes slowly roam from his sleeping daughter, dressed in her nightgown and snuggled under her blankets, to the nightlight. His partner had done a great job getting her to bed; he did everything he was supposed to without needing reminders. Ryan knows that sometimes Esposito is around when gets her ready for bed, but he doesn't usually help other than when he gets something for Ryan because his hands are full. But he must have paid close attention each time because not one thing was array.

Ryan smiles faintly when he realizes that he did the right thing. He's _doing_ the right thing. "Thanks, Jenny," he says softly before standing up from the rocking chair. He gives one last glance to his daughter, smiling at her own smile, before quietly leaving the room.

Once he gets to his bedroom, he quiets his footsteps again so he doesn't wake up his partner. He's still in last night's sleep clothes so he slips under the covers next to Esposito. Ryan only woke up an hour or so ago, but he feels the exhaustion start to creep up on him again. This damn concussion is messing up his sleep schedule, but he hopes that this will get him back on track.

He closes his eyes and the minute his head hits the pillow, the soft, pulsing in the back of his head slowly dissipates. Sighing softly, he finally begins to drift to what he knows will be a peaceful sleep.

xXx

Esposito has been woken up in many different ways. Especially during his time in the Special Forces. But never once was he woken up by a bouncing ball of limbs, giggles and bare feet.

Opening his eyes, Esposito sees big, blue eyes staring right back, not an inch away. He feels his heart skip a beat, not expecting to have an intense staring contest early this morning. It takes him a second longer, due to his drowsiness, to remember that his partner is not the only one with those eyes.

"Wake up, Uncle Javi!" Sarah yells and bounces slightly. She's sitting on his chest with each leg on its own side of him. "School time!"

Right. He's getting Sarah ready today and taking her to school. "5 more minutes?" He kids and lets his eyes drop shut. Suddenly there's two little fingers squeezing his nose. _Hard_. "Ow," he says loudly and tries to swat her hand away from his face, but she has his arms captive under her legs.

She's giggling and loosens her grip so it's not as painful as it is irritating. He shakes his hips back and forth trying to push her off her 'throne', but she keeps her grip like a leech. Now she's laughing too hard to even get her words out, but Esposito can tell she's trying to tell him to get up still.

"Bother your father," Esposito grumbles and rolls over on his side so he's now facing Ryan. Sarah can't help it when she _finally_ falls off and lands on the mattress between them. During all this commotion, Ryan barely registers anything outside of his deep sleep.

Sarah turns her head to the side and looks up at her dad. He is also facing the center of the bed, so Sarah has a clear view of his face. "He's sleeping."

Esposito reaches out to pull Sarah up against his chest and secures her underneath one arm. With the other, he begins to mercilessly tickle her stomach. "I _was_ sleeping."

"Stop," Sarah squeals breathlessly as she tries to shove Esposito's hand away. He ignores her and continues to tickle her until her face is red and the noises that Sarah is making wake up Ryan.

Esposito watches as his nose scrunches up after one quite loud screech and then after a series of giggles, Ryan joins Esposito and Sarah into the world of consciousness. "What're you doing?"

"Waking your lazy ass up," Esposito says without missing a beat.

Ryan attempts to pull the pillow back over his head. "No, let's all go back to sleep."

Chuckling, Esposito kicks Ryan's shin under the blankets lightly to try and get him more awake. He would shake his shoulder relentlessly until he was, but if he let one arm off of Sarah, then she would surely jump on him again. "Weekend's over, sunshine. C'mon, you don't even have to get dressed or do anything; _I've_ got Sarah this morning."

"Then why're you waking me up?" Ryan mumbles. Esposito knows he doesn't really mean it; the moment that Esposito got up and started to get Sarah ready, Ryan would stumble out of the bedroom and help him. Ryan didn't like people to wait on him or when he felt useless.

"So you suffer, too," Esposito kids.

"I'm touched." Ryan's sarcastic response is muffled by the pillow.

Esposito smiles softly as he lays in the bed. He lets himself relax and forget about the time to enjoy this moment. For a short time, he can pretend this is all real. Sarah giggling in his arm and Kevin grumpily trying to get back to bed next to him are things he'd love to wake up to every morning.

In another world, Esposito would pull Kevin close to his side with Sarah squashed between them like a sandwich. He would kiss Kevin's lips softly and hold Kevin's hand in his hand. He would call Sarah _theirs_ and Kevin _his_.

But he can't and the reminder hurts his heart.

Esposito lets go of Sarah and pushes her into a sitting position. Her giggling stops when she she realizes that he's getting up. "I'll get your uniform while you get the last sleepies out of your eyes." He holds back saying 'with Daddy' so he saves himself from some more suffering. Couples referred to each other as 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' to their children. They aren't that and Esposito doesn't need to rub what he can't have in his own face.

As he walks towards the door, Esposito hears the bed sheets shuffling and he's surprised to hear Ryan's voice. "You okay, Javi?"

Esposito reaches the doorway and turns around to address Ryan. He's sitting up in bed, although his hair is going in every direction and he's still blinking away the last of his sleep. "Yeah, bro. I just don't want her to be late."

Ryan stares at him silently and Esposito can practically feel his eyes peering into his soul. Thankfully, after a moment he shakes his head and looks down at his daughter. "I'll make her breakfast," he offers as he flips the blanket off his lap.

Esposito doesn't argue it, though he knows Sarah's stomach will later in the day. Ryan is supposed to be resting, but he obviously can't sit still any longer and Esposito isn't going to be the one to deny him the chance to to something other than rest.

Once Ryan is standing by the side of his bed, Sarah looks from him to Esposito and frowns. "No more tickles?" She pouts and pushes herself up in the bed; her small frame looks absolutely tiny surrounded by the pillows.

Esposito laughs and shares an amused look with Ryan. "Nope. Not this morning. Now up and at 'em or I'll do your hair." Esposito isn't proud of his hair skills; the first and last time he was responsible for doing Sarah's hair, Ryan had to cut the brush out of her hair and then make an emergency trip to the nearest salon. In his defense, he didn't grow up with three sisters like his partner had.

Sarah's eyes widens and she quickly jumps down to the floor. She dashes past Esposito right out of the room leaving a trail of more giggles behind her. Esposito waits for her to disappear in her bedroom before turning to Ryan. "One time and she's scarred for life."

"She has every reason to be," Ryan deadpans, but he's smiling.

"Shut up," Esposito smiles right back. He turns around and exits the bedroom so Ryan can pull on a pair of sweatpants while he gets Sarah dressed.

It doesn't take long for Esposito to get Sarah ready. Ryan keeps her uniform neatly hung up by the door with her socks, shoes and hairband nearby on her dresser. He lets Sarah dress herself, but he picks up her nightgown when she drops it to the floor and then helps her button the back of her dress. It's the stereotypical Catholic uniform for the springtime; she has a short-sleeved, white button down shirt underneath her blue, red and white plaid jumper. Esposito has to admit that she looks absolutely adorable in it.

Once she's fully dressed, except for her still crazy hair, Esposito lets her run into the kitchen where he can hear Ryan stumbling around making breakfast. He really hopes his partner doesn't try anything elaborate; cereal is probably the only thing that he trusts his partner to make correctly.

Unfortunately, he walks in the kitchen to find Sarah sitting at the table with a small bowl in front of her and she does not look happy. When Ryan turns around to put the milk back in the refrigerator, Sarah looks up and pushes the bowl towards him, silently asking him to eat it for her. Esposito chuckles and shakes his head causing her pout to deepen. It's no secret that Ryan couldn't cook a decent meal if his life depended on it.

Esposito walks to Sarah's side to see just how he could have messed up oatmeal. He looks into the bowl and isn't surprised to see milk drowning the oats. It looks like a mushy bowl of milk, really.

He rolls his eyes and leaves Sarah to her breakfast so she can't convince him to eat it for her. He goes to Ryan's side by the sink where he's finishing washing his dishes from last night. "How're feeling?"

Ryan shrugs his shoulders as he places his plate in the drainboard. "Okay. Definitely much better than before."

Esposito smiles, relieved that his concussion didn't worsen during his time away from the hospital. "Well, waking up with us is a good sign, right? Tonight we'll get you back on your schedule for going to sleep at the right time and then you should be good."

Ryan shuts off the sink and laughs. "Yeah, being able to keep my eyes open for longer than five minutes is a definite plus."

Esposito claps his shoulder with a grin. "Baby steps, Kev. You'll get there."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and please drop a review on what you're looking forward to, what you like, what you didn't. Reviews make writers smile:)


	13. Chapter 13

"I don't understand why I'm here! You people already killed Ethan. What else do you want from me?" Kathy Owens crosses her arms over chest, narrowed eyes taking turns looking from Castle to Beckett.

" _Us people_? I'm sorry that your boyfriend, a man who raped and murdered a little girl was killed. A little girl that _you_ were entrusted with to take care of." Beckett slid a picture of Casey at the crime scene across the table.

Owens cringes at the picture; Beckett knows that no matter who that woman got herself involved with, seeing what he did to the little girl would help her realize he wasn't who she thought he was. "He...you don't have anything against him. One of your detectives _shot_ him before you could even ask."

"We have an _eyewitness_. Paige saw the entire thing with her own eyes. She watched her younger sister _violated_ and then _killed_ by some sleaze bag _you_ brought home." Beckett remains calm, but each word is laced with animosity.

"What you have is a thirteen-year old girl that didn't know she was killed when you first went to her for questioning!"

"She saw you there. If you ask me, she's probably terrified of you."

Owens shoots the writer a nasty look. "If she was so worried about her _little sister_ , then why didn't she call the police or get help, huh? How do you know she's not just trying to get rid of me?"

"She's still petrified of what she saw. And I don't think I'd blame her for trying to get rid of you. But, _do not_ accuse her of lying. Not after everything you've put her and the rest of those girls through. You gave us enough to convict you of child endangerment and, by the rate you're going, accessory to murder."

" _What_?!" Owens asks, outraged. "I didn't kill her."

"That's why we are charging you with _accessory_ to murder." Beckett says before standing up.

"Oh, come on," Owens says, looking desperately between Castle and Beckett. "I didn't _tell_ him to kill her."

Beckett smirks. "No, you didn't. But you did let him in and you just admitted that he killed Casey. The jury will give you what you deserve."

* * *

After breakfast, Esposito takes Sarah to school and returns about an hour and a half later with a few extra changes of clothes and two egg sandwiches from their regular coffee shop. It's the sandwiches that they always get on their way to early morning crime scenes. As much as Ryan despises waking up early, taking a bite of his sandwich makes him realize just how much he misses work. He misses morning coffee with Javier on their way to the crime scene. He misses working through the twists and turns of a case to solve it. He misses being in the box and putting killers away behind bars so they can give justice to the grieving families. He misses the 12th.

He tries not to think of it too much. He knows he should enjoy this time he has off to spend with Sarah Grace. Soon enough, he'll be back at his desk wishing he was home.

After Ryan and Esposito finish eating, they don't do much more than straighten up and watch television. Ryan isn't back to his full strength enough to concentrate on playing video games, so they save that for another day.

They don't talk about their solution to Ryan's problem either. But thankfully it doesn't make their relationship feel awkward or strained. They watch a few movies on television, side by side, close enough that every time Ryan laughs at a stupid joke, he causes Espo to shake along with him.

Esposito watches as Ryan's eyes crinkle and his gummy smile stretches across his face. For not the first time since Friday morning, Esposito stops to think about how grateful he is to have his partner alive and well in his life.

A hand shaking his arm breaks his concentration. He looks down to see Ryan holding his wrist softly as he uses the other hand to point towards the television. "Man, you're missing the funniest parts."

Esposito chuckles at Ryan's enthusiasm. "I've seen this before, Kev. In the movie theatres _with you_."

"Never gets old," Ryan mumbles as he turns back to the television.

Rolling his eyes, Esposito stands up and offers, "I'll go make us some lunch before I gotta pick up the rascal from school."

"Can you make me some tater tots? They're on the-"

"The bottom shelf of the freezer, I know. But why the hell would you ask for _tater tots_ when I can cook you a three course meal." Esposito shakes his head with a small smile.

"Not if you want to be on time to pick up Sarah Grace," Ryan reminds him with a smirk.

"Is that a bet because-?"

Esposito is interrupted by a knock at the door. They both exchange a confused look and Esposito asks, "Are you expecting anyone?" When Ryan raises his eyebrows, silently asking if he's serious, Esposito turns to go answer the door.

He opens it slowly, unsure of who could be on the other side. On the other side of the door, Esposito easily recognizes the two standing there. "Castle? Beckett? What're you guys doing here?" Esposito grins. "Let me guess, you missed us already?"

Once Esposito opens the door wide enough, Castle and Beckett step through. "You wish. It was actually quiet enough for me to get my paperwork done without Tweedledum and Tweedledee around."

"I disagree. Writer boy _definitely_ causes all the problems at the 12th." Esposito defends him and his partner with a roll of his eyes.

Ryan twists on the couch and grabs the backrest with both hands, peering over at Castle and Beckett. The writer and detective immediately brighten when they see that the Irishman is up and awake. "How're you feeling, Ry?"

Ryan smiles and turns back to sitting when they join him on the couch. "I'm feeling much better than yesterday. Sorry I missed you."

Castle shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Sarah was excited to see her favorite aunt and uncle again."

"Please," Esposito scoffs. "She sees me everyday."

Ryan ignores the other two's usual teasing and turns to Beckett. "Did we miss anything?" He hates staying home and being kept in the dark from everything happening in the precinct.

"We brought in Kathy Owens," Beckett starts hesitantly. "She had quite a mouth."

Esposito grinds his teeth. "Did you get her? You know she's just as guilty as that other d-bag."

Beckett nods her head. "I know, Espo. We got her for accessory to murder and child endangerment. If, and I know it will, it sticks in court she's going away for a long time."

"What about the girls?" Ryan asks, concern clearly evident in his voice.

"They found someone that actually cares for the girls," Beckett explains, but still sees the worry on Ryan's face. "But we can go check on them when you're feeling better just to make sure."

"Half of me wishes I didn't kill Ethan so he could rot away in jail for the rest of his life," Esposito mumbles in his hands, breaking the silence.

"You did the right thing, Javier. He's not going to hurt anyone _anymore_." Beckett rubs Esposito's arm comfortingly.

Javier glances at Kevin from the corner of his eyes and then turns his attention back to Beckett. "I know. Believe me." He clears his throat and jerks his thumb toward the kitchen door. "I was going to make us lunch, but I won't have enough time for anything more than a quick bite to eat before I have to go pick up Sarah. You guys want something?"

Beckett shakes her head, about to decline politely when Castle laughs. "Aw, you're playing housewife already?"

"Shut up. Kevin's the housewife." Esposito says, but he's smiling.

"Nu-uh, I don't think so." Ryan shakes his head. "You-."

"I _do_ think so," Esposito challenges. " _I'm_ the one that proposed to _you_ , Kev. That makes _me_ the man in this relationship."

Castle's and Beckett's heads whip up in surprise. Castle is the first to voice their shock. "I'm sorry. Is there something that _we_ missed today?"

Ryan and Esposito look confused for a moment until they realize their slip up. "Oh, well, Javi had a great idea to solve my pension issue." Ryan waves his hand, avoiding looking at either Castle or Beckett.

"Javier _proposed_ to you?" Beckett narrows her eyes, staring at the two.

"Yup." Ryan shifts on the couch and smiles up at her. "Grilled cheese and everything."

"How does-?"

Beckett interrupts Castle's question. "Are you _marrying_ Esposito to put him in charge of your pension?"

Ryan nods his head. "Good idea, huh?"

Just as Castle nods his head with a smile and says, "Yes!", Beckett shakes hers and says, "No!"

Beckett and Castle exchange looks before Beckett turns back to Ryan. "You guys are joking right? Please tell me you're _joking_."

"Beckett, what's wrong? Ryan's problem is fixed and we're all fine. We're more fine than we've been in a while." Esposito walks away from the kitchen door and joins the three by the couch.

"We're not all fine, Espo. You do realize what you're doing, if you get caught, you'll both be put in jail for a few years. Castle and I'll go in for a year just for knowing about what you two are doing." Beckett runs a hand through her hair.

"Beckett, we're not going to get caught. We _have_ to do this for Sarah Grace." Ryan narrows his eyes.

"If you are doing this for Sarah Grace, then tell me how you're going to take care of her through iron bars, Kevin. Because that's where this is heading." Beckett raises her eyebrows.

" _We're not going to get caught_ ," Ryan repeats. "This weekend we'll go to city hall and get our license and then I'll bring it down to the Pension Department. We just need witnesses, so we were wondering if you'd sign off on it for us…"

Beckett sighs. "Kevin, I understand what you're doing...but you'd be committing _fraud_."

"There's no way they'll catch us, Beckett. It's not like we'll suddenly start acting differently. If they do, then you had nothing to do with us, okay? Just tell them that you thought we were actually a thing. Half the precinct thinks so already." Esposito shrugs his shoulders, trying to end the argument diplomatically.

"We're in this together, okay? Kate, I get your concern, but what's the harm in trying? They can do this." Castle, obviously the optimistic one in their marriage, pipes up.

" _What's the harm_? They'll lose their jobs, Castle. If they're lucky." Beckett feels like she's the only one with her head on straight.

"We'll be okay," Esposito tries once more to convince her.

Beckett sighs and slumps in her seat. "I'm not going to be able to change your minds, am I?"

Ryan and Esposito simultaneously shake their heads and say, "Nope."

Beckett finally gives in. " _Fine_ , I'm in. But if something goes wrong, I'm the first that gets to say 'I told you so'."

* * *

Esposito pulls up in front of Sarah Grace's school, just as the bell rings to signal the end of the day. The doors burst open and a crowd of older kids rush out to their freedom. Espo decides to wait a moment in his car before attempting to get into the school or else he would definitely wind up trampled on.

After a moment or two, there's only a few kids left and they're walking at a normal speed so Esposito deems it safe to enter the building. He remembers the layout of her school easily from the previous times he's picked up Sarah Grace and heads to the first grade hallway.

Thankfully, the teachers are smart enough to keep the younger children in their classrooms until their parents come to pick them up. When Esposito enters Sarah's classroom, he sees he's one of the first parents to come to dismissal. His eyes roam around the classroom until he finds Sarah playing on the carpet with one of her friends.

"Detective Esposito, it's good to see you again."

Esposito turns his head to the source of the familiar voice and sees Sarah's teacher approaching him. "Same to you, Mrs. Nollen."

When she's close enough to whisper, she says, "I'm terribly sorry for what you've been going through. Please give Detective Ryan my best."

Esposito nods with a grateful smile. "Will do. He's feeling better, just not yet back to one-hundred-percent."

Mrs. Nollen looks over to where Sarah is sitting and hesitates. "You know...if it gets too much for Sarah, I understand if she skips a homework or doesn't feel like coming to school one day. It must be so hard on her."

Esposito shrugs his shoulders. "She knows her father's strong. But I think we'll pass on the hooky; Sarah needs the normality of going to school and coming home to do homework, you know? I don't want her thinking anything's wrong."

Mrs. Nollen smiles, seemingly proud of his response. "I understand."

Esposito turns back to the carpet when he hears his niece giggling. "Uncle Javi!" When she runs into his arms, he easily sweeps her off of her feet. "I didn't know you were picking me up today!"

"Surprise." Esposito grins and places a kiss to her cheek before settling her back to the ground next to her friend that followed her over. She looks familiar, but he can't place her name. "Who's this?"

Sarah grabs the girl's hand and smiles. "This is Abigail; she's my _best friend_."

Esposito crouches down and smiles warmly at the green eyed girl. "Hello, Abigail. I'm Sarah's Uncle Javi."

Abigail nods and her pigtails bounce. "I know, she always talks about you." Esposito's grin stretches just a bit more. "Did you really save her Daddy's life?"

Esposito pauses, caught off guard by the question, but his smile remains. "Yeah...he's my best friend and it's my job."

Jumping up and down, Abigail says, "I'd save Sarah's life, too."

Esposito chuckles and looks between the two. "I'm glad she's got a friend like you, then." Abigail bites her lip and nods. "Well, it was a pleasure meeting you Abigail. I hope to see you again."

Abigail smiles and runs off behind him to where her parents are waiting by the door. Esposito turns back to his niece. "Grab your backpack, let's head home before your Dad wonders where I disappeared to."

As the little girl runs off to her desk, Mrs. Nollen comes back to his side. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that next month is our career day for parents. If Detective Ryan isn't feeling well, then you can of course take his place. I just want you to know in advance so you both can decide." She nods her goodbye before walking back to greet the other parents.

Esposito watches as Sarah skips back with her small backpack in hand. He smiles softly; he'd be more than happy to come to Sarah's school on Parent Career Day, but that's Ryan's job. _He's_ her father, not him. And no matter how much that hurts to realize, he can't ever expect more (even if they're getting fake married).

Feeling Sarah slip her little hand in his, brings back his genuine smile. She looks up at him with big blue eyes and a gummy smile that never fails to melt Esposito's heart. He squeezes her hand softly as they walk into the hallway.

The hallway is just about empty, so Esposito clears his throat and says, "So, you talk about me, huh?"

"Yup." Sarah doesn't even stop her skipping to respond.

"All good things, I hope." Esposito tries to come off as carefree, but he's a little nervous to know what Sarah's spreading around school. It's a known fact that children have no filters.

"I tell her everything we do together and the stories that Uncle Rick tells me." Sarah shrugs her shoulders. "And one day she said she felt bad for me because I don't have a mommy anymore…" Sarah pauses and Esposito wants to nothing more than to scoop her up in a hug. "But, I told her it's okay because I have two Daddies."

Esposito stops in his tracks, his heart pounding. "W-What?"

Sarah looks up with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You take care of me just as much as Daddy does. Especially since...he went to the doctor…" It seems like Esposito isn't the only one still haunted by that. "And you both love me enough. So why can't I have two Daddies and a Mommy watching over us?"

Esposito swallows past the lump in his throat and kneels down so he's eye level with her. "There is _nothing_ wrong with that, sunshine. I think that's a great idea." He kisses her forehead before lifting her up and carrying her back out to the car.

Esposito sighs. _If only everyone were as understanding as a five-year old._

* * *

"Javi...what if she's right?" Ryan asks that night as him and Esposito lay down under the covers in bed. Ryan shifts to his side, but keeps his head laying on the thick pillow. His headaches have been getting better, but if he moves too fast, the lights are too bright or if there is too much noise the headache comes raging back full force.

Esposito's eyes peek open as he looks over to Ryan, his face is barely visible in the dark bedroom. "What're you talking 'bout?" His voice is laced with exhaustion and Ryan feels sorry for making him do everything. It's not fair, but as soon as he can, Ryan will make it up to his partner.

"If we get caught we go to jail. Who will watch Sarah if we're in jail?" Ryan says nervously.

He hears Esposito sigh softly. "Kev, we'll be fine. It won't be hard for us to pretend."

Ryan bites his lip, wanting to disagree, but he doesn't. Maybe this'll be easy for Esposito, but Ryan knows that when they start pretending to be a family, he won't want to stop. "If we do...I don't want you getting in trouble. I'll take the blame."

"No." Ryan is cut off by Esposito's stern voice and a firm hand encloses itself around his wrist. "We go down together when we fall. Got it?"

Ryan's upper lip curves into a small smile. "Yeah, Javi. I got it."

Esposito's grip loosens on wrist, but his hand doesn't move. "Good. Now get some sleep, okay?"

Ryan gets comfortable on his pillow again, but doesn't move his arm so that he doesn't lose his partner's hold. "Night, Javi."

"Goodnight, Kev."

* * *

Esposito scrunches his face in discomfort when he feels another kick to his shin. He turns and shifts, trying to get some space between himself and whoever's kicking him. After Esposito settles in his new spot, he hears a muted groan and remembers where he is. He's in Ryan's bed. So the only person that could be hitting him is his partner.

Esposito snaps his eyes open; he's getting used to be ready on the drop of a dime these past few days. He sits up and sees Ryan tossing and turning under the blankets. Esposito sticks his hand out to shake him awake, but Ryan doesn't react to his touch. He continues to mumble unintelligibly and makes an almost whining sound.

"Kev, wake up. It's just a nightmare." Esposito leans back down, closer to Ryan. When he grabs Ryan's incoming fist, his flailing decreases just enough to give him an idea. He cringes and doesn't think about any possible consequences before laying down and pulling Ryan into his arms.

He eases Ryan closer to him and slowly the Irishman's heart rate begins to return to its normal speed. Esposito half expects Ryan to push himself away, but instead he grabs onto Esposito's t-shirt like his life depends on it and buries his head in his chest. For a second, Esposito thinks that Ryan woke up and he'll have to explain this very compromising position, but Ryan doesn't move.

Esposito takes his hands off Ryan's back, in case Ryan does want to get his space back, even if subconsciously. He looks down to try and see if at least the discomfort is gone from his partner's face, but with Ryan's position all he can is the top of his head.

Knowing that the only way Ryan would stay in his arms is if he was asleep, Esposito relaxes back into his pillow and pulls Ryan back against his chest. He sighs and rests his chin just above Ryan's head. "Oh, Kev, what are we doing?"

And Esposito really wishes he knew because he can't pretend like this for much longer. He wants to hold Kevin like this when he's awake and not just to chase away the nightmares. But unless Esposito gets his shit together soon, he'll always be just playing a part.

* * *

It's a known fact that Ryan does not like to wake up early in the morning, but today he's just happy that he's waking up at a normal time and his head doesn't feel like it's being pounded with a hammer.

He smiles, which is a first for a morning, and opens his eyes slowly. He's surprised to see that Javier isn't lying in front of him, maybe he got up earlier. Ryan frowns and hopes that he'll come back soon; by the look of the light that is barely leaking through the window, they still have at least an hour or so before they have to wake up Sarah for school.

Ryan slowly blinks and realizes just why he didn't see his partner next to him in bed. Underneath Ryan's cheek is his partner's chest. Ryan gulps and loosens his grip, that he didn't knew he had, on Esposito's t-shirt. A million thoughts crash through his mind and he can't think straight.

Did _he_ cling to Javi in the middle of the night or was it the other way around? Esposito doesn't look like a cuddler, but he does tend to grab onto things when he's sleeping. Only, this wasn't just an accidental grab in the middle of the night; they're too close and their bodies are slotted perfectly together with even their legs tangled. This is so much more intimate.

As much as Ryan doesn't want to leave Esposito's warmth, but he knows he can't stay like this. If this was Ryan's fault, then when Esposito wake up he'll most definitely freak out.

Ryan starts with slipping his legs from in between Esposito's. But then he looks back to Javier's sleeping face, only inches away from his and wants to do nothing more than lay back down. Surely if he 'falls asleep' and Esposito wakes up, this situation can't be his fault...right?

With a heavy sigh, Ryan decides that he can't be so selfish and risk making their entire relationship awkward. He takes in one more moment of being in Javier's arms before he pulls himself away to the other side of the bed. Esposito shifts and grumbles under his breath at the loss of contact, but then goes back to his peaceful sleep.

Ryan spares one more moment to think about how easy it would be to just crawl back into Javier's arms and stay there. When the temptation gets to be too much, he decides he better get out of bed and distract himself.

Quietly, he makes his way from the bed to the bathroom. After the door is shut carefully, Ryan takes his time with his morning routine of showering, brushing his teeth, going to the bathroom and then fixing his hair before he enters the bedroom again. Esposito is still sleeping so Ryan makes sure he doesn't make a sound as he slips into a pair of sweats and t-shirt and then exits through the door with one last look at his partner.

An hour had passed by in the bathroom, so now Ryan doesn't feel as bad waking Sarah Grace up at such an early hour. Ryan can probably wake her up, get her dressed and feed her breakfast just in time to wake up Esposito to drive her to school. Esposito may need to drive her, but that doesn't mean that he needs to get her ready as well.

He walks into her room, the sunlight streaming through the window giving him enough light to see the piles of blankets and stuffed animal surrounding her. Ryan rolls his eyes, reminding himself for the upteenth time to try and convince Sarah to give away some stuffed animals that she didn't play with anymore. He shakes her shoulder gently and her eyes flutter open; unlike Ryan, she's easy to wake in the morning.

"Daddy?" She whispers, sleep still lacing her voice. She's probably surprised to see her father up and awake since the past few days he's been nothing but a lump in bed.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Ryan runs his fingers through her curls and caresses her cheek softly with his finger.

Sarah grins and her eyes open wider. "You're feeling better?"

Chuckling, Ryan scoops Sarah up in his arms. "Yes I am, baby girl."

She shakes excitedy in his arms and asks hopefully, "Can we have a fun day?"

Ryan shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Not today, you've got school. Maybe another day if you get dressed quickly for Daddy today. Does that sound like a deal?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" She wriggles in his arms until he drops her to her feet. He watches as she grabs her uniform and starts to change out of her pajamas.

He smiles and says, "While you get dressed, I'll start breakfast. Be quiet so you don't wake Uncle Javi yet."

Sarah listens and is dressed, sitting at the table munching on her only slightly burnt toast a handful of minutes later. If she wants to be on time, she'll have to leave in just under a half hour; she's all ready so Ryan deems it fair to wake up Esposito now.

"Finish your orange juice, I'll be right back." Ryan walks over to his shut bedroom door and enters without being as careful as earlier in the morning. He knocks loudly on the door as he walks in and announces, "C'mon, Javi. You've got designated driver duty this morning." As he passes the foot of the bed, Ryan shakes Esposito's leg.

"What?" He blinks his eyes several times before he looks coherent. "Kev? Why're you awake?"

Ryan rolls his eyes and sidesteps the question. "Sarah has school soon. Get your butt up."

Esposito's eyes shoot open and he pushes himself halfway up. "What time is it? Is she late?"

Ryan smiles and chuckles softly, glad that Esposito cares so much about his temporary duty of getting Sarah off to school. "A quarter to seven."

"Holy shit, why didn't you wake me up sooner? It'll take at least a half hour to get her dressed and then fed and then I have to drive her. She's going to be late!" Esposito is out of bed on his feet in the blink of an eye.

"Woah, slow down Speedy Gonzalez." Ryan places a hand on Espo's shoulder. "She's all dressed and ready. I'd drive her, but I'm not getting behind the wheel for the first time in days with my daughter in the car."

Esposito looks surprised for a moment, but he shakes his head and says instead, "Why didn't you just wake me up? You still need to rest."

Ryan scoffs. His partner can't ever take a break from mother henning, can he? "I'm fine, Javi. You were asleep, I was awake so I let you sleep. But, _now_ you need to get up and drive Sarah to school for me."

Esposito still looks upset that Ryan didn't wake him up, but he knows better than to argue about it. Instead he jokes, "Don't tell me she had to eat your food two days in a row."

Ryan rolls his eyes and slaps Esposito's shoulder lightly. "She always eats my food and has never _once_ complained."

"Yeah, maybe not to you."

Ryan narrows his eyes, but isn't upset. "Fine. Just because you said that _I'm_ making dinner tonight. So Sarah Grace can thank you as she _complains_."

Esposito laughs as he steps out of bed. "If I make it that long, you mean."

Esposito gets hit hard with a pillow before he's left alone to get changed.

* * *

The next few days pass by fairly quickly, but when Esposito goes back to work, Ryan finds being at home while his friends are working is unbearable. Alexis stops by a few times, but when he's alone he spends his time straightening up the already clean apartment and watching _Friends_ reruns on the television.

And of course, Esposito was more than hesitant to leave Ryan home alone, but by Friday he stopped calling every hour and stopping by the apartment during his lunch break. Ryan's headaches and fatigue are just about gone by the weekend. Just in time for Ryan and Esposito to tie the knot and get the papers down to the Pension Department.

Alexis comes by Saturday afternoon to watch Sarah, but they keep her in the dark about what they're up to. Sarah wants to come along to wherever they're going, but she's happy to stay with Alexis when she learns they're only going to do "grown-up" stuff.

"You know, this would be much more exciting if they realized this shouldn't be fake," Castle whispers in Beckett's ear as they walk up the steps to city hall.

Beckett turns to where Ryan and Esposito are walking side by side a few feet behind her. She then turns back to her husband and she whispers back, "They'll figure it out. Just don't say _anything_ in front of them, okay? They'll probably freak out and we'll be right back where we started."

Castle sighs, but doesn't disagree. Those two boys are the most stubborn, oblivious idiots he knows. It's obvious to everybody looking in that there's something more between them. Or rather the possibility of something more.

Ryan and Esposito pass him and Beckett to walk through the doors. "I wanna get this done before the department closes."

Castle shakes his head, but hastens his pace anyway. Ryan shouldn't want to rush this; this is something he should want to last forever. Kate keeps telling him that he should just give them space and time, but he can't handle it anymore. Watching them take turns staring at each with the regret filled eyes. Trying to ignore the sexual tension between the two. It's ridiculous. Years ago, back before he and Kate were a thing, they definitely weren't as bad as Ryan and Esposito. Probably.

Which is why Castle thinks that a little nudge in each other's direction is all they need. Castle has to admit that he deserves a pat on the back for his plan. He didn't tell Beckett though, just in case she wanted to turn it down.

Once Castle is inside, he sees that Ryan and Esposito are already at a front desk waiting for the woman to get all the necessary papers together. He slips past Beckett to stand next to Ryan. "Hey, Ry, I've got something for you guys."

Ryan looks at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Castle, you know we're just signing some papers, right? There's no walking down at the aisle or kissing the bride or crazy reception afterwards." Castle can see the disappoint in the Irishman's eyes as he says so.

Castle shrugs his shoulders. "I know, but you needed _something_ to show you're married." Castle sticks his hand in his pocket and pulls out the two rings he's been keeping an eye on since the day he had them made. The same day that Ryan and Esposito told them that they were 'getting married'. He holds out his hand, palm up with the two rings sitting there for Ryan to see.

Ryan gasps, not loudly, but enough to grab Esposito's attention. "Castle, what are those?" Esposito peers over his partner's shoulder to see what he's referring to and his eyes widen to match Ryan's.

"You two wouldn't have rings otherwise, so I asked the jeweler to melt you guys rings. And they're extra special." Castle grins, but Ryan and Esposito just stare at him in confusion. Castle huffs and rolls his eyes before explaining, "I asked CSU for the bullet. You know the one that," he paused to gesture at Ryan's head. "And they didn't need it for the investigation so he gave it to me and I went to a jeweller I've been going to ever since Alexis had her ears pierced. He melted down the bullet and mixed it with silver to make a set of rings."

Ryan was smiling softly down at the rings as Castle explains. At first, Castle was nervous about how Esposito would react to having the bullet that almost killed his partner. And now while he doesn't look upset, he doesn't look overjoyed either.

"I just thought that it would pretty ironic. You know? The thing that almost tore you two apart actually brought you together."

The three go silent and stare at Castle like they're surprised that he would say something like that. Or maybe they think it's stupid. Castle goes to retract his hand. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

Ryan quickly reaches out to grab Castle's wrist and with his free hand he carefully take the rings. "No. Thank you, Castle. Really." He's still smiling down at the rings, but he looks up to meet Castle's eyes. As Castle looks back, he can see the hope burn in Ryan's eyes.

Castle turns to Esposito hoping for the same reaction and is glad to see him with a small smile as well.

Ryan turns back to his partner and grabs his hand before slipping one of the rings on his finger. Silently, Esposito take the other and gingerly slips it onto Ryan's finger. They share a small smile.

Right then Castle knows without a doubt in his mind that he did the right thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a big thank you to my beta, TXMedic:)
> 
> Thank you for your kind feedback:) All of your reviews encourage me to write and update faster!
> 
> Until next time,


	14. Chapter 14

Ryan and Esposito drop the papers off at the Pension Department right after they sign off on their marriage certificate. The woman at the desk agrees to process his request and lets them know they'll hear from them again soon.

Over the next week, things really start to look up: Ryan's headaches dwindle to nothing, his stitches are out and he can stay awake for longer than four hours.

Esposito's out at work and Kevin still has an hour or so until Alexis drops off Sarah after school, so he is using the peace and quiet he has left in the day to relax. Naturally there has to be a knock at the door just as he sits down.

Ryan groans, but still stands up to go answer the door. On the other side is a man in a suit with a clipboard. Ryan raises his eyebrows. "Can I help you?

"My name is Tyler Warren from the Pension Department. I'm here about your newly filed domestic partnership," the man says with a no-nonsense tone. He looks down to refer to his notes before continuing, "Are you a Mr. Kevin Ryan or Javier Esposito?"

"I'm Kevin Ryan, but I don't understand. We filed our paperwork and we were approved." Kevin feels himself start to grow nervous.

"It's just standard procedure to make sure no one is lying or creating a fake relationship to get around the system." The man nods and Ryan hopes that the man can't see him swallow visibly. "Can I come in?"

Ryan blinks, snapping out of his trance. "Uh, yes, of course." He steps aside and gestures him to come in.

Warren walks in and glances around his apartment. Ryan holds his breath even though he knows there's nothing in sight that can give them away. "Is your husband home?"

"He's at work."

"I see," Warren says, but it doesn't sound like he's paying too much attention as he glances around the living room.

"Can we rearrange this to another time...maybe when Javi comes home?" Kevin would much rather have his partner with him. Kevin has never been a good liar.

"I'm already here; I'll just talk to you while he's not home." Warren picks up a photo of Jenny, Sarah, Javier and himself at Castle's house in the Hamptons. He turns to Ryan. "Who is the woman and little girl in this picture?"

Ryan licks his lips. "My late-wife and daughter."

Warren pauses and looks at Ryan. "I thought you were gay."

Ryan stays silent for a brief second before answering with a slight aggressive tone to the ignorant man. "I'm pansexual."

Warren laughed. "What? Are you attracted to _pans_ or something?"

Ryan doesn't find it funny. "No. My attraction to someone is not based on gender."

Staring at him like he has two heads, Warren says, "Okaaay." He clears his throat and puts the photo down. "If you don't mind taking a seat, I have a few questions for you. This may take a few moments."

Ryan nods numbly, but sits down anyway. "Sure, what would you like to know?"

"Javier Esposito is your partner- in work, correct?" Warren asks, pen ready in hand as he takes a seat.

"Yes, he is. Has been for 14 years," Ryan says carefully.

"Mm-hmm." Warren starts to scribble on his notepad. "And your Captain doesn't have a problem with your _relationship_?"

Ryan fidgets just the slightest. "We haven't told anyone except for two close friends. We haven't really changed our dynamic. We act just the same."

Warren raises his eyebrows. "So, you two are just married, but you don't actually have feelings for him?"

"What?" Ryan sits up straighter and gives a nervous chuckle. "No, that's not what I said. We don't change how we act in public, we don't let our relationship get in the way of our work."

"But at home…?"

Ryan furrows his eyebrows. "I don't see how that's any of your business, but yes, we are more open with each other in our own home. Just like any other couple."

Warren hums with a nod and scribbles some more. "Before you mentioned that only two others knew about your relationship, does that mean you're keeping it all a secret?"

"Not a secret, but you have to understand, Mr. Warren, not everyone would react too kindly to our relationship. It's just easier right now." Ryan is glad that he's so absorbed with his note-taking that he doesn't notice how nervous Ryan is.

Warren nods. "And the names of the two close friends?"

Ryan clears his throat, hoping he's not about to get Castle and Beckett in trouble. "Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett."

"Thank you, Detective." Warren smiled, standing up. Ryan hurried to follow Warren to his feet. "I'll be dropping by every now and then for the next few days. I'll have to catch your partner when he's home."

"Can I leave you with my number and we can arrange a time good for all of us-?"

"That won't be needed. I'll be back later." He smiled, walking to the front door. "Until next time, Detective."

Ryan nods with a tight smile as he opens the door for him. It stays on his face until Warren is out of his apartment with the door shut behind him. With no reason left to remain stoic, he lets out a shaky breath.

He needs a drink and he needs Javi, but he can't have either right now. He has to wait for Sarah Grace and he doesn't want her to worry about him. He isn't sure where all the time went, but soon there is a soft knock at the door before it is swinging open.

"Hey, Kevin, we're back!"

Ryan blinks, barely registering the footsteps coming closer. Sarah runs into his lap and giggles. "Hi, Daddy."

Ryan kisses her cheek, but is too distracted to say anything. Sarah doesn't seem to notice and starts to tell her dad all about her day. But Alexis does.

"Kevin, are you okay?" She asks, her voice full of concern. "You look a little pale."

"M'fine," Ryan says, but not very believable.

"I know I have a tutoring session in a few minutes, but I can reschedule and stay here until Javier gets off from work."

"No, no," Ryan says quickly, looking up at Alexis to try and convince her he's fine.

"Kevin…" Alexis trails off uncertainly.

Ryan smiles weakly. "Go, Alexis. I'm sure."

"Okay, but promise me you'll call me or Javier if you feel sick." She looks towards the kitchen. "You know what? I'm going to grab you a glass of water before I leave, okay?"

Ryan nods numbly and holds Sarah close in his arms as she babbles on. He doesn't want to lose her all over a stupid mistake.

Alexis comes back with a glass of water and she puts it on the side table. "Are you sure you'll be okay."

Ryan tries to give her a more sincere smile. "I'm sure. Javi'll be home in few hours. You have to get to the library before you're late."

"Only if you're positive." Alexis raises her the typical responsible young woman she is, she wants to make sure he's okay before leaving.

"I'm sure."

Alexis smiles and places a kiss to the top of his head. "I'll see you tomorrow. First day back on full time duty."

"See you tomorrow, Alexis." He watches as Alexis disappears down the hall and he hears his front door open and shut.

Once again he's alone, except for Sarah Grace, and his smile is gone. He's so tired of pretending to be happy. He just wants to be happy again like he was before all of his messes. Before when he wasn't risking jail time for his family and abandoning his daughter.

Ryan feels himself start to grow shaky and he doesn't want to break down in front of his daughter. She's still telling him about her art project, unaware of her father's rising panic attack, so Ryan interrupts her. "Honey, I'm going to run to the bathroom. Can you stay here for a moment and play until I can come back out and start your homework?"

She stares at him, as if she wants to say something, but just nods and gets off his lap. When Ryan is off the couch and almost to the bathroom door, she calls out, "Are you okay, Daddy?"

Ryan takes a deep breath before responding, "I'm fine, baby girl."

But he's not fine and he knows this as he stares at himself in the mirror. At the moment, he doesn't like the face he sees staring back at him. There are bags under his dull eyes and his hair is still messy from the shower he took this morning. It was nice to be get clean once the stitches were out. But now they left behind an empty patch of hair and an ugly scar. A scar that makes Ryan think of that night with the loud gunshot.

He doesn't remember much of what happened before he fell. But he's seen the news, read the reports and has pieced together enough to fill his memory. And his dreams create their stories and endings that leave Ryan waking up in a cold sweat.

All because of the bullet and the nasty scar.

And now his lopsided haircut would always remind him as well. His hair wouldn't grow from the scar tissue and now he has a strip of hair missing from where the doctors _had_ to shave it. It didn't look as bad with the bandage, but now there's nothing but an ugly scar.

* * *

Esposito rushes inside as fast as he can twist the key in the lock. His heart is racing as he looks around the apartment. "Kevin?" He calls. "Kevin, where are you?"

He hopes to find him asleep on the living room couch, but instead Sarah is there playing with her doll. She looks up when Esposito comes in front of the couch. "Daddy's in the bathroom."

Javier nods and runs to the bathroom door. He knocks loudly. "Kevin, are you in there?" There's no immediate reply and Esposito is about to knock again when he hears Ryan finally answer.

"Yeah, Javi."

His voice sounds rough and like he's upset and it doesn't ease Esposito's worry. "I'm coming in," he says, hoping Kevin didn't lock the door. The doorknob twists open and Esposito lets out a sigh of relief.

"Kevin, are you okay? Alexis just called and said you looked sick…" Esposito trailed off, watching Ryan's shaking form as one hand gripped the countertop and the other held an electric razor in the other.

Esposito slowly steps forward. "Kevin, come on, what's wrong?" Esposito makes sure to shut the door behind him so Sarah doesn't hear them.

Ryan raises the hand with the razor. "Was just trying to fix it. Stupid scar. Stupid doctors."

Esposito looks down at the sink where some of Ryan's brown hair is discarded. He feels a weight off his chest when Esposito realizes he was just cutting his hair. Even though he knows Ryan will be pissed at himself later on when he calms down, a bad haircut is easier to fix than anything else stupid Ryan could have done when feeling like this.

"What'd you do?" Esposito asks softly, closing a hand around Ryan's wrist.

Ryan stares up at him and Esposito hates to see tears filling his blue eyes. "My hair, it looked stupid with one part shaved."

Esposito raises his eyebrows and looks at the newly trimmed strip of hair just under his scar. "So you decided to give yourself a haircut?" He lifts his hand to run his fingers through Ryan's hair. "I thought you liked it long."

Ryan nods and stares at himself in the mirror. "I like it long. I don't like what the doctors did."

Esposito sighs. "But, Kevin, they needed-."

"I know. They needed to cut it for the damn stitches that'll leave that stupid scar." Ryan narrows his eyes in the mirror.

"Is your hair what was really bothering you?"

Ryan's eyes fall down to stare his hands, both now gripping the countertop with white knuckles. "I...don't know. I'm just tired of being afraid to close my eyes at night and I'm tired of jumping at every loud sound." He squeezes his eyes shut and a pair of twin tears fall down his cheeks.

Esposito realizes that this is the first time that Ryan has spoken about what happened to him. He always acted so strong about it that Esposito forgot how haunted Ryan must actually be. "Kevin, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know." Ryan shakes his head. "I thought it would go away after a while."

"You need to talk to someone about it. And that's what I'm here for." Esposito steps closer, pulling Ryan into his arms.

"I wanted to be strong. I'm a cop. Cops don't jump at the slamming of a door."

"Some do. And for now, you're going to. And that's okay. You'll get better and I'll help you, okay?" Esposito wipes away the tears from Ryan's cheeks. "C'mon, don't cry, corazon."

As soon as the word leaves his mouth, Esposito freezes. He's lucky that Ryan doesn't understand Spanish, but that doesn't change the fact that Esposito still said it. Esposito clears his throat and steps away, looking at the damage Ryan did to his hair. "Well, you could always wear a hat," he tries to joke.

Ryan sniffles and looks sadly at his reflection. "It looked stupid before, too. Doesn't matter, it won't grow back."

Esposito frowns. "Just the scar won't grow any hair, but you can easily cover it once your hair around it grows back. You may have to wait a few extra weeks because you cut more of it."

"I was upset."

"Next time you're upset watch your Bachelor reruns and yell at the tv for bad choices during the rose ceremony." Esposito huffs as he inspects Ryan's hair and Ryan continues to stay quiet. "I can shave the sides of your hair so they're even with what you shaved. I'm not going to match the doctor's original unless you want to be bald."

"I can wear a hat."

Esposito sighs. "You don't have to hide it, Ryan. I think it's pretty cool."

Ryan just shrugs his shoulders before going still enough to let Esposito start to cut his hair. For a few moments, the buzzing of the razor is the only thing that fills the silence. Until Ryan speaks up. "I'm sorry," he whispers and Esposito just barely hears him.

"For what?"

"I should have kept my cool or-."

"Don't apologize. You know, for one to always talk about feelings, I'm surprised it took you so long to talk about this. If you kept it in any longer you would've exploded."

"I was doing okay...enough to ignore it, but this afternoon a man from the Pension Department came over."

Esposito stops shaving Ryan's hair for a second. "What did he want?"

"He said it was procedure, but he was asking me all these questions about our relationship. To make sure we weren't lying."

"Shit," Esposito curses as he starts on the other side of Ryan's head.

"I know." Ryan fidgets with his t-shirt. "What if he figures us out?"

"Did you say anything that would give us away?"

"No."

"Then we have nothing to worry about. We'll be fine, Kev." Esposito says, hoping to reassure his partner.

"The investigation is just gonna last a few days. He wants to talk to you, too."

Esposito shrugs his shoulders with a small grin. "We'll get out of this, Kev. We always do."

Esposito finishes the last section of Ryan's hair before putting the razor down. Ryan's looking down at his feet, so Esposito lifts his head up by his chin. "Looking good, Kevin Ryan."

His hair was shorter on the sides, but his usual length on top. It wasn't one of Ryan's better haircuts, but it wasn't horrible.

"If I got you out of your horrible haircut, I can do anything."

* * *

The next morning Ryan is up before Esposito or Sarah. His nerves couldn't let him fall back to sleep. Today is his first day back after the accident. He isn't going out to chase killers down the darkest alleys; Gates' wants to keep him on desk duty for a few days. And while Kevin already can tell he's going to go crazy just sitting around, it's for the best.

Alexis comes over and gets Sarah up and ready for school with no trouble. The girls wave goodbye to Esposito and Ryan as they head off to work.

Ryan keeps his Yankees ball cap on his head and no amount of pleading from Esposito can get him to take it off.

"You ready?" Esposito asks as the elevator starts to ascend to the homicide floor.

Ryan scrunches his eyebrows. "For what? Paperwork?"

Esposito rolls his eyes. "It's your first day back. Are you ready for all the cheering and welcoming back?"

"I don't know, Javi. I'll just hide at my desk. No one will bother me." Ryan shrugs his shoulders.

"You're crazy if you think that's true. And don't act like you don't want the attention. You always love your 10 seconds of fame when someone realizes you're Raley." Esposito grins and nudges Ryan's shoulder.

"This is different."

"No, it's not. Just take a deep breath, hold your head up high and smile."

Ryan nods. He can always count on Esposito's advice to help him get through tough times. So he takes a deep breath, holds his head high and puts the smallest of smiles on his face just as the elevator doors open.

He doesn't get a second of silence to sneak to his desk before he's surrounded by claps and cheers. Ryan's eyes widen and part of him wants to shrink in on himself. But then he looks over at Esposito's comforting, steadying smile and Ryan's smile grows. Because Javier is proud of him. And that's the only reason Ryan needs.

"Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!" Ryan hears nobody else, but Castle chanting his name as he stands on his and Esposito's desks. Beckett is glaring at him, so Ryan figures she probably turned him down when he wanted to stand on hers.

Soon the entire bullpen joins in and Ryan finds it harder to get through the crowd around him as they pat his shoulders and give him high fives. He makes it back to his desk just as Gates walks out of her office. Ryan holds his breath, waiting for a scolding when she surprises him with a smile. "Welcome back, Detective Ryan." And then she starts to control the rowdy crowd. "Detectives! Back to work. Save him the headache and give him a chance to breath." She gives Castle a pointed look as she steps back into her office.

The crowd disperses and some detectives pass by Ryan on their way to their desks just to clap him on the back. Ryan's relieved that it's not as loud and overwhelming as it was now that it's just the four of them. He turns to Beckett with a smile. "So that's what that feels like, huh?"

Beckett tweaks the rim of his ballcap with a wink. Ryan swats her hand away and fixes his hat. "I thought you didn't like anything touching your hair?"

Esposito answers that with a roll of his eyes. "He thinks because the doctors shaved his head, he looks stupid."

Beckett grins down at Ryan. "Oh, come on, if Castle comes come to work everyday without a bag over his head I think you should be fine, Ry."

Castle crosses his arms. "I am going to ignore that, Detective Beckett. Mostly because I'm too busy thinking about the big party tonight."

Beckett's eyes widen. "Party? What the hell are you talking about, Castle?"

Castle waves his hand. "It's nothing big- just a celebration at The Old Haunt. Our Ryan's back and that calls for drinks," Castle says loudly causing some nearby detectives to clap. Beckett hides her head in her hand as Castle stands up again. "There will be a party at my bar tonight at eight! Drinks on the house!"

There's an eruption of cheers as Castle sits back down. "Maybe I shouldn't have offered free drinks…" Beckett rolls her eyes. "But I can already tell this is going to be worth it."

* * *

And it turns out to be quite the celebration. About the entire 12th precinct shows up, not just the homicide floor and a few others weren't cops at all. Castle tried to keep it to just NYPD, but then a few cops wanted to bring friends and they came along.

Ryan seems to be having a good time as person after person stops for his picture or even autograph the newspaper cover his story was on. Esposito only grows more annoyed as each girl comes over to their table to flirt with Ryan- no matter how uninterested he looks.

He left their small table in the back corner a few minutes ago to get more drinks, but Castle, Beckett and Esposito watch as a brunette woman with a dress that didn't have much cloth to it keeps him from returning to their table.

Esposito glares at the woman as she once again practically sticks her breasts in his partner's face. She isn't the first girl to try and get in Ryan's pants, but she is the most persistent.

"Instead of pouting over here, Espo, why don't you go over and save him." Beckett stares at him with raised eyebrows.

Esposito rips his gaze away from the bar. "What are you talking about? He's probably waiting for her number."

Beckett laughed. "Really, Epso? You think Ryan is interested in her?"

Esposito shrugs his shoulder. Of course he knows his partner would never be interested in any girl that threw themselves on him, but Ryan hasn't had a date or even slept with anyone in over 5 years. Maybe he's looking for someone to spend the night with.

Castle rolls his eyes. "'Sito, if I was in his shoes maybe I would take the bait, but we both know our Kevin Ryan would never. You really think he's gonna bring her home to Sarah?"

"So Romeo, how about you go save Juliet so we can get our drinks sometime tonight." Beckett kicks his shin and nods her head towards Ryan.

Esposito feels himself blush. "It's not like that. I'm not jealous-."

"Yeah, and the Pope isn't Catholic. Just get over there."

Esposito turns back to his partner just as he looks over to their table with a face screaming for help. Finally, Esposito stands up and walks over to the bar. The woman is so busy sticking out her chest and running a hand down Ryan's arm, she doesn't see Esposito coming.

"What's taking so long with the drinks, Kev?" Esposito asks, innocently.

Ryan looks relieved that his partner is there. "I was-."

The woman turns daggers on Esposito. "Listen, buddy, we'll send your drinks over in a minute. Me and Blue Eyes are trying to have a conversation." She pulls Ryan closer to her.

That does it for Esposito. He wraps an arm around Ryan's waist and pulls him gently out of the woman's arm. "That's nice, but I think I'd like to spend the night with my husband."

The woman looks from Ryan to Esposito and then to the ringed finger that Esposito is holding up for her to see. She turns to find a matching ring on Ryan's finger and shrieks. "You're gay? I can't believe you let me go on and embarrass myself like that!"

"I tried to-."

"Just forget it, asshole." She storms off out of the bar without a glance back.

Once she's gone, Esposito laughs. "Women, 're crazy."

Ryan smiles. "I'm gonna tell Beckett you said that."

Esposito stays still for a moment, enjoying holding Ryan close. But then he realizes they're in a bar full of cops and he's still got his arm around Ryan's waist. Esposito clears his throat and backs away quickly. "Come on, Castle and Beckett are waiting for their drinks."

Ryan nods his head slowly. "Yeah, okay," he says softly. He sounds disappointed and for a second Esposito thinks he made the wrong decision on pushing away the girl. But that's ridiculous because Ryan obviously wasn't into her.

Castle interrupts Esposito's thoughts when they return to their table. "I was starting to think we were never gonna get our drinks."

"And I thought I was never going to get away alive." Ryan smiles as he sits down in the booth next to Esposito. He shivers. "She was looking at me like she could see through my clothes."

"How about next time we celebrate privately in the loft," Beckett offers, even though she enjoyed watching Ryan squirm with that woman.

"Sounds good to me," Ryan says. "Because if I see one more camera flash I think I'll go blind."

The others laugh as they raise their glasses for one last toast of the night.

* * *

The next morning starts off fine at work. Ryan is at his desk working through financials for their vic on a case. Ryan doesn't know much about it and he's not allowed to go out in the field yet, but he offers to help with the tech. Esposito is sitting by his desk to keep him company and Castle is bugging Beckett by the murder board.

And then Gates is standing in her doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, looking aggravated. She clears her throat. "Detectives Ryan and Esposito, can I see you in my office?"

Ryan and Esposito exchange a look before standing from their desks. Beckett and Castle pause to watch them enter the captain's office as well. They close the door behind them and stand in front of Gates' desk.

"I had a visitor this morning, gentlemen," she starts as she goes behind her desk. "Tyler Warren from the NYPD Pension Department."

Ryan stands a little straighter as the color drains from his face. Esposito speaks up first, "Sir, we can explain-."

Gates raises her hands. "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know anything about it; I want complete deniability. But I still have to say if your _relationship_ gets in the way of work I will have to separate you two."

"You don't need to do that, Sir." Ryan quickly shakes his head. "Javi's the best partner I've ever had."

"Then let's keep it between you two and out of the paper."

"I'm sorry, the what?" Esposito sputters.

Gates picks a paper off the desk and hands it to Esposito. Esposito skims the article she has the paper open to. " _NYPD Detectives- Partners in More Ways Than One_. What the hell is this?"

Ryan peers over his shoulder. "It's about us last night at The Old Haunt. Why would someone write about that?"

Gates huffs. "I don't know, but I'm going to have one hell of a time explaining this to the Commissioner."

"Tell him it must be a mistake," Esposito says.

"That's going to be hard, considering there's a picture of you with your arm around Detective Ryan!" Gates pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Okay, that was just to get the creepy girl away from Kevin," Esposito says and Ryan nods beside him.

"With matching rings?"

Esposito's eyes widen. "That's in there, too?" Then his face darkened. "That bitch must have leaked stuff after she left the bar."

Gates sighs. "I understand that it's hard for you now that you've finally realized what you both feel is real. But for both of your sakes, _please_ just keep it low until Ryan's 15 minutes of fame are over."

Esposito and Ryan blink. Did the Captain think they were _really_ together? Then what did she want complete deniability for if not for the lie? "Um, Captain?"

Gates shakes her head. "I don't want to discuss this any further. Get back to work."

Ryan and Esposito hesitate before walking towards the door. "Dude," Ryan whispers to Esposito as they walk into the bullpen.

"I know," Esposito replies.

"So, what was that about?" Castle asks nosily as soon as they're back at their desk. "Did you get in trouble or was it just about more reporters wanting to talk to Ryan?"

Esposito wordlessly drops the paper to the desk and Castle picks it up. He grins the second he looks at the paper. "Hope you weren't trying to hide your marriage." Castle winks.

Beckett looks over Castle's shoulder and then to the boys. "I told you this was going to bite you in the ass."

"We'll be fine, Beckett. Soon this will all blow over and nobody will even remember us." Esposito tries to reassure her, and maybe himself as well.

"And when everyone forgets about this, I will show them the proof. A neat little scrapbook entitled, _Rysposito in the paper_!" Castle announces proudly, already cutting out the article and pictures.

"Rysposito?" Ryan scrunches his nose.

"Yeah, like Roach but only with your names." Castle doesn't pause his cutting.

Esposito likes the sound of his and Ryan's name together, but he pushes that thought out of his head. "What are you doing with that, Castle?"

"I told you: I'm saving every article in the paper about you and Ryan so when Sarah's older I can show her." Castle grins. "I think she'll find it funny to see how easily jealous you get."

"I wasn't jealous," Esposito says, watching Ryan's reaction out of the corner of his eye. He just looks amused.

"Uh-huh," Castle says, dubiously. "I've only got the first few articles about the accident and this once, but I can tell it will grow. Maybe I can call as an anonymous witness to the marriage."

Esposito leans forward. "I will kill you, Castle."

"Lighten up, Espo. Soon we'll all look back at this and laugh." He paused and pretended to think for a moment. "Well, actually Beckett and I are already laughing, but you'll join in soon."

"How are we supposed to laugh when our _captain_ is grateful that we finally found each other?" Esposito shakes his head.

Castle laughs even harder. "No way! Man, this just gets better and better."

Esposito and Ryan continue to glare at Castle as he laughs his ass off. He actually starts to cry from laughing so much when another detective walks by with the paper in hand.

"Did my invitation get lost in the mail, boys?" He asks with a smirk. He doesn't say it maliciously, or else Esposito would be pounding his head in the wall. It's the regular and even expected 'cop humor'.

He isn't the only one that badgers them about the article. By the end of the day, even Ryan is ready to kill whoever wrote that article. He's glaring at his computer and Castle finds it more amusing than threatening.

"How about this: after work we'll all settle down with a few beers at The Old Haunt," Castle suggest with a grin.

Ryan looks away from his computer to look at Castle with a sigh. "I can't, Castle. Sarah is at home waiting for me. Friday is movie night and Alexis is going to a concert with her friend tonight."

"Hey," Esposito says, sitting down next to Ryan. "Why don't we all head to Ry's place? Sarah's been asking to see Castle and Beckett. I can make us some dinner and we can pick something up for dessert. Sarah'll love it."

Beckett watches Ryan carefully. "But, if you just want to go home and relax then we can get together another night."

Ryan shakes his head and says, "No, it'll be fun and a nice break from all this-."

"Hey, so who took whose last name?"

Ryan rolls his eyes as Castle snorts and feeds the birds with Karpowski as she walks by.

"You really need to encourage them, Castle?" Esposito narrows his eyes, but there's no heat behind it. Castle just shrugs his shoulders.

"Let's go before we make Alexis late," Ryan says shutting down his computer.

"Or before Esposito kills somebody." Beckett smirks as she pats Esposito on the shoulder.

He stands up and the three start towards the elevator, but not without more jabs from the other detectives still in the bullpen. Castle can't stop laughing and Ryan pushes Esposito quickly into the elevator before he can do anything.

Esposito would never hurt any of them though because it was all in good fun and he knows that. On the other hand, if someone ever decided to be that rude to him or Ryan because they're homophobic, they'd be picking their teeth up off the floor.

"Castle, you know what they say: karma's a bitch. Just wait til you get yours." Esposito glares at the now shut elevator doors.

Castle quirks an eyebrow. "You don't frighten me, Espo-."

Esposito pretends to lunge at the writer and he flinches against the wall. Esposito straightens himself and raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, sure I don't, buddy."

Castle straightens his jacket and clears his throat. He sees Beckett staring unimpressed at him. "I was just pretending so he didn't feel bad."

Beckett rolls her eyes with a smile. "Of course you were."

* * *

"Castle and Beckett are on their way over," Ryan tells Esposito as he walks into the kitchen. "They just stopped to pick up some ice cream before they get here."

"The chicken is almost done." Esposito flips a piece of chicken in front of him. He wanted to make an elaborate Puerto Rican meal, but he didn't have time.

"And don't forget the Mac and Cheese, Uncle Javi!" Sarah calls out as she continues to set the table.

Esposito turns around to face Ryan. "Ah, how could I forget Mac and Yellow Food Dyes 5 and 6 from a cardboard box?"

Ryan grins as Esposito turns back to the stove. The scene in front of him with Javi cooking a meal and Sarah setting the table is so painfully domestic Ryan wants to walk up behind Javier and wrap his arms around his waist and kiss the curls behind his ear.

He imagines the scene so vividly that it hurts to come back to reality where he and Esposito are only pretending to be a couple. He walks over to help Sarah fold the napkins, but tries to keep his disappoint from showing. Sarah can pick up on his emotions very easily.

A knock at the door grabs Ryan's attention just as Esposito is bringing the chicken over to the table. "That's Castle and Beckett," he says before walking out of the kitchen into the living room. Hopefully the company will be a good distraction.

He opens the door and lets Castle and Beckett inside. His apartment isn't as big and luxurious as their loft, but they don't mind. Castle sniffs the air and grins. "Mmm, what's Espo cooking tonight?"

Ryan smiles and they follow him to the kitchen. "Chicken and Mac and Cheese."

Esposito looks up just they walk through the kitchen doorway. "I wanted it to be homemade with bacon and breadcrumbs on the top, but Mr. Pessimistic said there wasn't enough time. So excuse the cardboard taste."

Castle shrugs his shoulders as he walks towards the freezer to put away the ice cream. "I grew up on Kraft and I still love it."

Esposito stares over at Castle. "That explains so much."

Castle rolls his eyes before taking a seat at the table. "So you're that parent that boycotts Kraft because it's so delicious."

Esposito glares over at the writer as he takes his own seat next to Ryan. "No. I just think home cooked is better...and free of carcinogens." Castle just shrugs his shoulders and takes a large spoonful of his Mac and Cheese.

Ryan turns to help Sarah cut her chicken into pieces, but Esposito is already doing it and Ryan can't help when his lips curl into a smile. He watches for a few seconds as Esposito carefully cuts the chicken into Sarah sized bites, but continues his argument with Castle why Kraft isn't the healthiest of choices.

This is how Ryan wants it every night; his family safe and sound, sitting around the dinner table together. And even though he and Javier aren't together, he doesn't want him anywhere else than right beside him, making dinner so Ryan can't poison Sarah Grace with his cooking anymore.

Ryan turns away from his partner, so he doesn't notice his staring. He looks over to Beckett who is smiling smugly at him. Okay, so, she noticed. He feels his cheeks burn, but thankfully she doesn't make a big deal about it and goes back to her dinner.

Castle's disturbingly dirty moan catches Ryan's attention. He looks over to the writer and sees him looking down at his plate with wide eyes. He finishes chewing and turns to Esposito. "'Sito, if the whole detective thing doesn't work out, you can come work for me as my personal chef."

Esposito rolls his eyes, but smiles. "It's just fried chicken. You should taste Mama's food- mine doesn't even compare."

Castle's eyes brighten. "She's cooking for your next birthday party. I will eat nothing else."

"She makes a mean mofongo," Ryan says to Castle with a grin.

Castle looks offended. "She makes you food?"

"Every time I come over," he replies smugly.

Castle narrows his eyes at Ryan and opens his mouth to say something, but a knock at the door interrupts him. Ryan looks around the table; everyone that visits him is sitting here. "Maybe Alexis forgot something." He stands up from the table, but doesn't believe his excuse.

Ryan walks over to the front door and opens it up to see the last person on Earth Ryan wanted to see on his front stoop.

"Good evening, detective," Tyler Warren says with a nauseating smile.

And just like that, Ryan's perfect night is ruined.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for TXMedic for beta-ing:)
> 
> Thank you to everyone that likes, follows and especially reviews. I love you all:) 
> 
> Until next time, 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is some homophobic language in this chapter

 

"Am I interrupting something?" Warren asks as Ryan leads him into the kitchen. The new voice catches the attention of everyone at the table.

"No. We're just having dinner. It's, uh, movie night." Ryan clears his throat before introducing him to the others. "This is Tyler Warren from the Pension Department."

Beckett and Castle look surprised at first, but quickly wipe it from their faces so Warren doesn't grow suspicious. Esposito's eyes harden. "Can we help you?" He takes his time standing up from his chair and looks down on Warren.

Warren grins. "You must be Javier Esposito." He holds his hand out, but Esposito hesitates before shaking his hand firmly.

"Kevin told me you stopped by. Though I don't understand why, seeing as we've done nothing wrong." Esposito crosses his arms over his chest.

"Oh, he did? Well, yes I was over earlier with some questions." Warren looks over to Castle and Beckett. "And you must be Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle."

"That would be us," Beckett replies shortly.

Warren gestures to the table. "Are you done or should I give you a few moments to finish before I ask a few questions?"

"We were getting ready for dessert." Ryan starts to clear the table off so he can avoid Warren as much as he can.

"Uncle Castle and Aunt Katie brought over ice-cream," Sarah says as she continues to chew her chicken.

Warrens turns to face the little girl sitting in her chair on her knees. "That sounds delicious."

Sarah nods her head, waving her fork around. "If you want delicious, you should try Uncle Javi's chicken."

Kevin tries to catch her slip, but he's too late. "Sarah, sweetie, don't talk with your mouth full."

" _Uncle_ Javi?" Warren asks, taking a seat next to Sarah Grace.

She nods her head with a scrunched nose. She points up to Esposito. "Uncle Javi has been sleeping over and he makes dinner because Daddy burns everything."

Ryan is too busy exchanging a panicked look with Esposito to acknowledge the insult. They hadn't told Sarah they are 'married'- she still assumes Esposito is just staying over while Ryan gets better.

"Uncle Javi has been sleeping over?" Warren asks pulling out his notebook.

Ryan immediately rushes forward. "Woah, you said you came here to ask my husband a few questions, not my daughter."

"I thought while you and _Uncle Javi_ got her ice cream ready, I could ask her a few questions to help with my investigation." Warren smiles. "We'll only be a few minutes in the living room."

Ryan starts to protest, but Warren cuts him off. "Unless, you have something to hide…"

"No, of course not, but I don't think questioning her is necessary."

"I'm all for questions," Castle cuts in, trying to help Ryan. "I know all their juicy secrets, just ask."

Warren barely casts a glance over at Castle. "Later. But I think I'd like to talk with _Sarah_ first. That is, if it's okay with her father." He looks up at Ryan.

Ryan bites his lip and he wants to wrap Sarah up in his arms and never let her go. But if he holds onto to her too tightly, that may just get her taken away. He nods his head hesitantly. "10 minutes tops."

Warren smiles and stands up from his seat. He gives Sarah a comforting smile. "Come follow me into the living room while they get your ice cream ready."

Sarah puts her fork down on her empty plate. "I can't. It's my turn to clear the table."

"Mr. Castle will be more than happy to take over your job," Warren says.

Sarah looks uncertainly to Ryan. "Go ahead, baby, just answer a few questions and then you can have the biggest bowl of chocolate ice cream you want." He tries to keep his voice steady.

Her big blue eyes meet his for a long moment before she finally turns to follow Warren out of the kitchen. She casts one last look over her shoulder at Ryan before she disappears from the doorway.

The moment she's gone, Ryan feels a hand on his arm. "Kev, she'll be fine. She'll answer a few questions and then she can come back in."

Ryan nods his head. "But, you saw him. He knows Sarah can slip...and if she does we're all screwed."

"You'll be okay, Ryan," Castle says as he brings their dirty plates to the sink. "If he asks her anything and she doesn't know how to respond, you can easily say you didn't let her in on your relationship yet."

Ryan stares at the door. "I know and if I didn't let her talk then we'd look even more suspicious. I just don't like my baby girl being alone with him when he's out to get us."

* * *

Sarah follows the man into the living room. He keeps smiling at her, but she doesn't like him. He made her dad and Uncle Javi upset. She could see it on their faces. But her dad wouldn't let her talk with him unless he needs her to, so she knows she has to help

He takes a seat on the couch- her dad's usual spot- and he pats the cushion next to him. She wrinkles her nose, but sits down anyway with space between them. "You don't mind me asking a few questions, do you?" He asks in a voice that makes her feel like a baby. But, she isn't; she's a big girl.

"Okay." She plays with a loose thread on her dress nervously.

"So you live here with your dad, right?"

"And Uncle Javi," Sarah says and watches as the man starts to scribble quickly in his notebook. "He's been living here since Daddy got hurt."

"And only since he went to the hospital?" He pauses his writing.

Sarah shakes her head. "Uncle Javi always sleeps over. Him and Daddy hang out a lot."

"Now they're hanging out a lot because they're married. Did you know that?" He puts down his notepad to look her in the eyes.

Sarah has to think about that question. She doesn't really understand how marriages work except that you have to love someone very much to want to spend the rest of your life together. Her dad loved her mom when they were married and he still loves her now. But she also sees the way that he looks at Uncle Javi and she's pretty sure her dad loves Uncle Javi just as much as he loves her mom. Which is okay because Sarah loves Uncle Javi and she would love to have him as a second daddy.

"Sarah?" The man, Tyler she thinks she remembers her dad calling him, says and reminds her that she was asked a question.

"Daddy didn't tell me," she answers honestly.

Tyler smiles. "Are you surprised?"

Right away Sarah says, "No."

His eyebrows furrow. "You're not surprised that your dad and Uncle Javi are married?"

"No." Her heart stutters and she wonders if she said the wrong thing. "Am I supposed to be?"

"No, no, no." He clears his throat and flips through his notepad for a few seconds before continuing. "Do you see them hug or kiss?"

Sarah wrinkles her nose. Her dad can love whoever he wants, but she still thinks watching him kiss- or anyone kiss- is kind of gross. "They hug sometimes, but I don't see them kiss."

He smiles again, but it doesn't look like a nice smile. Sarah doesn't like this man. "So Uncle Javi has to sleep on the couch then."

"What?" Sarah has no clue where he got that idea from. She's tired of his dumb questions. "He sleeps with Daddy."

"He sleeps with your father?"

Isn't that what she just said? "They let me snuggle with them sometimes too...can I go now? I wanna go see my daddy…" She fidgets in her seat and looks back to the kitchen. He makes her nervous with all of his questions.

"Of course, sweeties, just one more question...does your daddy love your Uncle Javi?"

Sarah is only five-years old; she doesn't know much about love. She's only seen it in movies and she saw it between her mom and dad. But she doesn't need to know all about love to know her dad and Uncle Javi share it. "Yes, they love each other. Very much."

* * *

"Do you think she said anything to him?" Ryan asks nervously as he wipes the chocolate ice cream off Sarah's face.

"He didn't look like such a smug bastard when he came back in the room," Esposito scoffs. "Dude was totally out to get us."

"Yeah, well I'm sure karma bit him in the ass when Castle told him all the scandalous details of our relationship during their interview." Ryan lets out a small laugh as he lifts his sleeping daughter off of the couch.

Esposito laughs as he follows Ryan towards Sarah's bedroom. "I don't even want to know what Castle came up with." He mocks a shiver.

"What about you? What did he want to know?"

Esposito smiles and nods towards Sarah. "Apparently Sarah told him all about how we sleep together. I told him if we're married, of course we're gonna sleep in the same bed."

Ryan sighs. "He kept calling you _Uncle Javi_ ever since he heard Sarah call you that."

Esposito's face scrunches up. "Bro, who cares? Does he really expect Sarah to start calling me Dad right away?" He rubs Ryan's shoulder comfortingly. "He has nothing."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Ryan walks through her bedroom door and to her bed.

"Of course I am." Esposito pulls down her blankets, so Ryan can lay Sarah down. "We'll be out of this mess before you know it."

Ryan takes the blanket from Esposito's hands and tucks it around her. "I know...and I'm sorry I keep-."

"Hey, stop apologizing." Esposito smiles, shoving Ryan gently with his shoulder. "None of this is your fault."

"Okay, okay," he says before leaning down to kiss Sarah's forehead. When he's standing straight and facing Esposito, he pretends to think. "And maybe after all of this is over, we can have a night where there are no interruptions from nosy agents from the pension department."

They start walking out of her bedroom and Esposito quips, "According to Castle we have _tons_ of nights off when he takes Sarah for the night. You don't remember all of our _date nights_?"

Ryan rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on, Javi, he was trying to help keep our cover. You used to watch Sarah all the time when Jen and I wanted a night off."

They grow quiet after Ryan mentions Jenny. Esposito doesn't speak until they're inside Ryan's bedroom. "Well, worrying over this isn't going to change anything. But if you ask me, bro, tonight went fine."

They each turn around to give each other privacy as they change out of their clothes. "Did you notice how Sarah wouldn't leave my lap after talking with him. And she was quiet. What if he said something to her?"

"He told her that we're married, so she's probably just a little confused right now." Esposito tries to assure him.

"What if she's mad at me? Or she thinks I'm trying to replace Jenny?" Ryan turns around just as he finishes pulling up his flannel pants. "She could hate me."

Esposito rolls his eyes as he pulls his t-shirt over his head. "She doesn't hate you. So stop worrying. Let's just get to bed so we can wake up on time for work." He checks the clock on the wall. "It's already three in the morning."

"We haven't hung out with Castle and Beckett recently. It was nice." Kevin defends as he pulls back the blankets on his bed.

"Next time let's save it for when we're off." Esposito gets into bed next to Ryan.

By now, they've been sharing Ryan's bed for a week or so. At first, they had been wary of it and didn't speak to each other until they were out of bed in the morning, but now they easily curl on their sides and talk to each other before falling asleep.

Tonight, they choose to go right to bed as their exhaustion finally catches up with him. "Night, Kev," Esposito says as soon as his head hits his pillow.

"Goodnight, Javi." Ryan closes his eyes and falls to sleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

"Order number 32!"

Ryan checks the receipt in his hand and stands up from the small table he and Javi had grabbed by the window. "That's us, I'll be right back."

Javier nods and waits for Kevin to come back with their breakfast. Today's Saturday and they let Sarah sleep in so they didn't bother making breakfast. Alexis said she'd make Sarah breakfast when she wakes up.

Ryan comes back with their tray filled with two egg sandwiches, two cups of coffee and a muffin. "Still hot," he informs Esposito as he places the tray on the table.

"Always is." Esposito smiles as he takes a sip of his coffee.

They don't say anything until their sandwiches and half of their java is gone. They need the caffeine to wake up and hold a conversation. Ryan's pulling small pieces off his muffin and eating them. "Beckett said we don't have any big cases and I was thinking about maybe dropping by the orphanage today or tomorrow, you wanna come?"

"Sure. But you do know that now that you've said that, we're probably gonna get hit with a big ass case, right?" Esposito reaches over to steal a piece of Ryan's muffin, even though he said he didn't want one when they ordered.

Ryan opens his mouth to chastise him for eating his food, but the ding of Esposito's phone stops him. Esposito checks his notifications and sees a message from Beckett.

_be careful when you & ryan get into work…_

Esposito frowns and texts her back: _?_

"What's wrong, Javi?" Ryan asks, concern flooding his voice.

"I don't know. Beckett's be cryptic. She told me to be careful when we get to the precinct." Esposito quickly looks up at Ryan before turning back to his phone.

"Do you think it's about Warren? Maybe he found out?" Ryan's breathing increases and Esposito quickly puts a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"We're fine, Ryan." Esposito's phone dings again and he checks the next message.

_big crowd waiting out front for u two_

Esposito sighs and sends a message to Beckett telling her they're on their way. Then he passes his phone to Ryan so he can read Beckett's latest message. "Probably people about the paper we were in," Esposito guesses. "C'mon, let's go before the crowd can get bigger. He stands up and steals one more piece of Ryan's muffin before walking towards the door.

* * *

When Ryan and Esposito approach the 12th precinct, they expect the cameras, but they don't expect the big signs.

"What the hell are they protesting?" Ryan asks Esposito as they start to push their way through the crowd.

Esposito shrugs his shoulders. He won't be able to get a good look at the signs until they're on the other side of the crowd. When they finally push through, Esposito sees Castle and Beckett waiting on the steps for them. They look pissed off and even a bit nervous.

"Javi…" Ryan whispers tugging on Esposito's arm. "Look."

Esposito turns away from Castle and Beckett to look at the crowd behind him. His heart drops into his stomach when he reads the signs and listens to what they're chanting. Every sign says the same thing in different words: we are homophobic assholes.

Esposito's vision goes red and his hands curl into fists. He looks over at Ryan and can tell he's already noticeably paler. "C'mon, Kev, don't pay-."

"Hey, that's them!" One of the protestors shouts and the yelling increases.

Esposito pulls Ryan towards the steps when he seems to be frozen. He looks over to see Castle and Beckett coming closer, even though there is nothing they can do. The worst part is the pity covering their faces.

One sudden loud shout causes Esposito to stop pulling Ryan because he knows he can't stop him. "God hates queers like you- you're both going to hell!"

Ryan pushes Esposito's hand off of him and storms over to the man that yelled it. The rest of the crowd quiets down to watch the exchange and Esposito hopes Ryan will keep his cool.

"You're wrong, sir. God hates people like _you_." Ryan is angry and red in the face. "I go to church every Sunday, I love Him and I respect Him. Never once have I done wrong to Him. You're the one using His name to hide your obnoxious bigoted opinions behind." Ryan is downright terrifying when he's angry and Esposito can tell by the way the man's eyes widen that he agrees. "Loving a man does not make me a sinner. _You_ are the one God looks down on."

Esposito wants to start full-out applauding Ryan when he whirls around to start walking away. He hears Castle tell Beckett, "That is so going in my next book."

But of course, the asshole has to have the last word. "Go straight to hell, _faggot_."

The determined glare on Ryan's face washes away as too many memories from his high school years come crashing in. Now it's Esposito's turn to get angry. _Nobody_ talks to his partner like that. Esposito growls. "What did you call him?"

The man leans forward, unafraid, even though he should be. "A pathetic faggot."

Before Esposito can stop himself, he throws a punch and nails the man directly to his nose. He thinks he hears it crack, too. The man yells in pain and quickly clutches his bleeding nose.

"Don't _ever_ talk about my partner like that again," Esposito says before turning away from the crowd and walking directly to Ryan, Esposito gives one last glance to the crowd before pulling Ryan into his arms and kissing him on the lips. He can see the flashes of cameras behind his shut eyelids, but he doesn't stop. He dips Ryan before finally pulling away and wrapping an arm around Ryan's waist.

Castle and Beckett are stunned, but they quickly catch up to them as they walk through the front doors to the precinct. Esposito doesn't have to, but he continues to hold Ryan tight until they reach the elevator.

Ryan ghosts his fingers over his lips, but doesn't say a word about the kiss. Instead, he worries over his partner. "How are your knuckles? You hit him pretty hard."

Esposito flexes his bloody knuckles once. "A little sore, but you should see the other guy." He winks and Ryan looks away with a slight blush.

"That was great, 'Sito. He never even saw it coming! And you, too, Ryan, when you talked down to him. The look on his face was priceless," Castle says, breaking the awkward tension.

Beckett huffs. "It'll be real awesome when every picture that was taken of Espo punching the guy gets printed and then he gets suspended."

Esposito just shrugs his shoulders. "It was totally worth it."

* * *

Once they enter the bullpen, they try to avoid the looks from other detectives that had to pass the crowd and especially Captain Gates. But she finds them anyway. "Detectives, did they cause you any trouble? I've been trying to get rid of them all day, but they aren't doing anything illegal."

"A little trouble, but nothing we can't handle," Castle says with a proud smile. Esposito makes sure to keep his bloody fist behind his back.

Gates narrows her eyes at the four. "I can't say that sounds like a good thing, Mr. Castle. Especially coming from you."

Castle just keeps smiling until she sighs and walks back to her office. Once she's gone, Ryan turns to Esposito, "C'mon, I'll wrap up your hand."

Castle starts to follow, but Beckett grabs his arms and gives him a look telling him to give them a moment.

Ryan and Esposito walk down to the locker room, but still don't mention the kiss along the way. Ryan starts to think it may have been a dream. Ryan takes the first aid kit out of his locker and sits down to take out the wrap. He looks up to Esposito and pats the bench for him to sit.

Esposito straddles the bench and holds out his hand for Ryan. Silently, Ryan uses a wipe to clean the dried blood to reveal a scrape on each knuckle. "You didn't have to do that, you know," Ryan says as he starts to wrap the bandage around his partner's hand.

"What?"

"You didn't have to punch that guy. I had it handled." Ryan tucks the end of the bandage into the wrap so it doesn't unravel.

Esposito laughs softly. "Oh, I know. Dude looked like he was about to shit his pants after you put him in his place. But when he called you that...I'm your partner, Kev. And I don't care if it's a perp or some bigoted douche, I will always have your back."

Ryan smiles softly and even though he's finished with Esposito's hand, he doesn't let go. He wants to ask Esposito about the kiss, but he doesn't. "What if you get in trouble with Gates?"

Esposito shrugs. "I probably will on Tuesday...but she'll understand. At least, I think."

"Thank you, Javi." Ryan smiles as he hesitantly pulls his hand away. "The last time someone gave me shit for liking guys, I was the one that had to fight my own battle, but it's nice when someone's fighting by your side."

"Always, partner."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much to all of my readers who are sticking through this long journey. i promise, our boys will get together soon;)
> 
> reviews are greatly appreciated! thank you everyone:)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thank you's to txmedic for her wonderful beta-ing.

"Daddy, can I light a candle for Mommy?" Sarah tugs on Ryan's suit jacket at the end of mass.

Sarah doesn't normally ask to light a candle unless it's Jenny's birthday, but Ryan nods anyway. He and Esposito follow Sarah to rows of candles. He helps her light the candle as Esposito drops a dollar in the donation box.

Ryan stands next to her and waits for her to kneel, but she only stares up at him. He realizes she wants to talk to Jenny alone. "Oh, I'm sorry, baby."

He steps back towards Esposito and stands by his side. Sarah kneels and folds her little hands and bows her head. She thinks she's whispering, but she's always had an Irish whisper, so Ryan and Esposito can hear her prayer.

"Hi, Mommy," she starts. "I miss you lots. And so does Daddy. He was always sad after you left."

Ryan looks down at his feet, ignoring Esposito's staring.

"I asked you to make him happy again. And you did. You gave him Uncle Javi and Uncle Javi makes him very happy. Thank you for sharing him." Sarah goes silent after that, but she doesn't stand up.

Ryan fidgets next to Esposito; he's waiting for the teasing, but it doesn't come. Esposito stares at him with a soft smile on his face. He knows now isn't the time to bust his partner's chops. Kevin keeps his head down and his eyes focused on his shoes until their priest approaches them.

"Kevin, Javier, it's nice to see you again." He smiles over at the little girl kneeling by the candles. "I feel like Sarah grows more and more every week."

Kevin laughs softly. "Good to see you, too, Father Brian."

"How is your head?" Father Brian looks to the scar on the side of Kevin's head.

Kevin self-consciously uses one hand to cover it. Today is the first day he's gone out in public without his cap on because he couldn't wear it to church so he couldn't hide his scar. "Much better. Still some left-over side effects from the shooting, but I've been getting better." He doesn't feel the need to specifically mention the nightmares he has and even the nightmares he knows Esposito gets some nights.

"I'm glad to hear that. If you ever need to talk, my door's always open." He turns to Esposito. "That goes to you, too."

"Thank you, Father," Ryan and Esposito accidently chorus.

Father Brian smiles at the two before raising his eyebrows and shifting topics. "So, I saw you two in the paper today _again_."

Ryan winces. He had forgotten about that morning's paper and the story that covered the small protest, the man's harsh words, Ryan telling him off and Esposito ending it with a right hook. "Father, about that-."

"I'm proud of you."

Ryan blinks. "What?"

Father Brian smiles. "Kevin, I've known you since you were a kid coming to this church. I know what a good man you are. And if you think God would forget that just because you found love in another man, you are crazy."

"But, I thought-."

"Homosexuality is a sin? It depends who you ask." Father Brian shrugs his shoulders. "Some say yes, some say no. But, it doesn't matter what anybody else says. It's your choice." Father Brian places a hand on each of their shoulders. He looks over to Javier. "But, next time I don't suggest using violence as your solution."

Javier blushes and rubs the back of his neck. "Sorry, Father. Never had much of a hold on my temper."

Father Brian raises his eyebrows and Javier waits for him to schedule his next penance, but Sarah comes over and brings the attention away from him. "Hey, Father Brian," she greets the priest with a warm smile.

"Hello, Sarah. Talking with your mother?" He asks with his own smile. Sarah nods. "You know," he says, "you can talk to her at home any time you'd like."

"I know, Father Brian, but I like to come talk to her by the candles, too."

"I love to talk to my mother, too, by the candles." He smiles down at Sarah before turning back to Ryan and Esposito. "I have to get ready for my next Mass. Good luck and I'll see you next week," he says with a nod before walking back towards the altar.

"Let's hope our conversation with Gates goes that nicely on Tuesday morning," Esposito whispers to Ryan as they start walking to the exit of the church.

"Please, I'd like to forget about that as long as I can," Kevin mutters back. "All we need is for one or both of us to get suspended."

"Speak for yourself. Some of us didn't get the luxury of having a week off from work."

"Be careful what you wish for, Javi. You may just get that."

* * *

When Esposito pulls up in front of their apartment, he's surprised to see a car already there. He furrows his brow and parks behind it. "Who is this?" He mutters as he takes the key out of the ignition.

"I think that's Warren's car. Damnit, can't he leave us alone for one day?" Ryan groans as he shoves open his door.

Warrens must notice them coming out because he gets out of his car just as Esposito and Ryan do. Ryan and Esposito exchange a worried look before they keep walking towards Warren. Sarah runs straight to the door. "Daddy! I have to go to the bathroom!"

Esposito has the key on the keychain in his hand so he turns to Ryan and says, "I'm gonna go open the door for Sarah, babe. Meet you inside."

Ryan kicks himself to not let himself get too excited at Esposito calling him 'babe'. It's not real after all. "Sure, Javi." He watches Javier walk towards their door and let Sarah inside. Javier gave him one last smile before he follows Sarah inside.

Once Esposito is out of sight, Ryan turns back to Warren. "Sorry to make you wait, we were at church."

"It's alright. I've only been here a few minutes." Warren shrugs his shoulders and hesitates before he continues. "I've been going over your case these past few days. And at first, something told me there was something off about you two."

Ryan's heart starts to beat faster as he prays that Warren hasn't found them out.

"The way you acted around each other, I thought it was too perfect. But after I spoke with your daughter the other night, I started to realize that maybe it wasn't an act. It seemed too natural and kids don't lie." He sighs with a small smile. "I know I was hard on you...it's my job. But, looking back at your little family and how I haven't made this any easier for you, I wanted to apologize and let you know that you are cleared." He hands Kevin a few papers. "Just give these to the Pension Department and it'll be official."

Ryan stares at Warren in shock. "What? Really?"

Warren nods with a smile. "Yeah. I've got to get back to work and you've got a husband to tell the great news, so I'll let you go."

As he turns around to walk back to his car, Ryan grabs his wrist. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," Warren says before he leaves to get in his car.

Kevin watches him drive away and it isn't until his car disappears from their block that he feels like he isn't frozen. He looks down at the papers in his hands to make sure that they were really clearing him and Javier from the investigation. He feels like he could cry. Finally he doesn't have to lay awake at night stressing over this. No one is going to jail and no one is going to take his baby girl away from him.

There's a smile a mile wide on his face as he runs back towards the apartment. He almost trips over his own feet as he hurries inside. He hears Javier talking to Sarah. "Go back in there and this time, you better flush."

Ryan rushes to Esposito's side just as he starts walking away from the now closed bathroom door. "Javier!" He grabs Espo's shoulders and he can't do anything except smile at him.

Esposito furrows his brow. "What's wrong? What did Warren want?"

" _Javi_ ," Ryan repeats because he can't say anything else. He lets go of Esposito's shoulders to shove the papers into his hands.

Esposito gives Ryan one last questioning look before he starts to read the papers. He reads it over a few times before he finally looks back up at Ryan in shock. "Seriously?"

Ryan nods his head and before he knows it, Esposito's arms are wrapped tightly around him and he's twisting him in a quick circle. Both are too excited to realize that this isn't something just friends do.

"I told you we'd be fine, Kev," Esposito says with a bright smile now matching Ryan's. "You know what? This calls for celebration!"

Sarah chooses that moment to burst out of the bathroom with the toilet now flushed and her hands washed. "A party? Uncle Rick has the best parties!"

Ryan quickly shakes his head. "No, it's a school night, but-."

"Then I'm making dinner tonight. And it's not going to be anything from the freezer or a can." Esposito smirks at Ryan.

Ryan nods. "You can get dinner done while I run this to the Pension Department?"

Esposito leans down to pick up Sarah and hold her against his hip. She giggles and wraps her legs around his waist. "Me and Sarah have got this covered. You go and dinner will be ready when you get back."

Ryan quickly leans over to drop a kiss to Sarah's cheek and he's so close to Esposito he can easily close the small distance between their lips. But he doesn't. He pulls back before he can do something incredibly stupid. "I'll be back soon." He gives Esposito a small smile before he turns around to head to the department and get his paperwork sorted out.

There isn't much of a line when he gets there, but it takes some time to make it all official and change his pension status from Jennifer Ryan to Javier Esposito-Ryan. The woman congratulates him after they're finished and Ryan can't help but smile like a little kid all over again.

The smile doesn't leave his face the whole way home either. Especially as he thinks of the meal Esposito's cooking; he always goes all out when he cooks.

The moment he walks through the front door, he can smell something delicious. But it isn't the aroma that drags Ryan to the kitchen, it's the singing. He quietly walks to the kitchen doorway where he has a perfect view of his partner and daughter. Judging from the dough Esposito is throwing into the air, it looks like they decided on homemade pizzas.

Ryan leans against the doorframe and covers his mouth with a hand to try and hide his growing smile. It's a little harder to stifle his laughs, but thankfully the music is loud enough to drown him out.

Esposito sings with much enthusiasm and his voice his as beautiful as Ryan remembers it. Though the only times Ryan has to compare it to are when he's a little drunk at karaoke night and when he sings softly along to the radio in their car. But this is so much louder and more confident when it's only him and Sarah. " _I don't need no money, fortune or fame, I got all the riches, baby, one man can claim_."

Esposito puts the dough down and picks up a ladle covered in sauce to use as a microphone, " _Well, I guess you'd say: what can make me feel this way?"_

Ryan feels his whole world stop turning when Sarah sings along with her uncle just as loudly to the last of the chorus, " _My girl, my girl, my girl_!"

Esposito kneels down and points to Sarah and sings with a grin, " _Talkin' 'bout my girl_."

Sarah smiles right back and runs into his arms and nuzzles her nose against Esposito's and finishes with a soft coo, " _My girl_."

Ryan really wishes he had recorded the moment on his phone just so he could rewatch the moment again and again. Before they can start their next verse, Ryan clears his throat over the music. "The Temptations? Really?"

Esposito startles so much he jumps to his feet. Even under his dark complexion, Ryan can see the slight blush to his cheeks. "We, uh, I thought you'd be longer."

Ryan laughs, walking up to them. "I can see that." He pauses the music they're playing on Esposito's phone. "I don't know what I enjoyed more: the mini concert or the smell of dinner."

Esposito rolls his eyes, though his cheeks are still flushed slightly. "It's almost done. I have two pies in the oven. We were making a calzone with the leftover dough and cheese."

"Do I have time to get changed before it's done, Mr. American Idol?" Kevin doesn't wait for an answer before he's walking out of the kitchen with another laugh. He hears Esposito mumbling under his breath behind him and admires him for his creative way to avoid cursing in front of Sarah.

By the time Kevin changes out of his suit, since he never had the chance to after church, Esposito has the table set and the food ready and waiting to be eaten. Ryan walks back into the kitchen just as Esposito is putting a pizza pie on the table. When he sees Ryan, he grins and pulls out one of the chairs. "Tu cena, mi amor."

Not for the first since he met his partner, Ryan wishes he could understand Spanish. Ryan takes his seat and smiles up at Esposito. As he takes his own seat, Ryan stares at the table where there is one large pie (half of it was pineapple, olives, and double jalapeños for Espo and the other half is extra cheese for himself) and there is also a mini pizza with a pepperoni smiley face next to it.

Ryan smiles softly at everything that Esposito and Sarah had put together. It's heart-warming in the most painful of ways. Sarah sits in her own seat and pulls the plate with the small pizza towards her. "Doesn't it look delicious, Daddy?"

Ryan nods and pulls his own piece off the tray. He takes a bite and immediately moans in delight. "Man, Javi, you amaze me every time. Even with just pizza."

Esposito had been waiting to see Ryan's reaction, so now with a smile, he turns to his own plate. "Thanks, Ryan."

"You're the one I should be thanking. I wouldn't be here stress-free if it wasn't for you. I don't know how I could ever even start to thank you." Ryan shifts in his seat. "But, I asked a lot of you and I understand if it's too much. We're cleared, if you want you can move back to your own apartment."

Esposito stops chewing and stares at him. "What?"

"I don't want you feeling like you _have_ to stay here, you know? You still have your own apartment to take care of." Ryan hopes Esposito doesn't rush out, he enjoys his company, but he can't be selfish.

"What if...what if I _wanted_ to stay?" Esposito asks, hesitantly. "We could be roommates."

Ryan looks up from his plate. "Roommates? Like Oscar and Felix?"

Esposito laughs, breaking the slight awkward atmosphere. "Yeah, Ryan. I'd be Felix, though because you don't know how to clean up after yourself."

"I do to." Ryan grins before taking a bite from his pizza.

"Then why am I always picking your dirty clothes off your floor every morning?" Esposito raises his eyebrows and Ryan just makes a face. "But, I'm serious about sharing the apartment. I can pay half the rent, help with bills and other expenses and feed your daughter actual food instead of your radioactive crap." Esposito raises his eyebrows, daring Ryan to even try and argue with him.

"I can't cook. That doesn't mean you can hold that over me for the rest of my life." Ryan kicks Esposito's shin lightly underneath the table.

"Yes, I can," Esposito says. "So, are you okay with me bunking with you? That is until you get sick of me."

Ryan smiles and is very glad he won't have to say goodbye to Javier's company anytime soon. "If I wasn't, I would have kicked you out days ago."

Ryan had completely forgotten that Sarah is eating beside them and her soft squeal makes him jump slightly. "Uncle Javi can stay? That means he can make us dinner every night and we can be like a family.

Ryan swallows, his throat suddenly feeling dry. He nods once, avoiding looking over at his partner. "If it's okay with Javi and you don't start to miss my cooking too much." He forces out a laugh.

"You mean it, Uncle Javi? You wanna stay?" Sarah asks him with a bright smile.

"Of course I do. I just have to go over some stuff for my apartment if I'm going to be staying here," Esposito says, directing the last part more to Ryan.

"You're not going to get rid of it, are you?" Ryan asks with a frown.

Shaking his head, Esposito says, "No, I'll talk to my landlord. He's been helping me with it when I told him I was staying with you until you were feeling better again. He probably read the paper, too, so he thinks we're living together now that we're married. But I'm still keeping my apartment."

"I can clear out a room for you, if you want. Sarah won't mind sharing her playroom." Ryan offers as he finishes his slice of pizza.

"What? Do I suddenly have cooties?" Esposito asks with raised eyebrows. Ryan furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head slightly in confusion. Esposito rolls his eyes and says, "The bed. You don't want to share it?

"Well, I just thought-."

"Married people share beds, Daddy." Sarah looks up at him with her big blue eyes and whispers loudly, "Does he snore? Is that why you don't want to sleep with him anymore?

Crap, Ryan had forgotten that Sarah is still here and fully believes their cover story. Thankfully, Esposito is quick on his feet and catches Ryan's slip. "Ignore him, Sarah, he just wants to keep the bed to himself." He looks at Ryan. "But, I'm fine." He turns back to Sarah with a small teasing grin. "He's the one that snores."

She almost puts her elbows in her pizza as she leans forward. "I know. When he falls asleep on movie night, I can't hear the TV!"

"We'll have to shove a pillow over his face next time, huh?" Esposito pretends to be bothered for Sarah's sake.

"Hey, hey, I can't have the both of you teaming up on me." Ryan narrows his eyes at the two, but he's fighting back a smile.

"Well, you better get used to it, Kev. 'Cause neither of us are going anywhere."

Ryan smiles softly and hopes it never changes.

* * *

"Is it too late to call in sick?" Ryan whispers to Esposito even though they're the only two in the elevator.

"We've got to face the music sometime, Ryan." Esposito isn't any happier to be here only minutes away from getting a lecture from Gates, no doubt.

Yesterday, they were able to ignore all of their issues easily. Sarah went to school, Esposito sorted things out with his landlord and Ryan visited the girls in the orphanage. He was relieved to see they were all doing well and much better than before. Each thanked him for what he did for Casey and they even thought his scar was cool. (Only after they convinced him to take off his ballcap).

But now it's Tuesday and they're back at work...for now. They can only hope that Gates goes easy on them or maybe even forgets about it altogether. They know they're not that lucky when they walk into the bullpen and Gates is waiting by their desks. She's glaring at them immediately.

Ryan wants to turn back, but he keeps walking until they're close enough to have a semi-private conversation. Gates doesn't waste a minute before she says, "I want your asses in my office _two days ago_." She doesn't wait for a reply before she stalks back to her office.

Ryan gulps and looks down nervously to Castle and Beckett sitting at Beckett's desk. They look scared for them. "Well, if this is it, it was a pleasure working with you guys."

"Detectives, _now_!"

Gates' bark causes Ryan to jump slightly. "C'mon, let's get this over with," Esposito grumbles and Ryan slowly follows him to the captain's office.

The moment the door is shut behind them, Gates is yelling at them. "You two have done some crazy, asinine things in the past, but believe me when I tell you that this takes the cake." Ryan and Esposito don't dare say a word. "You two know the press has been all over you lately. I warned you the first time to keep your business out of the paper. You two represent the NYPD, so you can imagine my embarrassment when the Commissioner calls me personally to ask why one of my detectives punched a civilian in the face."

"Captain, I-."

Gates raises her hands to stop Esposito. She isn't done lecturing them yet. "I don't care why you did it. The damage is done already and the Commissioner is pissed. He wanted me to split you up in the beginning of this. But I said you two were fine and I could count on you. What am I supposed to say when this is printed on the front page a few days later?" She slams a paper on the desk and the boys recognize it. There's a picture of the punch and the kiss next to the article covering the protest.

"Sir, that man was talking crap to my partner. I will not stand by while it happens." Esposito says strongly.

"But, you don't punch the man across the face!"

"I know. I'm sorry, sir." Esposito hangs his head.

"You're sorry? Do you think that helps anyone? Especially the call I got telling me to split you two up immediately."

Ryan and Esposito immediately tense up. "Captain, you can't do that!"

"If you split us up, keep my badge. I don't want it if I'm getting punished for protecting my partner."

"Then, you're lucky the mayor called the Commissioner and convinced him to let you two stay as partners," Gates said, slower and doesn't sound as upset. "And that someone was able to handle the charges with the man you punched."

"What are-?"

"Castle," Ryan concludes, looking out the office window to see him sitting at Beckett's desk. He looks nervous.

Gates purses her lips. "Who else has a connection with the mayor?"

"So, does that mean we're good?" Esposito asks hesitantly.

Gates sighs. "I won't be suspending or separating you two today, so you can go. But, understand that if either of you embarrass me or the NYPD like this again, you can kiss your shields goodbye. And Castle will not be able to help you out. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Captain," they both reply before excusing themselves quickly from her office.

Castle and Beckett are waiting anxiously for them as they exit. Castle is the first to say something, "So, what happened?"

"The Commissioner wants Gates to suspend me and separate us," Esposito says. "But the mayor called to tell him what a bad idea splitting us up would be." He gives Castle a small smile.

"Thanks, Castle." Ryan has a smile matching his partner's.

Castle looks relieved. "Oh, it worked." His worry turns into a smile. "I figured I'd give it a shot."

"Well, it worked. And guess what else worked?" Ryan says, lowering his voice, but his smile grows. "We were cleared. No more investigation."

It takes a second for Castle to react. His eyes widen and he claps Ryan on the shoulder. "That's awesome, guys. I knew it would be fine. Despite Ms. Pessimistic's warnings."

Beckett rolls her eyes. "Why don't we all just try to stay out of trouble." She gives a pointed look over at Esposito. "That means no punching people."

"If there are people watching," Castle cuts in.

Beckett flicks his ear. "No. There's no punching people. Period." Castle shrugs his shoulders with a smile. She turns to Ryan and Esposito. "Just for the next few days, do me a favor and lay low. I don't want anything happening to you two because you let your stupid pride get in the way."

"I'm not NYPD, I can follow them around and take on anyone." Castle clenches his hand into a fist. "They won't even know what hit them. _Bam!_ "

Beckett and Esposito roll their eyes and Ryan looks on with a smile. Typical.

The rest of their day goes as it usually does. They avoid Gates, they work through some leftover paperwork, they go out for lunch and come back to finish up their paperwork. Except, Beckett is the only one that gets any work done since the boys are too busy fooling around.

So when the end of their shift comes, it's not surprising when Ryan has a full desk of papers. Some even from before the accident. Esposito gets his coat on and nods towards Ryan. "Come on, partner, I hear dinner calling our name."

Ryan sighs flipping through his stack of papers. "I'm going to have to stay a little later, Javi."

"Forget about it. It'll be there tomorrow."

"That's what I've been saying for days. I really just need to get them filed. Especially my paperwork from the accident." Ryan really doesn't want to stay, but he needs to get his desk cleared. "Do you mind watching Sarah for a few hours? I'll be home as soon as I can."

Esposito waves his hand. "Take your time, bro. We've got some uncle-niece bonding to do."

"Please, don't keep her up late, it's a school night and it's already past seven." Ryan calls after him as he starts towards the elevator with Beckett.

Esposito doesn't even turn around. "See you later, Ry."

Ryan groans, knowing that Sarah will not being getting to bed early tonight. Not when Uncle Javi is in charge.

Beckett turns around when she notices that Castle is still sitting with Ryan. "You coming, Castle?"

"I'm just gonna stay here an hour or so and keep Ryan company." He smiles.

Beckett raises an eyebrow. "Okay…Stay out of trouble."

Castle hold up three fingers. "Scout's honor." Beckett rolls her eyes and gets in the elevator with Esposito.

After they're gone, Ryan looks up curiously at Castle. "I know you're not going to help with my paperwork, so why are you staying?"

Castle grins, playing with a mug of pencils on Ryan's desk. "Just keeping you company, buddy."

Ryan doesn't entirely believe him, but as the next hour passes, Castle does keep him entertained with conversation and it helps make the night go faster. Ryan figures out his motive when he's finished and filing away his paperwork.

"Hey, uh, Ryan, before we go can I talk to you?" Castle asks before Ryan can stand up to put on his coat.

He sounds serious, so Ryan nods his head. "Of course. What's wrong, Castle?"

"I won't get anywhere from beating around the bushes, so I'm just gonna start this conversation by saying, I know."

"You know what?"

Castle rolls his eyes. "How you feel. How he feels. It's actually really obvious to everyone except you two I guess."

Ryan knows who he's talking about, but he plays dumb. "What, uh, who are you talking about?"

"You and Esposito. I'm getting tired of waiting for you two to figure everything out on your own."

"Castle," Ryan says, now looking down at his lap. "You're being ridiculous."

"No, _you're_ being ridiculous." Castle sounds desperate. "Don't you see? Don't you see the way he looks at you? Like you hung the fucking stars themselves?" Castle groans in exasperation. "You two are living together, raising Sarah, sleeping in the same bed and you're married. Do you really think that's _just friends_? I know you like him and I know he likes you, but you're both too blind to see what's right in front of you."

"And how long did you and Beckett dance around each other?" Ryan asks, raising his eyebrows.

Castle narrows his eyes. "That is beside the point." He pokes Ryan in the chest. "You need to tell him how you feel."

"I can't do that, Castle. I'd rather have him in my life, never knowing how he feels than lose him because he doesn't feel the same." Ryan slumps his shoulders, no longer denying how he really feels to Castle.

"Ryan, he feels the same."

"How do you know?"

"Excluding all the times I see him check you out throughout the day? It's just the way he acts around you. He treats you different than everyone else. You're so important to him." Castle's words bring a flush to Ryan's cheeks. "When you were shot and we weren't sure if you were going to be okay...he was a mess, Kevin."

"Really?" Ryan asks in a soft voice.

"Yes." Castle nods his head. "We thought we were going to lose both of you that night. He loves you so much." Castle is silent for a moment before he continues, "Beckett's already gonna kill me for telling you all of this because she wants you two to sort it out by yourselves, so I might as well tell you."

"Tell me what?" Ryan leans forward.

"When Jenny was sick and close to passing, she told us that it was Javier's turn to take care of you. She knew how you two felt and wanted you to be happy together."

"She said that?"

Castle smiles sadly. "She just wants you to be happy. You deserve to be happy, Kevin. You both do."

Ryan looks up and asks, "How should I tell him?"

Castle's smile brightens. "Simple and sweet. Go home and just tell him how much he means to you. No more wasting time."

Ryan nods and quickly grabs his bag from the back of his chair. "You're absolutely right. I'm gonna tell him. _I'm going to tell him_ ," he repeats with a giddy smile.

Castle stands up to follow Ryan out. He claps Ryan on the shoulder. "Good luck, Ryan."

Ryan surprises Castle when he pulls him in for a quick hug. "Thanks, Castle." He lets go and rushes towards the elevator. Just before the doors shut he calls to Castle, "I'll call you later tonight to let you know how it goes." He furrows his brow and adds, "Actually, I'll call you tomorrow morning hoping everything goes as planned."

Castle laughs loudly and says, "Have fun." Ran gives him a thumb-up just as the doors shut.

"I'm gonna tell him," Ryan whispers to himself as the elevator continues down.

* * *

By the time Ryan gets home it's past nine, so he quietly unlocks the door and slips inside. The lights are all off which is not what he expected. He expected to see Sarah dancing on the kitchen table surrounded by candy wrappers.

Ryan tiptoes to the living room and that's where he finds them. The only light in the room is coming from the glow of the TV, but Ryan can easily see Esposito and Sarah asleep on the couch. His daughter is curled in his lap as she snores softly.

Ryan smiles at the sight. He wants this. He wants to come home to this every night for the rest of his life.

He walks over the couch slowly and shakes Esposito's shoulder softly, careful not to wake up up Sarah. "Hey, Javi, wake up. Sleeping like this will do nothing good for your back."

Esposito's eyes drift open. "Wasn't sleepin'. Just resting m'eyes."

Ryan smiles. "Okay, well, come rest your eyes in bed." Ryan lifts Sarah off his lap and lays her down on an empty spot next to him. He tucks the blanket around her and goes back to Esposito. "C'mon, I'll help you to bed." He leans closer to Esposito and tries to lift him off the couch.

Esposito blinks his eyes open and stares straight into Ryan's eye without saying a word. It isn't until now that Ryan realizes how close they are. They're so close that it would be so easy just to close the gap between their lips. Soon he'll be able to because he's going to tell him. Ryan smiles.

"Wha's so funny?" Esposito asks softly.

"Not telling until you get up." Ryan tugs his wrist again, but Esposito doesn't budge.

"Tell me," he says and pulls back on Ryan so he falls into Esposito's lap. His arms wrap around Ryan's waist.

Ryan squirms in the uncomfortable position that Esposito pulled him into. "Espo, stop it. I want to grab something to eat and talk to you before we go to bed." Esposito just hums and pulls Ryan closer. Ryan laughs softly and tries to pull himself out of Esposito's arms. "Javi, I'm being serious. Let-." Ryan goes silent when he feels a pair of lips on his temple.

Esposito goes still underneath him, allowing for Ryan to jump from his arms. "Javier…" Ryan says staring down at him in shock.

This seems to sap some of the drowsiness out of Esposito and he's sitting up on the couch. "Ryan, I'm sorry...I don't know why I just did that." He rubs the back of his neck and looks embarrassed. "Let's just forget that ever happened. Blame it on the exhaustion."

"No," Ryan says firmly.

Esposito blinks. "What?"

"You kissed me and I want to know why. I don't want to keep ignoring everything." Ryan squeezes his fists, trying to keep his voice steady. "We never talk about anything."

Esposito stands up and tries to calm Ryan down. "Ryan,-."

"You married me and we never talked about it! You sleep next to me in my bed every night and we don't talk about it! You kissed me and we never talked about it! I can't keep doing this. _It hurts._ " Ryan's voice is firm, but still low enough so he doesn't wake up Sarah. "You just kissed me and told me to forget it...but what if I _don't want_ to forget it?"

Esposito's eyes widen. "What?" He takes a step closer.

Ryan takes a deep breath. "What if I have been waiting for you to kiss me like that since the first time I met you?"

"You want this...us?" Esposito gestures between the two of them.

"Yes." Ryan nods. "God, I've never wanted something so much."

For a moment, they're only staring at each other, but then Esposito moves to pull Ryan close again. The second that his lips are on Ryan's they're kissing with all of the lust and passion they've been holding back for years.

Ryan smiles into the kiss when he feels Esposito's hand run through his hair. Ryan already feels so intoxicated on Esposito, that he's too dazed to remember he needs to breath. But Esposito does and he pulls away. Ryan tries to follow his lips, but Esposito laughs. "We've got all night, corazon."

Ryan lets his hands wander up the front of Esposito's shirt. He can't wait to spend the whole night exploring his partner's body and memorizing every freckle, dimple and scar. He leans forward and whispers in Esposito's ear. "Bedroom?"

Esposito moans. "I thought you'd never ask." He leaves one last kiss on Ryan's lips before he starts leading him to the bedroom. Even once they're inside the room, the keep their voices hushed so they don't wake Sarah on the couch.

They're smiling like idiots and they're too busy staring at one another to strip down correctly. Ryan stumbles as his foot gets caught in his jeans and Esposito is there to catch him. Ryan laughs and leans in for another kiss. He falls down to the bed and pulls Esposito down with him. His jeans are still around his ankles and Esposito has only managed to slip out of his t-shirt, but Ryan doesn't care. They have all night and Ryan plans on taking it slow and hopes it lasts forever.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for some homophobic slurs.

 

When Esposito wakes up, he feels better than he has in years. Either because last night was the absolute best night of his life or maybe because the person he spent it with is still in his arms. Esposito smiles and pulls Ryan closer to his chest, tangling their legs even further.

He's still tired from last night and he can imagine Ryan will be feeling a bit sore. But, Esposito knows he'll be up for another round when he wakes up. Esposito could do it a million more times if he had the time.

But, soon he'll have to get up and face the day. So he closes his eyes again and nestles himself closer to his partner. If these few moments are going to be the only chance that Esposito has to hold him like this today, he won't let it go to waste.

Ryan is snoring softly and it's enough to lull Esposito back to sleep. But once his eyes are closed and he's relaxed on the pillow, he hears breathing behind him. He goes still and his eyes slowly open. He turns his head around to see Sarah crawling towards him on the bed. "Jesus, Sarah, how long have you been there?" He asks, his heart now racing, hoping she hasn't noticed neither of them are wearing clothes.

"Few minutes." She shrugs her shoulders and comes closer, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Alexis told me to come wake you two up. We're late."

Esposito looks at the clock on the wall and curses under his breath. He and Ryan are already 15 minutes late for their shift and in a few minutes, Sarah is going to be late for school. But, he can't get up until Sarah is out of the room. "We'll be right out, go get ready."

"No, I can't go until you're out of bed or else you'll go back to sleep." Sarah shakes her head and Esposito groans.

"No, we'll be up right after you get dressed." Esposito tries to pull the blanket higher to cover his bare chest .

"Daddy's not even up yet." She climbs over them to come across the side where Ryan is facing. She comes right up in his face and shakes his shoulder. "Daddy, wake up." She looks up to Esposito with a crinkled nose. "Why aren't you wearing shirts?"

Esposito's eyes widen. "Uh, it was hot in here last night."

She tilts her head. "And you're cuddling? I thought you said you don't like cuddling, Uncle Javi?"

Esposito knows she doesn't know what she's doing and she's only 5, but he feels like she's asking all these questions and making him nervous on purpose. "Well, then it got cold so we had to stay warm."

Sarah seems to believe it. "You can borrow one of my blankets next time you get cold." Then a second later, she screams in Ryan's ear again. This time he wakes up with a jump, but Esposito keeps his arms wrapped around his chest under the blankets. Esposito can feel him still and he's probably wondering why his daughter is right in his face, while he's still cuddling naked with his partner.

"Daddy, you're late for work," Sarah says and she doesn't move away even though he's awake. Her nose is close to touching his.

"Javi, are we…" Ryan trials off, but Esposito already knows what he's asking.

"Yup," he says.

"Alexis said that if you don't get up, she's gonna come in here and pour ice water over your head."

"No!" Ryan and Esposito say at the same time. They really don't need Alexis in here too.

"If I can't stay in bed, then neither can you," Sarah whines. "Can I hide in here with you guys?" She rubs at her eyes and Esposito knows she's still exhausted. Thankfully, because she doesn't seem to think anything is weird between them. But, if he lets her into their bed and sees them this close and naked, she'll definitely know something is up.

"No, Sarah, you've got school. And we've got work," Kevin says quickly, stopping her from picking up the blankets to crawl underneath. He uses his sternest voice to keep her away and she listens with a grumpy sigh.

"Fine," she grumbles, slides off the bed and she drags her feet back towards the door .

Ryan smiles with a laugh. "Hey, maybe next time you won't stay up all night watching movies with Uncle Javi." She glares at him before finally shutting the door behind her.

Now that she's gone, it's just Esposito and Ryan. Esposito is almost afraid to move. As if Ryan can read his mind, he moves for him and twists in Esposito's arms until they're facing each other. Esposito can't help but just stare at how perfect his partner looks with his big blue eyes and sex mussed hair. "You're so beautiful."

Ryan blushes at the words that Esposito hadn't even meant to say out loud. "Javi…" he starts and hesitates before continuing, "last night was one of the best nights of my life."

Esposito smiles softly as he traces the freckles on Ryan's shoulders. He can't see them, as he's covered by a blanket, but he knows exactly where they are after years of memorizing them as he watched Ryan get changed next to him in the precinct locker room. "I was thinking the same exact thing."

Ryan's shoulders relax and he let out a small sigh. "Really? I just thought...I mean before you, it's been over three years since I did anything remotely close to having sex. And I wasn't sure-."

"Hey, stop it." Esposito kisses Ryan on the lips. He hates how insecure Ryan sounds. He knows his partner never always had the best of self confidence, but this is the first time it's because of him. "You were so perfect." He feels Ryan smile against his lips as they kiss again. "So perfect that I'm trying to decide whether we have enough time for a round two before work."

"How long do we have?" Ryan asks, letting his eyes drift close.

"Well, our shifts started a little over twenty minutes ago."

Ryan's eyes snap open. "What?"

"They think we're married, Kev. They can't expect us to be on time everyday." Esposito leans in to start kissing his neck.

"Javi, Gates is already on edge. We should be on our best behavior these next few days," Ryan says in a shaky voice and Esposito smirks.

"It'll only take a few minutes and the way I see it, the more time we spend in bed, the less time we have to cause trouble."

"Alexis is here waiting for us and we've to get to work." Ryan tries not to give in to Esposito's kissing.

"I have an idea, then." Javier pulls the blanket off of them and Ryan shivers at the sudden cool air. Esposito takes his time getting out of bed when he notices Ryan's eyes following him.

Ryan finally manages to tear his eyes away from Esposito's body and asks, "Where are you going?"

"We both need to take a shower, right?" Esposito grins, walking to the ensuite bathroom. He stops in the doorway and winks at Ryan. "I need you to help me wash everywhere I can't reach. And if that doesn't convince you, we would be saving water too. And time."

Ryan pushes himself out of bed with a smile. "Well, if we're saving water…"

Esposito waits for Ryan to meet him by the doorway before he grabs his hand and pulls him into the bathroom. "That's my boy." Esposito can't help but pull Ryan close for another kiss, this time on the lips.

He watches Ryan drag him further to the shower with a smile. He can see himself every day of every year for the rest of his life doing this, and he hopes that never changes.

* * *

"Sarah, you're gonna fall asleep in your cereal." Alexis gently shakes her littler shoulder and she blinks her eyes open.

"Can I go back to sleep?" She whines as she rubs her eye with a fist.

Alexis smiles sympathetically down at her. She runs the brush through Sarah's tangled curls and says, "Next time don't stay up all night."

"Daddy and Uncle Javi aren't even up yet. We can all have a stay home day." Sarah cuts herself off with a loud yawn.

"They're late for work, do you wanna be late for school?" Alexis asks as she ties the ponytail around Sarah's hair.

"Yes," she mumbles tiredly.

Alexis laughs at how exhausted Sarah looks; usually the little girl is a ball of energy bouncing off the walls in the morning. But, today she is the exact opposite. "I'm going to get the sleeping beauties up, you finish your breakfast." Alexis leaves the kitchen, knowing full well she is probably going to come back and have to wake Sarah up from her impromptu nap on the table.

Once she's outside Kevin's bedroom door, Alexis knocks. "Hey, you two, it's twenty to eight. Do I need to come in there and dump a bucket of ice on you?" She pauses and waits for a response. When she hears nothing, she knocks louder. "Please tell me you two are up." She doesn't want to walk in on them, in case one of them isn't decent, but soon she'll have no choice if they don't get up. "Kevin, Jav-."

"We're coming! We're good! Don't come in because, uh, Javi's in his underwear. Not that I'm looking of course- _ow_." Kevin sounds almost out of breath as he answers her. "Be right out," he finishes weakly.

"Okay." Alexis rolls her eyes at how strange the boys can be. "I'm gonna be dropping Sarah off at school soon, so come out in a minute or two if you want to say goodbye." She walks back towards the kitchen to put the last of Sarah's lunch together. Surprisingly, she's still awake and slowly munching on her cereal. Getting her to bed tonight won't be difficult at all.

Alexis spends the next few minutes putting together Sarah's books and her lunch until she finally hears two sets of feet joining them in the kitchen. Alexis raises her eyebrows at Kevin and Javier. They're both dressed and ready to go to work, standing shoulder to shoulder in the doorway. She walks over to them after putting Sarah's lunchbox in her backpack.

She isn't sure if they think they're being discreet. It's actually kind of cute when she watches Javier reach out to grab Kevin's hand, but stop short and squeeze his hand into a fist. "You know," she says in a low voice so Sarah can't hear, "Sharing a shower is never a good idea when you're in a rush."

Kevin's cheeks immediately flush a pale red and Javier's eyes widen, surprising her because usually he is so stoic. "Don't even try to deny it. I know what the look of 'I just had a quickie with my lover hoping no one will notice' when I see it." She rolls her eyes when the boys look at her with raised eyebrows; their embarrassment is momentarily forgotten. "Oh, don't look at me like that, I'm 25-years-old. I'm not a child. _You two_ are the children. You're over a half hour late for work and you think it would be a good idea to fool around."

"We're not-."

Alexis cuts off Kevin as she tugs on the collar of his shirt to expose a dark hickey. "You two stink of sex instead of the usual lovesick pining."

Kevin quickly pulls his collar back up and he pleads, "Just don't tell Sarah. We're going to tell her soon, but this is still new to us and I want to make sure it's the right time and it comes from me."

Alexis smiles. "I wouldn't dream of it." Her tone turns serious when she sees the boys relax, "Now get going or else you'll get in trouble. Sarah is taking after her father and is running late to school, as well."

Kevin goes over to his daughter and gives her a light kiss to the top of her head. "No falling asleep in class, baby girl. You can come home and take a nap."

Sarah's eyes brighten at the sound of her father. "You're up, Daddy? I didn't think you would get up for hours. You and Uncle Javi looked so cozy this morning."

Kevin ignores Alexis' giggle and smiles down at Sarah. "I was, but I have work. Just like you have school. Have a good day."

Sarah smiles and twists around in her seat to wrap her arms around her dad. "You too, Daddy. Love you."

"I love you more." Kevin kisses her once more before he joins Javier back by the doorway.

"We shoulda just stayed in bed this morning," Javier whispers once Kevin is by his side and they turn around. "There's _a lot_ we have yet to try."

Alexis' face scrunches up and she swats Javier's back. "I may be 25, but I don't need to hear that. Save the dirty talk for the car ride."

Javier looks back in surprise, like he hadn't intended for Alexis to hear, but he laughs anyway. "See you later, Alexis."

"Bye, boys," she says, watching as they leave. Kevin grabs his ballcap off the hook and that starts a small argument about whether or not he really needs to wear it. They shut the door behind them and Alexis can't hear the end of the conversation, but she's pretty sure Kevin will win. He's always had Javier wrapped around his finger.

* * *

That night, Kevin and Javier share another shower. This time to actually clean themselves off after a day of searching through dumpsters at their latest crime scene.

Javier continues to rub Kevin's back with the soft soapy washcloth even though he had gotten the dirt off a few minutes ago. He just likes the feeling of his hands tracing the curves of his back. It seems that Kevin likes it too because he leans back into Javier's touch.

"Good thing we're getting this done tonight, I can't 'oversleep' tomorrow," Kevin says softly.

"Gates didn't care too much. Neither did Beckett or Castle. Granted, they didn't know _why_ we were late." Javier grins.

"Oh, I think Castle knows," Kevin replies, slowly.

"What?" Javier pauses. "How could he know?"

Kevin turns around in Javier's arms. "Last night he gave me the pep-talk I needed to tell you how I felt."

Javier wraps an arm around Kevin's waist and pulls him close until their bodies are flush with one another. "So, I guess I owe him a thank you, huh?"

"How about you worrying about thanking me first." Kevin looks up at Javier with a sly smile.

Javier uses the pad of his thumb to wipe the water droplets clinging to his eyelashes. "Last night wasn't enough of a thanks?"

"Nope." Kevin goes to push Javier up against the shower wall, but loses his footing and almost slips. He would have slipped hard to the floor if Javier hadn't been there to quickly catch him. They're silent for a moment until the meet each other's eyes. Kevin laughs first and Javier follows soon after.

Javier helps him up carefully and says, "Smooth, Casanova."

"Thanks," Kevin says with a light blush to his cheeks.

Javier pulls Kevin into a kiss before he can say another word. Sure, a few days again he had to shower alone and be the one to touch himself, but not anymore. Now he has the only person he'd ever want and he doesn't plan on letting go.

"So, remind me again why can't we do this again tomorrow morning and tell Gates we got stuck in traffic?" Javier grabs the shampoo bottle from behind Kevin and squeezes a blob in his palm. He rubs his hand through Kevin's hair. He smiles when Kevin's eyes flutter shut as Javier massages his scalp.

"Tomorrow's career day in Sarah's school. I talk in the morning and I'll get to work in the afternoon after I'm done."

"Oh, right." Javier can't believe it was close to a month ago that he had picked up Sarah from school.

"You can come, you know." Kevin peeks an open, careful not to get any dripping soap into his eyes. "As just my partner or as her other dad."

Javier's hands freeze and his eyes widen.

Kevin's eyes shoot open at how still Javier is. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm going way too fast. You don't have to be that to her, you can stay Uncle Javi."

"No, I like it. I just," he pauses to lick his lips and gather his thoughts. "I just never thought I'd be lucky enough to raise her with you. I don't want to take it away from you."

Kevin shakes his head. "You've been her father just as much I've been even before she was born." Kevin laughs. "Remember when I was sick and couldn't take Jenny to her childbirth class so you did?" He smiles softly and his voice turns serious and low, "I wouldn't be offering if I didn't want you to."

Javier matches Kevin's smile and says, "It is up to her and if she ever does call me Papa, I'll be the happiest guy in the world."

"Papa?" Kevin asks with a smile as Javie starts to rinse his hair.

"Yes Papa. She won't be calling me Mommy, that's for sure." Javier scoffed causing Kevin to laugh again.

"Well, if it had to be one of us…" Kevin trails off.

"It would be _you._ " Javier slaps Kevin's ass lightly. "Scoot over, I have to rinse too."

Kevin moves out of the spray of water to put conditioner in his hair while Javier rinses the soap off his body. "Excuse you, but I have to disagree."

"Says the one who conditions his hair and wears sweater vests." Javier doesn't hesitate before answering.

"Okay, first of all, just because I have a sense of fashion does not mean I am any more feminine than you are. Second, you like my hair soft so I doubt you'd like it if I stop using conditioner." Kevin smiles over at Javier.

"You got me, baby."

"I know," Kevin replies with a quick kiss to Javier's lips. A quick kiss that soon turns their quick wash into a two hour shower.

* * *

"Daddy, you're going to love my class," Sarah says excitedly as she drags him down the hallway. "I told all of my friends about you and they're so excited to meet you!"

Kevin laughs softly. "And I'm excited to see all of your friends. How is Abigail doing?."

"Great!" Sarah giggles with a smile as they reach her classroom door.

Looking into the reflection of the glass case just outside the door, Kevin makes sure that his hair is covering his small scar. This morning he had to opt out of wearing his cap when he couldn't find any of them. He's convinced Javier hid them all, no matter how much he denied it.

Sarah tugs on his suit jacket. "C'mon. we're gonna be late."

"We're here already, we're okay." Kevin grins, but opens the door anyway.

Sarah runs in under his legs directly to her teacher. "Mrs. Nollen! I brought him in!"

Kevin laughs softly and follows Sarah to Mrs. Nollen's desk. "I swear I didn't feed her any sugar this morning," he jokes.

Mrs. Nollen smiles brightly and hugs Kevin briefly. "It's so good to see you feeling better, Detective."

Kevin nods. "It's good to be feeling better."

"Well, I'm glad you could join us today. We're starting in a few minutes as soon as the bell rings." She gestures to the back of the classroom where the rest of the parents are standing.

Kevin nods and walks to the back, thankful there are still parents slipping in behind him. He and Javier had pulled it close this morning with a good morning kiss that turned into good morning sex and Kevin didn't want to be late to Sarah's class.

He smiles at the other parents and he's confused when all of them just look away. He's friends with most of them since they've all got children in the same class, so he doesn't know what he did wrong. He just shrugs his shoulders and turns to face the front of the classroom when Mrs. Nollen starts speaking.

"Class, I'm very excited to start our parent career day! I know many of you have been looking forward to this day for weeks. I can't wait to find out what all of your parents do." She smiles brightly at the kids sitting in their desks.

Kevin watches as Sarah turns around in her desk to wave back to him and he waves right back. Sarah turns right back around to give her full attention to her teacher. Kevin smiles as Sarah bounces excitedly in her seat.

Kevin watches silently as each parent goes up and talks about their career; each trying their best to one-up the other. Kevin claps at the end of each speech, even after Joseph Saladino, the arrogant FDNY firefighter that always picks a fight with him at the school barbecues. He ignores the digs at police in his speech. That's normal coming from him. He knows he'll have the chance again to get him right back.

"Class," Mrs. Nollen's voice disrupts Kevin from his thoughts. "You've all been very attentive today and we're onto our last speaker." She smiles down at Sarah. "Sarah, would you like to introduce your father to the class?"

She is immediately on her feet and running to the back of the classroom. She grabs Kevin's hand and drags him to the front of the classroom. Her bright smile could light up a room as she turns back around to face the classroom. "Everybody, this my Dad!"

A chorus of, "Hi, Mr. Ryan." erupts from the children as Kevin waves back to them with a small smile.

Sarah is quick to tell her classmates about her dad. "He works in the NYPD." She smiles proudly.

"If he's a police officer," one little boy calls out from the front row. "Then where's his uniform?"

"I'm a detective, which means my only uniform is my gold shield. Unless we are attending an NYPD funeral or attend any upscale events for the job, then I would wear my dress blues." Kevin smiles, already excited to tell these little kids about his work.

"Do you have a gun?" A boy next to him cries out with a smile on his face.

Kevin knew it wasn't going to be long before someone asked that one.

"Yes, two actually. One is for when I'm at work and the other is my off duty." Kevin goes one step further to explain it, "As a member of the NYPD, I am not only responsible to keep the city safe when I'm at work, but also when I'm not. If I see someone dangerous on the street and I have to stop them before they hurt anyone, I need a weapon to protect myself."

"I want a gun!" The little boy starts to bounce in his seat.

Kevin frowns. "Guns are not toys. Guns hurt people."

"Yeah, Jackson," a little girl sneers at him.

"It's alright, you're young and still may not understand. It's the older people with guns that shouldn't that worry me," Kevin says.

There's a girl in the back raising her hand wildly in the air and Kevin hopes that her question changes the subject. But when he calls on her, he is disappointed. "Did you ever have to shoot and kill someone?"

Kevin knows there are times that he's shot at perps when they were about to shoot him or his partner and unfortunately sometimes they ended in fatalities, but he didn't want to tell a bunch of little kids that. "We only ever draw our guns during an emergency. For example if someone draws on me or my partner and intends to kill."

He knows little kids love action and violence and if he doesn't stop them, they'll never stop asking about guns. Kevin had expected to come today and teach the kids all about his favorite part of being a detective- solving the mysteries.

"But, since I'm a detective I don't see much action out on the street. My desk is in the precinct where I look through lists and records and other things to find clues to help solve homicides. A homicide is when someone is murdered. I am also the more tech savvy guy on our floor so I get to scrub through video surveillance and hack into other electronics. And once we find the killer, we put them in jail so they can't ever hurt anyone again." Kevin pauses to call on a boy with his hand raised.

"Is it true that someone shot _you_?"

Kevin sighs. Of course not a kid was listening to his story about the actual detective work he does. They weren't interested in that. "Yes-."

"My Daddy is so brave!" Sarah tugs on his arm so Kevin kneels down next to her and she points to the scar on his head. "See? The bullet went in his head and he's still alive! He's like the Hulk!"

Kevin cringed when all of the attention was now on his head. "It didn't go _in_ me, the bullet only skimmed my head. But it wasn't a walk in the park either. That's why we don't play with guns."

"My mom said you almost died!" One child shouts out and then the other children start to exclaim similar sentiments at once. The more they shout, the tighter that Sarah grips onto his hand.

"But I'm okay now. I've been resting and letting myself heal so I'm about as good as new," he says and is glad when Sarah's hand stop squeezing his so hard. He doesn't want her to get upset. "So, who wants to hear about how detectives find their clues?"

"Did your partner really shoot and kill the guy that shot you?"

"Yeah! That's Sarah's uncle- he's a hero!" Abigail joins in the shouting.

"Now he's her dad too because they're boyfriends."

"Ew!"

All of the shouting brings Mrs. Nollen up from her seat. "Class, please behave. You are being very disrespectful to Detective Ryan."

Kevin waves his hand, brushing them off. Children are easily riled up and aren't too keen on talking about adults' love lives. Or at least Kevin hopes that's why the little boy screamed "ew" and not because he has a boyfriend.

Kevin can't stop his smile when he thinks of Javier as _his boyfriend_. He doubts that the thought will ever cease to give him butterflies.

"Yes, my partner did have my back in that alley. But, how about we talk about something else?" Kevin says with a shaky smile. He's not going to flash back to that night when he's standing in front of Sarah's class. "I can tell you all about the computer programs we use to help us in an investigation."

The class looks a little disappointed, but Kevin does his best to make the rest of his story telling just as exciting. When he's finished, the kids all clap for him and he smiles. Class is over when he's done, so Mrs. Nollen dismisses her class.

Kevin turns down to Sarah and says, "Go get your backpack packed and I'll wait for you." He waits for her to run to the back of the classroom where the kids' cubbies are before walking over to a small group of moms by the door. He recognizes them immediately as the class PTA mothers.

Their conversation quiets down when they see him approaching, but he thinks nothing of it. "Hey, Donna, Marie, Tracy.

Donna is the only to respond, "Hello, Kevin."

Kevin tries not to frown even though he feels like he's not welcome in this group, unlike the past two years that Kevin's known them. They've never had a problem with him before, so he's a little lost.

Clearing his throat, he says, "I was just wondering if you were still looking for volunteers to chaperone the class trip. I emailed you letting you know that I could get Javi to cover my shift if I'm not off that day. I'd like to help out."

"Oh, we, um, don't need any more parents…"

Kevin doesn't believe her. "Oh. You're quick since it was only yesterday you sent out the second reminder that three more parents are needed."

Donna pales and her mouth opens and closes like a fish, but no words come out.

Kevin turns to Tracy, ignoring Donna. "And has Ron found a co-coach? He said I could help, but he never got back to me."

Tracy doesn't know what to say about her husband's actions and just gives him a weak shrug. "You know Ronnie."

Kevin just nods. Because he thought he did know Ron. He thought he knew all of these people. But now he's not so sure. "Well, tell him to call if he needs anything and let me know if there's another trip I can-."

"I knew you cops weren't the brightest, but I thought you'd be able to tell when people don't want you around." A new voice comes from behind them and Kevin rolls his eyes.

"Last time I checked I wasn't talking to you, Sal."

"I'm just trying to help these poor ladies who are just looking for a way out of this conversation and away from you." Joseph Saladino, the only parent that Kevin can't stand in Sarah's class, stands next to him.

"I was just asking about any upcoming class activities. You see, unlike you firefighters, I don't get to sleep during my shift so I don't always get to spend all my time at home with my daughter." Kevin smirks and gets ready for Saladino's comeback.

"And unlike fairies, _like you_ , people actually want me around their children. So that's why I'll be going on that trip to spend time with _my son_."

Kevin blinks. He had expected a dig about being a police officer, not a "fairy". It all makes sense now. The papers printed all about him and Javier together; there is no way that Saladino didn't read it. He just hadn't thought Saladino would be the guy to use it against him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Kevin narrows his eyes as he stares up at the man.

"You heard me." Saladino rolls his eyes. "Look around, buddy, are you really surprised? I spend all of this money to send my son to private school to raise him right, not so a homo like you can show up parading around like you're better than everyone else and nothing's changed."

Kevin raises his eyebrows. "What the hell are you talking about? Nothing _has_ changed. I was pansexual when you met me and I'm pansexual now." Saladino makes a disgusted face. "The only difference is you know and decide it's a good enough reason to burn me at the stake."

"I don't want you around our children and they can agree." Saladino nods his head back towards the three women behind him. They're using him as a shield, like they're afraid Kevin is contagious. He watches them nod and feels his stomach churn.

"Are you a grown ass adult or are you in highschool again?" Kevin asks angrily and hates that he feels a lump growing in his throat.

"It's nothing personal, we just don't want you with our children."

"Nothing personal? Singling me out because of my husband sounds pretty personal to me."

"If you really want to, we can try to get you a spot, but first we'd have to ask all the parents if they're comfortable with it. You can understand, I'm sure." His patronizing smile is sickening.

Kevin growls leans closer to the man. Despite him being a few inches shorter than Saladino, he still does his best to intimidate him. "No, I can't understand. You're just a bigoted asshole. Stay the hell away from me and my daughter." He turns around without another word and storms back to where he left Sarah. He wants to get her out of here as soon as possible.

He feels someone nudge his shoulder and his cop instincts kick in and he grabs the arm just above the elbow. His anger dissipates when he realizes that it was meant to be a friendly nudge. He lets go of Abigail's mother's arm with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Michelle. I thought you were Joe."

Michelle smiles. "It's alright." Her smile turns into a frown as she says, "I heard what they said to you and just wanted to see if you were okay."

Kevin chuckles dryly. "Honestly? No. But I'm going to pretend like I am."

"He's just some bully that never grew up. Who cares what he says anyway." She grins and admits, "If it makes you feel any better I wasn't allowed to chaperone either. I guess I'm too much of a loser for their social class."

Kevin laughs softly. Michelle is a wonderful woman and a great friend in Kevin's eyes, but she doesn't care about the hottest clothes or the most expensive make-up so she doesn't fit in well with the other mothers that do. "The loser not sitting with the popular girls and the faggot getting locked in the girl's bathroom. Highschool never ends, does it?"

"Nope." They're silent as they walk back to the children, but Michelle asks, "Hey, do you wanna maybe treat the girls to ice cream after this? I know they've been dying to hang out and ice cream is the best way to cure a frown."

"I wish we could, but I have to get back to work. But maybe this weekend we can figure something out to get the girls together. Sarah never stops talking about Abigail." Speaking of his daughter, she should have herself packed up by now, but she's not here. Kevin frowns and is too distracted by looking for Sarah in the room that he doesn't hear Michelle's answer.

As if on cue, Kevin hears Sarah's voice ring out through the classroom, "Shut up!"

Kevin curses under his breath and hurries to the back of the room where he sees a small group of kids around Little Ryan and Little Saladino in their own heated argument.

"Get away from me, freak!"

" _You_ get away from _me_ , dummy!"

Kevin quickly reaches towards Sarah to pull her close and away from the red faced brat in front of her. He sees her hands curled into fists and knows she'll use them and well- Uncle Javi has her well trained in self defense even at the young age of five.

Saladino pushes past Kevin to get to his own son. "I thought I told you to stay away from him, Ryan!"

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Next time, keep your son away from my daughter." He ushers her out of Saladino Jr's sight before a fight can break out. He ignores Saladino's shouting as he gets Sarah to the front of the room.

Abigail is by her side the entire way. "He's just mean, Sarah. Ignore him."

"Thanks, Abby. I'll see you tomorrow." Sarah smiles and Kevin is glad that at least one of them is letting the anger drain away. He had thought he had taken care of his with a little help from Michelle, but now it's back and Kevin just wants to get home and break something.

Or a hug from Javier would be better. Healthier and much more enjoyable.

"Come on, Sarah," Kevin says, trying to keep his voice steady. "Let's go see Uncle Javi." He steps out of the school heading towards the parking lot.

Sarah stops walking and holds firmly to her dad's hand so he stops too. Kevin furrows his brow and looks down and her with a soft tug of her hand. "Sarah, the car is right there. Just a few more steps."

Sarah ignores him and tugs on his hand until he is kneeling in front of her. She stares at him intently and cups his cheeks in her hands. After a few seconds of her uncomfortable staring, she says, "You're sad. Why are you sad, Daddy?"

Kevin is surprised by her words. "I'm not sad, baby girl."

She frowns. "You're lying." If Sarah doesn't let him go, then he may let a hot tear fall just because of her scrutinization of feelings he was trying so hard to hide. "But I know how to fix sadness."

"How's that, princess?"

"A hug," she says softly before pulling Kevin into a tight squeeze. Her little arms aren't able to fully enclose around him, but it isn't any less comforting. He closes his eyes and lets his shoulders sag. He needed this hug so badly and now that he's got it, life feels just a little more bearable.

"I love you," he whispers into her blonde curls that cover her little ear.

"I love you more." She teases with a smile.

He pulls back and brushes his nose against hers for a quick butterfly kiss. "Impossible."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that reviews. I read each and every one and cherish them all because they make me so happy! (They encourage me to update faster too) So leave me a comment and until next time, 


	18. Chapter 18

"Espo, he'll be here soon. I think you can handle a few hours without your partner," Beckett says, watching as Javier turns back to stare at the elevator.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Javier sighs. "I just can't believe he's leaving me to sift through phone records. _He_ likes doing that." He hopes Beckett can't see through his white lie. The real reason he's so anxious is because he wants to shove Kevin into the nearest closet and steal a kiss or two once he finally comes back.

Beckett eyes him warily; she can tell he's up to something. "Just get to work, Javi. I want to get everything done before dinner tonight."

"Why dinner?" Javier asks as he scrolls through their victim's latest calls list.

"Remember Castle wanted to 'celebrate' at the loft? That's tonight."

"Oh, right. Did you want me and Kev to bring something over for des-?" Javier's attention is dragged away from Beckett when he hears the elevator door open. He smiles when he sees the other half of his little family exit hand in hand.

Javier stands up to meet them halfway. "Hey, baby," he whispers with a smile. "How did it go?"

"Good." Kevin musters the best smile he can so he doesn't worry Javier.

But Javier can see right through him. "Kev…" He looks down to see Sarah wearing a slight frown and his head snaps back to Kevin. Now he can easily see the hurt swimming in his eyes. Javier knows that Kevin wants one, so he pulls him into a hug. He rubs Kevin's back and whispers, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I'm okay, Javi," Kevin says, his voice cracking when he tries to keep it steady.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"When Sarah's not around." Kevin gave a smaller, but more sincere smile.

"And how is my little leprechaun?" Javier leans down and picks up Sarah in his arms. He settles her against his hip and tickles her belly with his fingers. "Why are you frowning?"

Sarah's giggling, but Javier retracts his fingers so she can answer him. "I was sad because Daddy looked so sad."

Javier uses his free hand to pull Kevin close to his side. "I gave him a nice hug so I think he's feeling better now."

Sarah looks at Kevin and shakes her head back at Javier. "No, the hug didn't help."

Javier can tell she's teasing so he plays along with a smile. "Then what will help?"

Sarah pretends to think, "Hmm...ice-cream! But he wants a lot so he can share with me."

"Oh, really?" He turns back to Kevin and his playful smirk turns into a suggestive one. "I don't have ice-cream, but I do have something better." All thoughts of sneaking away to a dark closet are lost when Javier thinks, 'screw this' and he kisses Kevin's lips softly with his own.

Sarah squeals and hides her head in Javier's neck. Javier laughs into the kiss and feels Kevin smile against him.

"What the hell?"

Javier quickly parts when Beckett's voice startles him. He sees Castle and Beckett both staring at the three. Beckett looks confused and Castle looks like he just won the lotto. For the rest of the precinct that believed that Kevin and Javier were together from the beginning, it's not weird for them to see the two share a kiss, but for Castle and Beckett it's a different story.

"Ry, I knew you'd make a move." Castle grins as he walks over to them, Beckett trailing behind, still as confused as ever.

"I'm sorry, is this part of your cover? I thought you were cleared?" Beckett whispers. "That's why we're having dinner tonight."

"Now we're having dinner tonight to celebrate these two." Castle grins and puts an arm around each boy's shoulder and pulls them close to his sides.

A smile grows on Beckett's face. "Congrats, you two." She pulls them from Castle to give them a hug.

"I am feeling very manhandled right now and I don't like it," Javier says as Beckett squeezes him.

"Last time I checked, you like to be manhandled." Kevin raises his eyebrows with a sultry smirk.

Castle is quick to cover Sarah's ears with her hands. "And last time I checked, your five-year-old daughter is right here."

"Yeah, you can manhandle me all you want later when she's sleeping, babe."

"No!" Sarah yells, a little too loudly because Castle is still covering her ears. "But, there's a party tonight at Uncle Rick and Aunt Katie's!"

Castle removes his hands and whispers, "Don't call it a party or else Daddy won't let you go."

"Castle," Kevin sighs. "It's a school night…"

"That's why we're only having dinner." Castle grins.

"Please, Daddy?" Sarah pleads from her spot in Javier's arms. "It'll be so much fun!"

Kevin looks at her and nods his head slowly. Maybe dinner together with everyone would make him feel better.

When Castle hears a knock, he smiles and walks out of the kitchen towards the front door. Dinner had just been taken out of the oven and placed on the table. On the menu tonight is a pan of Castle's delicious lasagna. Martha had offered to make something, but Castle was quick to steer her towards preparing the drinks.

"Hey, Castle," Kevin says from the other side of the doorway. He has Sarah's hand in his and Javier is standing behind them.

"Come in, my good sirs." Looking down at Sarah, he winks. "And princess." Castle's grin falters when he doesn't get a smile back. Kevin sighs above her and Castle can tell something is wrong. "Hey, Sarah, why don't you head upstairs and get Alexis down here. She's hiding in the den."

Sarah nods and hurries towards the stairs without a second glance. Once she's gone, Castle turns to Kevin and Javier. "What's wrong with her? Is she feeling okay?"

"I don't know." Kevin shakes his head with his eyebrows knit in worry. "She's been acting like that ever since we got home. She won't talk to either of us."

"Did something happen at school?" Castle asks, worried for her like he would be with his own daughter.

Kevin hesitates before he answers, "Yeah, but, I don't understand...she seemed fine when we left. She was the one trying to make _me_ feel better." Castle bites his tongue when he wants to ask what had Kevin feeling upset. "I asked her about it, but she just stares at me and seems to get even sadder." He sighs. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just doing something wrong."

"Hey," Javier says, firmly, "Don't say that. It's not you. She's a little kid and sometimes they get upset. That is not your fault." He squeezes Kevin's wrist softly. "We'll figure it out."

"He's right, Ryan. Speaking from experience of having a little girl of my own, they're a handful sometimes. And when they're upset they tend to shut out the world, especially overbearing fathers." He gives Kevin a smile, hoping to calm his nerves. He remembers his early years of being a single parent to his little girl and feeling like he was always in the wrong all too well. "How about you two go in the dining room and see if you can help mother and Kate with the table and I'll go talk to her."

Kevin's shoulders deflate slightly. "Thanks, Castle. Just call me if you need me." He gives one last worried look to the staircase.

"I'll be fine." Castle turns to Javier. "Will you tell your husband to stop worrying so much?"

Javier rolls his eyes. "I don't say this a lot, but Castle's right, Kev. Maybe she just needs to speak to someone that _isn't_ her father. It'll make it easier."

"Okay, okay." Kevin nods and grabs Javier's hand. "Now drag me to the kitchen before I change my mind."

Javier laughs and does as he's told leaving Castle standing by himself in the living room. He glances to the stairs for a moment before starting his way up them. He thought his days of cajoling little girls to smile again were long over.

Taking one step at a time, he passes Alexis on the way. "Where's Sarah?"

"She's sitting on my bed. But, she's really quiet, I was was actually on my way to get Kevin," Alexis says.

"No, he's having me talk to her and see what's up." Alexis raises her eyebrows, but says nothing. "Hey," Castle says defensively. "Uncle Rick is here to save the day."

"God help us," Alexis says, but she's smiling.

Castle sticks his tongue at her because he is very mature and continues walking up the stairs. He heads straight for Alexis' bedroom and sees Sarah Grace sitting on her pillows, holding Alexis' old teddy bear in her hands.

Castle walks over and takes a seat beside her and all he says is, "I didn't get my hug tonight. What's up with that?" He asks and then goes silent, just waiting for something. The key to getting her to talk is to let her do it on her own so she doesn't feel pressured.

After a few moments, Sarah pulls the bear to her chest and in a low voice asks, "Are Daddy and Uncle Javier sick?"

Castle frowns. "Not that I know. They seem healthy to me. Why?"

Again, Sarah doesn't answer him. She makes it a game to ask weird questions and it's Castle's job to put them all together to solve the mystery. "Do you like them? Daddy and Uncle Javi?"

Castle puts a hand on Sarah's small shoulder to turn her to face him. He waits until she's looking into his eyes before saying, "Do I like them? Those two are my best friends, Sarah."

"Even though they're married? You _still_ like them?" Her soft voice sounds close to breaking and that breaks Castle's heart.

"Yes, of course I do." Castle responds immediately. "Do you?"

She nods her head. "I do. But, some of my friends left." She looks down at her lap to play with the ears on the teddy bear. "Mary told me her mom said we couldn't be friends anymore. She doesn't want Mary to see Daddy and Uncle Javi together."

Castle does the best he can to hide his disgust at parents teaching their children to be as homophobic as them. "Who needs them?. You have plenty of other friends."

Sarah looks up with a small smile. "Abby is my friend. I said that she didn't have to be my friend anymore if she didn't want to. But she stayed. She said that she doesn't care that I have two dads."

Castle feels his own smile come back. "There you go. All you need is one great friend."

Sarah laughs and whispers, "Don't tell Daddy, but during our free-time we write perfect dates they could go on in our journals. We have lots of ideas. Abby says we should give it to them for their annivers'ry so they can do them all."

Castle chuckles. "Show me that list before you give it to him. I could help give a few ideas." He pulls Sarah close to his side and she rests her head against him. "See, who needs everyone else?

"I ignore them now when they stare. But it's hard to ignore being called a freak."

"Who calls you that?" Castle holds her tighter, wanting to punch whoever called his beautiful niece such a name. Even if the culprit is a 5-year-old.

"Anthony Saladino. But he made fun of me before he found out Daddy and Uncle Javi got together. I try to ignore him, I really do, but he just makes me so mad!" Sarah curls her little hands into fists.

Castle pulls her up into his lap so she straddling his legs, but facing him. "Anthony only says all that stuff because he's jealous."

Sarah wrinkles her nose with a soft huff that reminds Castle so much of her father. "Why?"

"Because you are such a beautiful little girl and he knows he will never have a friend like you. And two, he makes fun of your Dads because he wishes his parents loved each other as much as they do."

Sarah's face softens. "Really?"

"Really."

Sarah smiles. "They are really happy together. Daddy hasn't smiled this much since Mommy."

"Exactly!" Castle grins. "Why should you let other people make you feel bad for loving who you love. Your Daddy is still the great man I knew, dating boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So the next time someone bothers you about them just tell them that and they'll leave you alone."

"What if they don't listen?"

"Then you gotta make 'em listen."

Sarah nods with a determined face and then it softens as she leans forward to pull Castle into a hug. "Thanks, Uncle Rick."

Castle hugs her right back. "No problem, Sarah. No go down and see your Daddy. He's very worried about you."

Sarah frowns and Castle can see how guilty she looks for upsetting her father. She slides off of Castle's lap and says, "Come on, I have to give Daddy his hug now."

Castle follows her out of the room and she hurries down the steps and rushes immediately into Kevin's arms. He's caught off guard, but when the surprise fades, he pulls her up into his arms and curls her protectively to his chest.

"Love you, Daddy," Sarah says very softly.

Kevin tells his daughter the same before looking to Castle with a watery smile and mouths, 'Thank you.'

Castle waves his hand like it was nothing. He'd do anything for Kevin, or anyone else, for that matter, in their little family.

Kevin walks out of Sarah's room quietly, having just put Sarah down to bed. Javier's waiting for him. Knowing that they now have the night to themselves, Kevin grins and grabs Javier's hand. He leads him down the hall and away from Sarah's bedroom until they're standing in the center of the living room.

"Finally alone," Kevin hums and leans up for a kiss, but the look on Javier's face stops him. "What's wrong, Javi?"

Javier takes Kevin's other hand in his. "Kevin, what happened today?"

Kevin can't meet Javier's eyes. "Nothing happened. Joseph Saladino was just busting my chops."

Javier places his fingers under Kevin's chin to lift his head up to look him in the eyes. "You know I can easily tell when you're lying to me."

"Javi...it's nothing really." Kevin sighs."Don't worry about it."

"I will worry about it until you tell me what's wrong." Javier stands his ground and looks hard into Kevin's eyes.

Kevin tries to not say a word, but he knows he won't be able to keep it from Javier for long. "I can't chaperone Sarah's class trip." The worry on Javier's face is replaced by confusion. "And I can't help coach the baseball team."

"There will be other things you can help out with, Kevin. Don't worry," Javier says, trying to make Kevin feel better.

"No. I can't. I'm not allowed to." Kevin shakes his head and feels his throat close up.

"I know parents are only allowed to help out once a year, but you haven't gone yet." Javier rubs his arm soothingly. "You'll get your turn."

"No, I won't. They don't want people like me around their kids," Kevin mumbles.

"LIke what?" Javier frowns and tries to meet Kevin's eyes again.

Kevin scoffs. "Faggot, homo, fairy. Take your pick."

Javier is quiet for a moment, but then he goes still. "Those fucking...who said that to you?" Kevin doesn't say a word. "Who said that to you, Kevin?"

"The moms don't want me around, but Saladino made that very clear for me."

Javier curses again and jerks away from Kevin. "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch. He's a dead man."

Kevin reaches out towards him. "Please don't get upset. This is why I didn't want to tell you."

As if Javier doesn't hear him, he continues to rant, "Who the hell does he think he is? The next time I see that dick, I'm going to cut his balls off and hang him by the neck with them." He starts pacing around the living room.

"No, you're not going to touch him. Just calm down, please." Kevin grabs his hand again. "I've heard crap like that before. It doesn't bother me."

Javier turns around to face Kevin. He's angry, but not at his partner. "It looked like it bothered you this afternoon. And it definitely bothers me."

Kevin groans. It had bothered him, but Javier doesn't need to know that. "He's just an ass, okay? Don't get yourself in any more trouble. _Please_."

"He's the one that got himself in trouble when he treated you like that. If I _ever_ hear him talk to you like that, he will be a dead man. He doesn't know you. He doesn't know what a wonderful man and father you are. He doesn't know how much you mean to me. And he just decides that it's okay to make you feel like shit." Javier curls his hands into fists. "You're _my_ partner! You're _my_ best friend! You're _my_ love! So why does _he_ think it's okay to make you feel that way? Just so he can have some fun? Well, that's not okay with me! So if I get into trouble for putting that dick in his place, so be it."

Javier is red in the face and fuming by now. His breathing is heavy and ragged from getting himself so worked up. He notices that Kevin hasn't said a word, so he turns to look at him and sees that Kevin is staring wide-eyed at him.

"What?" Javier asks, coming closer to Kevin. "What's wrong?"

"Did you just...call me your love?" Kevin asks hesitantly.

Javier has to think about it. He said a lot in the past few minutes; he has no clue what he said exactly. He doesn't know if he was supposed to say it in the first place so he remains quiet.

"You did. You called me your love," Kevin says as a smile slowly spreads across his face.

"Were you not listening to anything I said? I'm still pissed at Saladino and the fact that you were trying to hide it from me. Didn't you ever stop to think about how I-." Javier is interrupted when Kevin wraps his hands around Javier's neck to pull him into a kiss.

"I love you too," Kevin whispers against his lips.

Hearing those words from him, Javier realizes that it's the first time that they've said they love each other. He likes the way it sounds. Wrapping his own hands around Kevin's waist to pull him into a kiss, he says, "Why don't we say that more often?"

Kevin shrugs his shoulders. "I was waiting for you to say it first."

"Maybe I was for _you_ to say it."

"Well, then it's a good thing you got yourself all riled up, huh?" Kevin grins and leans closer to steal a quick kiss. "You're cute when you're angry."

"I'm gonna look even cuter the next time I see him because he's not getting away with this." Javier shakes his head. "I'll cut his tongue off if I have to."

Kevin rolls his eyes. "Okay, I believe you. But I think right now we should be focusing on better, more important things. Like the fact that Sarah is finally sleeping in her in bed and ours is child-free."

"I like the sound of that." Javier grins, taking Kevin's hand and walking backwards to their bedroom.

"I knew you would." Kevin lean forward and slips a hand around Javier's hardening erection. "I can make you forget all about what Saladino said."

Javier shivers at the touch. "No, I'm going to be the one that makes-." Kevin's grip tightens slightly causing Javier to stutter. When he regains his composure he continues, "You forget about everything he told you. Because you are worth so much more."

"Castle," Kevin says, coming over to their desk where his three partners are sitting. "I wanted to thank you again for talking to Sarah."

Castle smiles over at him as he takes a seat. "It was no problem. All she needed was someone to talk to."

Kevin fidgets at his desk, trying to act like his interest is in his papers. "What did she, uh, want to talk about?"

Javier rolls his eyes and puts his arm around Kevin. "I told you, Kev, it's not our business. If she wanted to talk to us she would have." Javier turns to Castle. "He's just upset she told you why she was sad and not him."

Beckett leans over to rub Kevin's arm comfortingly. "Don't worry about it, Ryan. Sometimes a girl needs to talk to someone that's not her dad."

"If she can't trust me now, how is she supposed to trust me later? I don't want her going to someone else with her problems." Kevin shakes his head.

Beckett looks over at Javier with an amused grin before turning back to Kevin. "You're taking this very seriously, huh?"

"You have no idea," Javier says with a laugh.

Kevin looks pleadingly at Castle. "Please just tell me what she wanted to talk about. I won't tell her."

"I can't do that, Kevin. I promised her." He watches Kevin frown and smiles down at him. "But I can promise _you_ that you have nothing to be worried about. She's fine. You know if it was something important or dangerous I'd tell you."

Kevin nods his head. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, Castle. I'm glad she has someone to talk to if not me."

"It's no problem, Kevin, really. Any-." Castle is interrupted by the ringing of Kevin's phone.

Kevin reads the caller ID, "It's Sarah's school." He immediately picks up the phone with even more worry. "Hello? Yes, this is her father." He nods as he listens to the other voice on the phone. "Okay, I'll be right there."

Once he hangs up, the other three are staring curiously at Kevin. "What's wrong?" Javier asks, obviously concerned.

"Sarah's in the principal's office." He stands up from his chair.

"What happened?" Beckett asks.

"I don't know. Her principal wants to wait until I'm at the office. She didn't sound very happy though." Kevin turns and pats Javier on the shoulder. "You coming?"

Javier raises his eyebrows. "You want me to come with you?"

Kevin furrows his eyebrows and frowns. "If you're gonna be her father you have to be there for the bad times too. We're in this together, babe."

Javier smiles slightly and stands up to his feet to follow Kevin out of the bullpen. He is not excited to go see Sarah in the principal's office, but he can't wait to start being there for Sarah like her own dad.

Principal Shelton stands up from her desk when Javier and Kevin walk into her office. "Thank you for coming in, gentlemen."

Sitting across from her desk is Sarah and Anthony and his father. Kevin and Javier take the two empty seats next to Saladino. Kevin's eyes immediately go to his daughter to see if she's okay. There's not a scratch on her, but when he looks over at Anthony he sees dried blood on his upper lip.

"What happened?" Kevin's eyes narrowed, knowing that Saladino's kid no doubt started the trouble.

"Your daughter punched Anthony across the face, that's what happened!" Saladino yells angrily from his seat.

Principle Shelton holds her hands up to calm him down. "Please, take it easy. I don't wish to start another fight. Your children think it's okay and they start their own."

Kevin glares at Saladino and Javier grumbles under his breath. Saladino raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Ah, you brought lover boy along. How sweet."

"I show you sweet when I'm knocking all of your teeth from your mouth," Javier threatens.

Principle Shelton clears her throat, looking displeased at the adults. "Can you three behave yourselves for a half hour? And you wonder where the children get it from." She shakes her head and waits for them to quiet down before continuing, "I'm going to let them tell you what happened."

Not a second later, Anthony opens up his mouth to tattle. "Sarah Grace punched me! She made me bleed!"

"That's because you were being mean!" Sarah snaps right back. She is a sweet little girl but when she's angered she's a fireball.

"Sarah," Principle Shelton interrupts sternly. "Just because he was being mean does not give you the right to punch him. You know better."

Saldino leans forward. "Or maybe she doesn't. Look how she's being raised." He jerks his head towards Kevin and Javier.

Kevin ignores him, but Javier leans around him and points his finger. "Watch your mouth."

"Mr. Saladino, please, I won't ask you again." She turns back to Sarah. "Sarah, can you tell me what happened before you punched him."

Sarah fidgets in her seat, but remains quiet.

Kevin rubs her back soothingly. "It's okay, baby. I won't be mad."

Sarah nods and takes a deep breath. "We were arguing about yesterday and he kept saying such mean stuff. I told him he was wrong!" Tears are falling down her cheeks now. "And he said such a bad word and I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I had to show him he was wrong."

"What was he wrong about?" Principle Shelton's voice softens when she notices Sarah crying.

"They're not sick. I promise. I love them so much." She hiccups, looking down at her lap.

"Who, Sarah?"

Sarah looks up and turns around to glance at Kevin and Javier before turning back to her lap. She doesn't say a word.

Principle Shelton sighs and turns to Anthony. "Do you want to tell me who you were calling sick that upset Sarah so much?"

"Nobody," he says quickly.

"You're lying!" Sarah whips her head around to face her principle. "He said he didn't want me to get him sick like Daddy and Uncle Javi. He called them-." She stops short and looks back down at her lap.

"What did he say, Sarah?"

"I can't say the word," she whispers.

"Yes, you can. You won't get in any trouble," Principle Shelton promises. Sarah shakes her head and refuses to speak. The principle sighs and knows she won't get anymore of of her. Turning her head, she faces Anthony and says, "And you wouldn't happen to want to tell me what you said."

She doesn't get an answer so she sighs heavily and turns her attention back to the adults. "I think there was just some leftover tension from their argument yesterday. But that does not excuse their behavior. The language or the physical violence will not be tolerated from anyone in this school."

"We understand," Kevin agrees with a small nod of his head.

"So do I. Maybe next time my son won't be pushed around because someone is a little too sensitive." Saladino leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.

"You're just pissed that our girl knocked your son clean." Javier glares at him. "She put him in his place."

"Are you saying that you're glad my son was _punched_ by his daughter?" Saladino growls, leaning out of his chair.

"I'm saying you need to learn how to raise your son better. So he stops bothering _our_ daughter." Javier is about to stand up from his chair, but Kevin grabs his hand.

"Gentlemen, please calm down," Principle Shelton sighs. "Seeing you fight will only make them think it's okay."

Kevin speaks up so Javier doesn't have another chance to fight back with Saladino. "Mrs. Shelton, I can promise you this won't happen again. Sarah knows better than to use violence to solve her problems." He looks pointedly at his daughter.

"He wouldn't listen to me! I had to make him listen!" She defends herself.

"Next time just ignore him or tell a teacher, okay?" Kevin rubs her shoulder and she nods.

Principle Shelton clears her throat. "I don't want to have to suspend either of them. They're only children. But now that they know what they've done is wrong, if I see it again I will have no choice." She smiles down at Anthony and Sarah. "So why don't we apologize to each other and put this in the past, hmm?"

Neither child moves, so Javier nudges Sarah's shoulder slightly. She stares back at him and he gives her a look. She sighs and turns to Anthony. "I'm sorry I had to punch you in the face for being a such a meanie jerk."

" _Sarah_ ," Kevin warns.

She sighs heavily and corrects herself, "I'm sorry that I made your nose bleed."

Saladino says, "It's your turn now, Tony." He doesn't sound happy, but he knows it's the right thing.

"I'm sorry I was mean to you." He sounds at least a little regretful for what he'd done. Though it may be just because it gave him a bloody nose.

"Hurting people isn't nice, using our words or fists," Principle Shelton says. "And Sarah, I understand you were upset but you cannot just punch someone when they say something you don't like. And Anthony, yes, Sarah has two fathers, but that does not make her any different from you. I don't want to hear any more foul language from your mouth again." She looks between the two. "Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mrs. Shelton," Anthony and Sarah both say with no enthusiasm.

"Very good. You can leave, but if I see you two here again there will be consequences." She nods her head. "Go on, you're excused for the remainder of the day. Tomorrow is a new day."

After a second, the adults stand up and thank the principal for her time. Well, Kevin and Javier do while Saladino just grunts and takes his son's hand to lead him out of the office. Kevin and Javier follow close behind with Sarah. Kevin takes her hand and leads her down the hallway to get away from Saladino without starting a scene in front of the kids.

Javier watches as Saladino leads Anthony down the other way to the exit of the other parking lot. Turning quickly to Kevin, he says, "Go on ahead, I forgot the keys in her office."

Kevin looks hesitant, but he nods anyway. "We'll wait by the car for you."

Javier leans over to kiss Kevin's lips chastely. "I love you." He loves the way Kevin smiles as his cheeks flush slightly at the attention.

"Love you too," Kevin whispers before continuing down the hall.

Javier waits for Kevin to disappear around the corner before his smile is replaced by a determined glare. He hurries the other way following Saladino before he leaves. Anthony is running down the hall challenging his father to a race. Javier uses the chance to get Saladino by himself.

He grabs Saladino's shoulder and puts a fake smile on his face. "Hey, buddy, I've been meaning to talk to you."

Salaino pauses and his eyes flicker to Javier's tight grip on his shoulder. "What do you want?"

"I heard about your conversation you had with my partner yesterday. I didn't like what you said." His faux smile is gone and Javier practically growls, "And if I _ever_ hear you talk to him like that again…well, I'll leave that to your imagination." Javier chuckles dryly. "But just remember whatever you imagine, I will do hundredfold worse."

Saladino's widen a fraction of an inch and he pales at hearing Javier's threat. "Esposito-."

"Shut up, okay? Just shut up and listen to me: stay away from my family or else you'll regret it." Javier finally lets go of his bruising grip on Saladino's shoulder when they hear Anthony calling from down the hall.

"Hey, Dad, you coming?"

Javier brings back his fake smile. "Well, I'll let you go then." He pats him on the chest and turns around to go, leaving Saladino standing in the hall.

Javier swiftly turns around and walks back the way he came to catch up with Kevin and Sarah. He exits the school and see their car up front. He makes his way over to where Kevin is leaning over in the back seat to buckle Sarah up. He comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Kevin's waist.

Once he's finished, Kevin pulls himself out of the car and straightens his back. He leans back against Javier's chest and hums with a smile. "You found them? Everything okay?"

Javier kisses just behind Kevin's ear. "Everything is perfect, mi amor."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming close to the end! There is one chapter and an epilogue left.
> 
> I hope you're still enjoying it and I enjoy reading each and every one of your comments! Thank you all so much for reading!
> 
> Until next time,


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is loooong overdue!! I haven't updated in two months and i'm very sorry. I was busy with final exams, I went away to a camp and then I went away on vacation and I had no time to write. Here it is now though and I hope you like it:)
> 
> Thanks once again to my amazing beta, TXMedic for fixing this up for me.

 

Kevin waits until they're home before he sits Sarah down to have a talk with her. She doesn't look very happy and she knows she was wrong. Javier sits down next to him per Kevin's request. His opinion in raising Sarah is just as important as Kevin's.

"Sarah, you know you cannot act like that. I don't care what Anthony said to you," Kevin says once they're all settled.

"I had to." Sarah stares down at her lap. "He wouldn't listen and I had to make him."

"Why did you have to make him? You could have ignored him."

"I tried to ignore him. He wouldn't stop." Sarah continues to pout.

"But violence isn't the answer. You should have just gone to a teacher or let him get bored. If you give him a reaction, he'll think it's a funny game," Javier says softly and Sarah finally looks up.

"I'm sorry," Sarah sniffles. "I just don't like it when he makes fun of you."

Javier and Kevin both feel their hearts break as a single tear runs down her cheek. "Come here, baby girl." Kevin scoots away from Javier to give Sarah room to snuggle herself between them. "He only says that stuff because he doesn't understand."

Sarah's little arms wrap around their hips and she pulls them close to her side. "So you're not sick?" She asks in a quiet voice.

"No, we're not sick. We're very happy." Kevin smiles over at Javier. "Bullies like Saladino don't bother us. Right, Javi?"

"It'll take a lot more than a few mean words to get to me. But nothing could ever make me regret falling in love with you." Javier leans closer for a kiss and Kevin leans forward as well until their lips touch.

"Eww," Sarah squeals from underneath them and tries to slip off the couch, but Kevin keeps her secure in his arms. "Go kiss somewhere else!"

Not a second later, Kevin's phone starts to ring and interrupts them. Kevin grudgingly pulls away to get his phone from his pocket. Sarah takes the distraction as an opportunity to run to her freedom. But Javier catches her around the waist and lifts her into his lap. "You can't escape me, leprechaun."

Her giggles start the moment that Javier starts to tickle her belly. "Stop, stop, Uncle Javi!" She gasps, trying to catch her breath between the giggles.

Kevin answers his phone, smiling at his husband and daughter. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ryan, just wanted to check up and see if everything is okay with Sarah."

Ryan smiles. "We're fine, Castle. She just had a little disagreement with a boy in her class and decided punching him would be the answer."

"Ouch. Now at least he knows not to mess with Sarah Grace." Castle laughs. "I knew she always had a bite in her."

"It's not going to happen again. We told her that even if he doesn't listen to what she's telling him, she can't force him to by giving him a bloody nose. I don't even know where she got _that_ idea from."

Castle hesitates before chuckling nervously. "Yeah, about that…"

Kevin narrows his eyes even though the writer can't see him. "Castle, what did you do?"

"Last night when she talked to me...she was having trouble with a kid in her class being mean. So I told her not to let him push her around; she had to show him she wasn't going to let him treat her like that," Castle explains slowly.

"So you told her to punch him?"

"What? No! But...I didn't tell her not to."

"Castle," Kevin groans, "seriously? She was almost suspended and then I had to deal with Saladino being an ass."

"Hey, relax, Ryan. Maybe now he'll leave her alone."

Kevin scoffs. "Now you're starting to sound like Javi. He asked Sarah how much did he cry after she punched him."

Castle laughs. "Sounds like you need some time off. You two never did get your honeymoon."

"As great as that sounds, Castle, there is no time off when you have a five-year-old daughter." Kevin tries not to think about how nice it would be to have Javier all to himself even for just a day.

"So then bring her with you. I'll tell you what, you three can join Beckett, Alexis, Mother and I on a weekend trip to the Hamptons. It'll be fun." Kevin can practically hear the smile in Castle's voice.

"Castle," Kevin pauses when one of Sarah's giggles turns into a shriek. "I don't know. I shouldn't be rewarding her for her behavior."

"It's not rewarding her: it's taking her mind off of everything and letting her cool down so she doesn't go in after the weekend and punch Bigot Jr. again."

"Fine," Kevin relents, but before Castle can start cheering, he says, "I'll _think_ about it."

"Start thinking fast, buddy. We're heading out tomorrow."

Kevin nods. "I just have to talk to Javi about it. If we do go, maybe you can explain to my daughter that you don't condone beating up other schoolmates."

Castle laughs. "No promises there if they deserve a good black eye."

" _Castle_."

"I'm kidding. Talk to you later, Ry," Castle says before hanging up.

After Kevin puts his phone down, he turns to where Javier is still mercilessly tickling Sarah. He smiles and finally helps her get away. He pulls her into his arms and blows a wet raspberry kiss into her cheek. "Time for bed, baby girl."

She jumps off of his lap and is about to run towards her room when Kevin grabs her hand. "Hey, where are our kisses?"

Sarah sighs and pretends to look inconvenienced by his request, but she comes back to their sides with a wide smile. "Love you, Daddy, Uncle Javi." She kisses each of their lips before dashing down the hall to get ready for bed.

"Sarah," Kevin calls out before she gets far. "Please no more acting like you did today. I don't want to be called into the principal's office again."

"Yes, Daddy." She nods and continues down the hall.

Once she's out of their sight, Kevin feels himself pulled into Javier's lap. "What's this? Finally we're all alone." Javier's lips are immediately on his neck, suking a soon to be dark bruise.

Kevin laughs and fixes his legs so he's straddling Javier. "I'm not having sex on the couch when Sarah is still awake and running about."

"She's going to sleep, come on," Javier whispers in Kevin's ear. "There's so many places we haven't tried it yet...the shower, the kitchen table, the back of Chad, the precinct." He winks and Kevin feels his erection grow.

"You know, Castle invited us to his house over the weekend. There's the pool, the jacuzzi, the beach…"

"That's it, baby, get creative." Javier grins.

Kevin laughs as Javier lifts him into the air. He wraps his arms around Javier's neck to keep himself steady and asks, "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere where we won't be disturbed for the rest of the night."

* * *

"I knew I'd convince you!" Castle is standing in the driveway of the Hampton with a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, you're just lucky we had the weekend off." Kevin grins walking over to the writer, who is already dressed in his bathing suit and t-shirt. Castle may not officially work at the precinct, but he makes sure he comes in dressed professionally so it's new for Kevin not to see him in one of his expensive button downs.

"You clean up nice," Castle says, noticing the same thing about Kevin's t-shirt and shorts. Castle claps the Irishman on the shoulder. "I didn't know you owned something other than a three-piece suit."

Kevin rolls his eyes fondly and opens his mouth to shoot back a quick retort, but a crash by the car catches their attention. Sarah is urging Uncle Javi to hurry up as she skips over in her big heart shaped sunglasses that are too big and take up half her face, but she insisted on buying them. A few seconds later, Javier trails behind with an arm full off beach and pool toys and their overnight bags.

He passes by Castle and Kevin, breaking his silent concentration and says sarcastically, "Thanks for the help, babe."

Kevin smiles cheekily. "You're welcome, dear."

Javier just grumbles half heartedly and follows Sarah to the backyard. Kevin stifles a laugh when he sees Javier drop some of the toys to the ground. Javier's about to bend down and balance the rest in order to pick up the two shovels, but Kevin gives in and helps him out. Kevin picks it up and leans forward to take some of the toys from Javier. Before he pulls away, he drops a kiss on Javier's cheek.

"You do know I have my own pool stuff here, right?" Castle asks, coming up behind the boys.

"Sarah refused to leave without it all. You're lucky she only came with one bag, though she couldn't decide which bathing suit she wanted to wear so she brought all three." Kevin lifts up Sarah's bag, stuffed to its capacity.

"What about the other four she keeps here?" Castle asks with raised eyebrows and a smile.

Kevin just shakes his head. "Let's hope that's the most trouble she gives us this weekend." He watches as she runs around the pool and over to Martha's deck chair.

She crashes into her and Martha uses one arms to pull Sarah in for a hug and uses the other to keep her drink steady. "Hi, Grammy," Sarah says as she pulls away from the warm hug.

"Hello to you too, darling. How's my little one doing?" Martha smiles warmly down at the little girl in her arms.

Kevin smiles at the two as he drops his daughter's toys on the nearest chair. Marth hadn't asked Sarah to call her Grammy nor had Kevin told her to. She had caught on to Alexis calling her Gram and decided to be Martha's grandchild as well. No one was going to stop her.

"I'm going swimming!" Sarah jumps up and down on her toes.

"First let's put your clothes away and get changed." Kevin holds his hand out for her to take.

"Go on and listen to your father. The water will still be here when you get back." Martha pats her bottom and Sarah hurries over.

Kevin grabs her hand. "We'll be right back."

Javier is right on his heels. "Are you changing too?" His hand reaches out to pinch Kevin's ass.

"Don't scar Sarah!" Castle calls after them with a shake of his head.

As it turns out, they don't have time to scar Sarah because they are back down and changed in a few minutes. "No luck, huh, Espo?" Castle asks with a grin and is that the start of a pout he sees?

"Hey, Castle, do you keep the heater running all night? I don't want the water chilly when me and Kev come down for a midnight swim." Javier winks over at the writer.

"Hey," Castle says, waving his finger. "No skinny dipping in my pool!"

"Try and stop us," Javier taunts with a smirk, patting Castle's cheek.

Beckett laughs, coming to her husband's rescue, "Don't worry, babe, they won't dare disrupt us since _we_ already dibbed the pool tonight."

"Maybe that makes me all the more excited," Javier says, making a show of looking Castle and Beckett up and down. "You two, me and Ryan..." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"You're disgusting, Javier Esposito." Beckett slaps his arm and goes over to where Alexis is lounging in the sun.

"Hey, don't dish it out if you can't take it right back!" Javier calls back with a wide grin. He laughs at the face Beckett makes.

"Sarah, if you don't stay put you have to go back inside," Kevin's stern voice brings Javier's attention to the two on the seat beside him. Kevin is attempting to rub sunblock on Sarah's exposed skin, but she keeps wriggling in his arms.

"I don't like this!" She scrunches her nose. "It smells."

"You'll thank me later when you're not burnt to a crisp." Kevin slathers her up until her skin has a slight white coating. The moment that he closes the tube, she is up and running back to the pool. She cannonballs in without hesitating.

Kevin stands up to cool down in the pool as well, but Javier grabs his hand. "Nope, Irish. You need your own UV protection too."

Kevin groans. "Javi, I'm a grown man, I don't-."

"Do you remember last year Memorial Day weekend? Because I do." He mocks Kevin in a high falsetto voice. " _Javi, my shoulders hurt. Javi, can you buy me more Aloe? Javi, I am never stepping in the sun again._ That is not happening again." He takes the sunblock from Kevin's hand and squirts a generous amount on his fingers. "Sit."

Kevin falls to the seat and pulls off his shirt, exposing his milky chest and the freckles that decorate his shoulders. Javier sits behind him and gets to work massaging the cool cream into Kevin's already warm skin. He takes his time to cover every inch of his skin. "You can thank your Ma for this. She's as pale as Casper and your Dad isn't any better."

"We can't all have your perfect complexion."

Javier laughs and says, "Turn around." Kevin listens and Javier covers Kevin's chest and then his face. He leans forward and whispers, "If we didn't have an audience, I would have made that last much longer."

"You really know how to make a man feel special, huh?" Kevin grins. "Maybe we can sneak a little fun down by the shore while Sarah runs through her energy-."

Before he can finish his sentence, Sarah yells, "Daddy, come play with me! Let's race!" Sarah splashes at them from the side of the pool.

Javier chuckles. "You spoke too soon."

Kevin pushes himself up off of the seat. "I should make you come in."

Javier leans back on the cushioned chair. "Nah, I think I'll just watch."

Kevin just rolls his eyes before jumping into the pool next to where Sarah is treading water. "Looks like I'm going to be the fun dad…" he trails off in a sing song voice.

"Go ahead," Javier says leaning back. "You'll also be the sore dad tomorrow morning too. So you have your fun." He doesn't say a word as he watches Sarah come up behind Kevin, jump on his back and wrap her arms around his neck.

"Gotcha, Daddy!" She giggles in his ear.

"Yes, you've got me alright." He grabs onto her to keep her clinging to his back and starts to carry her around the pool.

Javier watches with a smile on his face as the two swim around the pool. Every so often Kevin looks back over to Javier and grins up at him. Javier just smiles wider right back. He's not sure how long he is sitting there, but soon there's a strong scent of burgers and someone sits in the chair next to him.

"How long are you going to sit here and watch them ?" Beckett asks, looking over at the pool and then back at Javier. "You've had that love sick puppy face on for the past hour and a half."

Javier immediately tries to regain a stoic face in front of Beckett, but Javier can't when he's feeling so happy. So he lets his smile grow instead.

Beckett's face softens. "You really love him, huh?"

Javier chuckles softly and shakes his head. He pauses a moment before he says, "More than anything in the world." He looks back to Kevin in the pool, his cheeks tinged red even after all the sunscreen he had on. Sarah is perched on Kevin's shoulders and she waves to Beckett and Javier. Javier waves back.

"I'm glad you two found each other. Kevin is happier these past few weeks than he's been in a while." As if on cue, Kevin lets out a loud laugh that makes his eyes crinkle. Beckett watches as Javier's eyes brighten. She nudges his shoulder and says with a grin, "You've been happier too."

Javier nods his head and looks down at his lap. "Yeah, I really am."

Beckett rubs his shoulder. "I'm glad. Now you and Kevin can both have your hands full with Sarah."

They both look over to where Kevin is pulling himself out of the pool and Sarah is following close behind. She's ready to jump right back in, but Kevin directs her towards the grill where Castle is serving out his burgers.

"Tell me about it, Kevin and I haven't a minute alone in forever. Everytime we get into bed at night, she's crawling in right beside us."

"I'm sure Alexis would take her in her room tonight to give you two some time alone." Beckett smirks, but Javier knows that Alexis would watch Sarah in a heartbeat if he asked. Only there's no way Javier would have sex with Kevin when Castle and Beckett's bedroom is only a door down.

As much as Javier wants his own bed with Kevin, he knows before they know it, Sarah will be too big to want to sleep with her dads. "We'll be fine, but thanks Beckett."

Javier looks up when Kevin calls over to him from the grill, "Come on, Javi, we're eating on the beach." Beckett and Javier stand up and follow them down to the beach where Martha and Alexis already set up a picnic blanket with everything for their dinner.

The sun is close to setting, but there's enough light to let Sarah run around on the shore after she finishes her meal without worrying about her getting lost. Her burger is gone in practically a bite so she chases the waves. "Don't go further than your ankles, Sarah!" Kevin warns as she runs in and runs back out. Alexis joins her a few moments later and Kevin feels safe enough to not keep an eye on the water every second.

The adults finish their dinner and relax on the blanket. The silence gives Kevin time to think, mostly about what they were here for. This trip is meant to give him a chance to forget all of the things Saladino said about him, but when he gets back to the city, he knows Saladino will just go right back to being an ass.

"Hey, what's the long face for, beautiful?" Javier whispers, coming close to Kevin's side and pulling him into his arms.

Kevin shrugs his shoulders. "Just thinking." Javier hums and waits for Kevin to continue. "Now that we're together, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world."

"Why am I sensing a but coming?" Javier asks, his heart beating faster. Kevin can't possibly be about to break up with (divorce?) him.

Kevin quickly turns in his arms, sensing his rising panic. "Javi, no, nothing like that! It just annoys me that because of my happiness, Sarah is getting picked on. Why should she get left out of things at school and treated differently just because of us?"

"There's tons of assholes in this world, Kev. We can't change them all." Javier kisses the back of his ear, trying to comfort him.

"But it's only going to get worse. And as Sarah gets older, she's going to know it's _my_ fault she's treated differently. Now she has an idea, but when later, she'll hear all kinds of crap from kids at school. They'll make her life a living hell. What if she gets sick of it all? What if she winds up hating me for it?" Kevin asks in a broken whisper.

"Sarah Grace could _never_ hate you, Kevin," Javier says sternly. "You're her father and she loves you. Who cares if people think she's different, it'll only make her stronger. And who knows, maybe when she's older, we'll be more accepted. The world is changing."

"Not fast enough," Kevin grumbles.

Javier chuckles. "Stop worrying yourself over all of this, Kevin. I mean look at her, does she look upset at us to you?"

Kevin and Javier both turn to watch her collecting shells with Alexis. She must feel their eyes on her because she looks up and when she sees them watching. She grins widely and waves over at them.

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am."

Kevin laughs and leans his head against Javier's shoulder. "But what do we do about the baseball team and all those trips? I want to be a part of Sarah's life and I want her to do things she enjoys, but I don't want to force myself anywhere I'm not wanted."

"We should have a battle of the teams," Castle butts in the conversation, scooting closer to Javier and Kevin. "We'll play a good old game of baseball and the winners win the coaching position."

Javier rolls his eyes. "This isn't _Benchwarmers_ , Castle. We can't just win it."

"Hey, if you beat him at his own game he'll leave you alone." Castle shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe this time Big Ryan should punch Big Saladino in the face."

"No, no, no. There will be no more punching." Kevin shakes his head and eyes Castle.

Of course, Castle ignores him. "Hey, isn't the annual FDNY and NYPD baseball game coming up?"

"Yeah, why?"

Castle scoffs. "Why? We could totally take them down. I mean we have Espo, he alone could make Saladino cry to his mommy. I've seen him play."

Javier smiles. "Thanks, man." He turns to Kevin. "You know that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"While I do appreciate the thought...I don't know," he says and shakes his head with a sigh. "Let's just forget about all of this for now. We're supposed to get away from all of this on this mini-vacation."

"Fine," Castle relents, but he turns to Javier when he feels a tap on his arm.

"The game is in two weeks," Javier whispers. "We'll think of something."

Castle smiles and nods his head excitedly. He and Espo will definitely come up with something good. Saladino and Saladino Jr. will never want to even look at Ryan and Sarah sideways ever again.

Kevin narrows his eyes, ready to warn the two trouble makers to stay out of it, but Sarah Grace interrupts him. She is tugging on his fingers with her small sand covered palms. "C'mon, Daddy, come look at all the shells!"

"Okay, okay," Kevin says with a smile as he lets his daughter pull him to his feet. Before they leave, Sarah turns to Javier expectantly. He quickly realizes the invite extends to him.

"Oh." He gets to his feet and allows himself to be pulled along by Sarah as well. Kevin smiles at him apologetically as they're dragged down to the shore. But Javier doesn't mind; he'd let that little girl drag him anywhere as long as it kept her happy.

Once they're close enough to the ocean that the water laps at their feet after the crash of each wave, Sarah lets go of their hands. She leans down to the wet sand to pull out a broken shell. She holds it up for Kevin and Javier to see. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Almost as pretty as you, princess." Kevin winks down at her as she drops it in his hand. Looks like they're the designated shell holder.

For a few moments, Kevin and Javier walk side by side and watch Sarah pick up shell after shell. She studies each and appreciates each broken shell just as much as she appreciates each whole shell. There's only the sound of the waves crashing to the shore and the lone seagulls flying in the pink sky. It's peaceful.

Kevin smiles when he feels Javier take his hand and intertwine their fingers together. Kevin leans his head on Javier's shoulder as they follow Sarah. "I've seen this before," Javier whispers in his ear.

Kevin closes his eyes with a soft hum. "Where?"

"Only in my wildest dreams." Kevin lets out a startled laugh. Leave it to Javier to say something completely sappy like that. "I'm serious," Javier says. "Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be walking hand in hand down a beach with _you_."

"And this is something you've dreamed of doing?" Kevin looks up at Javier, but his head doesn't leave his shoulder.

Javier stays silent for a moment and stares longingly at Kevin. Kevin feels his cheeks burn at the attention. Finally, Javier says, "Yes."

Kevin turns around until he's facing Javier and can wrap his arms fully around Javier's neck. He kisses Javier's lips and whispers, "Keep saying stuff like that and tonight I'm all _yours_."

Javier grins as he pulls Kevin closer. "Oh, yeah? Well, maybe I don't want to wait. Maybe I want to have you right here on the beach. Right now." Javier moves his lips to Kevin's neck and bites him softly, not enough to break the skin but enough to cause Kevin to moan huskily. Javier grins at the reaction and then sucks the spot on his neck hard enough to leave a bruise behind.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Kevin asks in a shaky breath, his legs feeling weak. "I've been waiting to check 'beach' off our list."

Javier laughs. "As much as I would love to have you naked in my arms right now," he pauses to kiss Kevin's ear and whisper, "I'd rather not scar our daugher." Kevin goes deathly still in his arms and Javier's afraid he said something wrong.

Kevin pulls away from Javier to stare up at him with wide eyes. But he doesn't say a word.

Javier curses himself and says, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-."

Kevin cuts him off with a kiss. Javier is too suprised to move his lips until after Kevin leans back. "What…?"

"She's yours."

The words from Kevin's mouth makes Javier's heart skip a beat. He doesn't say a word. He debates pinching himself to check if this is a dream, but this is a dream he doesn't want to wake up from.

"You're a part of this broken little family too, you know." Kevin's voice is soft and all serious. "You were before and you are now. You have just as much of a right to call her yours as I do. We're in this together, remember?"

Javier smiles as he watches Sarah run back to them with a handful of shell. He looks down at her and then back up at Kevin. "How could I ever forget?"

Their conversation comes to an end when Sarah comes between the two. "You two can kiss and be gross later. Now we have to get all the shells before it gets dark." She looks at both of them with a scrunched up face.

Kevin laughs as he looks at the already darkening sky. "I think it's time to head back, princess. We've got to clean up after dinner and walk back to the house." He uses one hand to rub Sarah's head and muss up her hair.

She's about to argue when Javier says, "Listen to your father, Sarah."

With a sigh, Sarah nods her head and looks at all of the shells in Kevin's hands. "I guess I'm good for tonight."

"We'll go put these away and then we'll see if Alexis still wants to have a sleepover in her room tonight."

Sarah frowns. "I can't sleep with you guys tonight?"

Kevin bites his lip and hesitates before shrugging his shoulders. "You could but we're going to be doing adult things all night that I don't think you want to see."

Sarah looks from Kevin to Javier. "Like what?"

Javier raises his eyebrows and stares at Kevin; he's interested in knowing where Kevin is going with this one. Kevin leans down and rests his hands on his knees so he's eye-level with his daugher. "We're going to say how much we love each other _all night long_."

Javier smiles at the disgust that covers Sarah's face. He shrugs his shoulders and pulls Kevin closer again. "You wanted to know."

She runs off without looking back, calling out for Alexis.

Kevin turns to Javier with a grin. "That should take care of her for tonight." He drags a hand slowly down Javier's back until it rests on his ass. "Now...where were we?"

"We were getting you naked on my bed _now_ ," Javier practically growls.

"Yes, sir," Kevin barely gets out before he is being dragged up the sand to the guest bedroom before they undress each other in front of everyone. Castle would never let them live it down.

They slowly make their way up the stairs and try to be as subtle as they can, but it's pretty obvious to everyone why the two are slipping off to their room. They make it to their bedroom without being stopped by anyone and immediately Kevin crashes to the bed underneath Javier. For the first few moments, they don't say a word and just kiss each other. There are roaming hands and impatient grinding that turn the soft kisses dirty.

Javier pulls away and says out of breath, "I think it's time we lose a few layers."

Kevin grabs the hem of Javier's shirt and pulls it over his head. He throws it across the room and says, "No time to waste, if my head hits that pillow I may let all this week's exhaustion catch up with me."

"There is no time to sleep tonight, my dear." Javier teases and starts to pull Kevin's shorts off. The boxers are next to join the discarded clothes on the floor. Javier's fingers are on his own zipper when their door is thrown open.

"Uncle Javi!"

"Shit," Javier curses and quickly pushes himself off Kevin, but then realizing that Kevinn is naked from the waist down, he leans back to cover him from his daughter's view. Javier meets Kevin's eyes and they exchange a panicked look. If they weren't in this current situation, Javier would have thought the blush on Kevin's cheeks would be cute.

He hears Sarah's feet padding on the floor so Javier grabs the blanket and throws it over Kevin's lower body. He's covered just as Sarah makes it to the bed. "Uncle Javi, I can't find the suitcase you brought in. It has all my pajamas."

"Sarah," Kevin says, trying to sound calm, "you know you're supposed to knock before going into someone's room."

Sarah cringes. "Oops, I'm sorry, Daddy."

Kevin pulls the blanket higher around his waist. "Where's Alexis? I thought she was going to go watch a movie with you?"

Sarah lowers her voice to a loud whisper, "She told me not to bother you, but she's setting up the movie right now. Don't tell her I'm here." Her gaze falls to Javier's bare chest and then back to his face. "What're you guys doing?"

Kevin is used to answering Sarah's endless questions on the spot, so he says, "We're putting on our own pajamas."

Sarah believes it and turns back to Javier. "Can you get mine quickly? Please?"

Javier sighs, but nods his head. "Okay, let's go." She smiles and runs out of the room once Javier stands up as well. Before he follows her out, he turns to Kevin and whispers, "I will be right back for you."

Kevin puckers his lips requesting one more kiss that Javier happily gives before he rushes to help Sarah get to bed.

He finds the suitcase right where he left it, making Javier wonder if Sarah was just looking for attention. Then she wants help getting dressed and brushing her teeth and then bringing all her pillows into Alexis' room. It feels like it's been hours when he finally gets Sarah settled down and he's able to go back to his own bed with Kevin.

He walks back into their room saying, "You better be ready, Kev." But what he sees in front of him is not what he expected. Kevin is passed out on the bed and snoring softly. Javier's eyes softens as he approaches the bed.

He knew Kevin was wiped out, but he didn't think he would fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Javier wanted to have sex tonight, but now looking at how peaceful Kevin is, he doesn't have the heart to wake him up.

Tonight is their night off and even if they're not doing what Javier had hoped to do, there's nowhere else that he'd rather be. Javier pulls his shorts and boxers off and pulls up the blankets to climb into with Kevin. He scoots behind him and slots his chest behind Kevin's back. Wrapping an arm around Kevin's waist, Javier places a kiss on Kevin's head. He knows Kevin is asleep and can't hear him, but his says it anyway, "You're lucky I love you, corazon." Kevin snores and Javier laughs softly.

Yup, he never wants this to change.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only an epilogue left after this and that will be up soon. 
> 
> Until next time,


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't edited by anyone other than me, but it's only a few hundred words. My beta is very busy right now and I don't want to bother her with my last installment so all mistakes are my own.

**Two weeks later…**

Bases loaded, two outs and NYPD are behind by three runs. Kevin grinds his teeth as he looks over to the FDNY's dugout. Of course, Saladino is staring right back with a smug grin. Kevin refuses to lose to him.

"Javi," Kevin says turning back around, "You need to go up there and hit one out of the park. I know you can."

Javier shifts in his seat and hesitates before making a face. "I don't think that's a good idea, Kev. I think I pulled a muscle sliding into home base before. I won't be able to play."

Kevin's eyes widen. "You're hurt? Are you okay?"

Javier rolls his eyes with a smile. "I'll be fine, Kev."

Kevin falls to the empty spot on the bench beside him. "I should have never made this deal with Saladino. I'm not a better coach."

Javier's hand is immediately holding his. "Don't say that. You're better at everything than that asswipe."

Kevin sighs but doesn't argue because he knows it will be no use. Javier will never give up insisting that Kevin is the best.

Before the game, Kevin took Castle's advice and challenged Saladino: the winner helped coach the team in the fall. Kevin thought they were going to win, but now Kevin doesn't think so. He doesn't know why he even tried.

Just about to give up, Kevin drops his head into his hands. Suddenly, there's a small hand on his arm and Kevin hears his daughter say, "Daddy, I can help you win. Uncle Javi has been showing me how to play."

Kevin looks up to see Sarah Grace smiling widely at him. She's dressed the same uniform all the other NYPD players are wearing and under each eye is a painted black line. He looks over to Javier and sees him smiling proudly. He looks back to Sarah and feels the weights lifted from his shoulders. Who cares if he loses? He's going to enjoy this game with his family.

"Go on, baby girl, show them what you've got."

Sarah smiles even brighter --if that's possible-- and runs out to the home plate. Saladino actually laughs when he sees her out there. "That desperate, huh?"

Kevin doesn't even give him the satisfaction of saying anything back. He'll let Sarah put him in his place. As Sarah sets up with her own bat in an impressive stance for a little kid, Kevin turns to Javier. "You've been teaching her?"

"We've been going to the park here and there." Javier shrugs his shoulders. "She's a fast learner."

Kevin leans closer to Javier. "Which is why now I'm okay with losing...Even if I can't teach her team, we can teach her at home."

"As good as that sounds, babe, I don't think that'll be an issue." Javier tilts his head over to where Sarah swings at the ball thrown to her. Her bat connects to the ball and a loud pop explodes in the air as the ball sails past the pitcher. It doesn't go much farther, but it's unexpected from everyone around them.

Kevin jumps to his feet. "Run, Sarah!"

She laughs and runs to first base as the other player run as well. The outfielders purposely avoid the ball so Sarah can run. Saladino doesn't like that. "What are you idiots doing? She's a five-year-old girl! Get someone out!"

But no one pays heed to him as Sarah runs past them. One of them even gives her a high five as she passes third base. The NYPD gets three runs in and Sarah's running to home. The outfielders have already given up chasing the ball in to let her get the run, but she doesn't realize this and continues to run.

Kevin hurries to home plate and holds out his arms for her to run into his arms. She pushes her little legs to carry her to the home plate and the minute her foot touches the base, Kevin has her in his arms. The crowd is cheering around them, not for the winner of the game, but for Sarah.

"Did you see me?" Sarah asks between gasps of air, but there's still a smile on her face.

Kevin kisses her cheek. "Yes, I did. You were great."

Sarah laughs and when her gaze catches someone over Kevin's shoulder, her eyes light up. "I did it! Papa, I did it!"

Kevin turns his head to face Javier and can see the shock on Javier's face. But quickly he regains his posture and pulls Kevin and Sarah into his arms. He gives her a kiss on the top of her head. "Yes, you did, princess."

Kevin can see some tears welling up in the corner of his eyes, but doesn't say anything. He just holds his little family tighter.

Javier looks over to Kevin and their eyes meet. Kevin has never seen him so happy.

With a watery smile, Javier whispers to Kevin, "Told you I'd be Papa."

Kevin lets out a surprised laugh. "I thought your ankle was hurt."

"That's our little secret," Javier says with a wink.

Of course, Javier would do that: give up the game to give his- _their_ daughter the glory of defeating that asswipe.

And there would be a lot of other asswipes and bullies and problems that would try to cause them hell. But Kevin welcomes every single one of them his way because he has his family right here in his arms and that's all that really matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels so weird to be wrapping this up over a year later. This story took so many hours to write and edit and re-write. But I loved every single step of the way and I hope you all enjoyed it as well!! I've never completed a story like this of this length and it feels good to finally close it up. It's time for new stories to come. 
> 
> I want to thank TXMedic for beta-ing this for me and making it readable. This would be close to garbage without you, so thank you so much again!!
> 
> A big thanks to Lilablassblau for always being there. Whether it's writer's block or just everyday life. You're there for me through thick and thin and I'll never be abe to put it into words how important you've become to me. 
> 
> And thank you all for continuing to read each update. Even after weeks when I didn't update. Thank you for sticking by me! I am so happy to see some of you still here and I hope this was a satisfying ending. 
> 
> Now, I know you all still probably have many questions about the series. Maybe I forgot to address something...(I do that sometimes in long fics) I apologize, just leave a comment and I'll answer it the best I can. But I also have other installments/mini-fics planned for this series so keep your eyes out for those too. 
> 
> And maybe just leave a comment telling me if you like my story or not. What were your favorite parts? What can I improve n? This is your last chance to comment on this fic. Thank you so much again!!


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